Undiagnosed Someone please help me

[Sideways]

You've come to a ptsd forum, with a "My family are dysfunctional and I hate it" issue.
Members here tend to get ptsd stuff. That's why they're here. Attacking members? Especially ones with a long track record of having an excellent amount of compassion and understanding? Doesn't get you far.

Frankly, you seem to have some interpersonal issues to work on. Get help for that maybe.

 

[EveHarrington]

Whoa.

I told you to throw it back on them....


WHICH IS WHAT MY THERAPIST TOLD ME TO DO LESS THAN 24 HOURS AGO....

Not sure why you come here complaining that you have to hold this secret inside and then freak out when you're told to simply stop holding the damn secret.

 

[EveHarrington]

And yes, my secret was my damn father f*cking around on my mother.

I think this fits the bill.

Like I said, I know what I'm talking about because I've been there.

 

[Ms Priss]

Boy. as a fairly new member myself...beginning to wonder about this site too...I really seriously think some of you need to seriously check your egos.

 

[PointlessExistence]

I'll gladly risk reprimand and just say it:

the thread seems bogus

 

[Friday]

As the OP has been banned for personal attack, I'm -at least temporarily- locking this thread.

 

[joeylittle]

I really seriously think some of you need to seriously check your egos.

It's a peer support site, but that doesn't always consist of giving platitudes. It's possible to validate someone and challenge their thinking. Both of those things are useful, in their own ways.

For new members: I suggest reading the Community Constitution (if you haven't). It captures what this board is about, and what our goals are as a community.

It's good to remember that people are not always here when they are at their best. So, @Tom889, that's why you are getting the benefit of the doubt here, and a temp ban instead of a permanent one.

I came here for help not to be asked why I'm here in the first place, isn't it obvious? The same reason 99% of us are here in the first place. Some of you need to seriously de-activate your accounts.

If you decide to come back, do it without the chip on your shoulder.

For everyone: remember that you won't always get feedback that you find relevant. That's why our unofficial motto is, "Keep what's useful, leave the rest".

I'm unlocking the thread, but please remember the OP is on a temp ban and can't reply right away.

Any questions about this or other forum matters are to be raised via help ticket.

 

[Ms Priss]

When I am wrong I am pretty good at acknowledging it. My feeling yesterday was the thread was getting too aggressive to benefit anyone.

Unfortunately, I responded from my own woundedness.

Next time I will know...not my monkey...not my circus...close the thread and move on.

Lesson learned...thanks for the reminder!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Deanna]

If you decide to come back, do it without the chip on your shoulder.

I coudln't agree more. I don't think the answer was here to begin with. There is a lot of pressure/shame when both parents are unable to be parents. I don't especially feel sorry for his dad because I feel like his behaviour from his past wife is an excuse to drink. The OP must face that he passes out and leaves his mother with no life/no partner. I think his half brother or step brother picked-up on this and used his mothers situation to his atvantage. She accepted because she is beyond needy at this point.

Does this make the situation, right? No.. it makes it sick and the OP is taking on the shame. I also liked what Eva had to say..

 

[Matteo]

Its amazing the thought and intelligence that goes into some of your posts guys and gals, ptsd and aging I think has robbed me of some of that. I am starting to learn again how to become stronger and my intellect is actually getting better. I used to be a smart young man, now I feel like a middle aged goofball lol ...anyways there are a lot of angry people out there and ptsd is a cause of anger. Of course I can say from a guys standpoint that there's just a lot of angry guys too...I personally always give people the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong, of course I have had major trust issues in past and lately myself..

Thank you so much matteo for your reply, I'm genuenly crying with happiness for the first time in over 10 years. I never expected a response to hit me emotionally like that thank you so much I can't explain in words... can i PM you?

I think for now you should keep the conversations here tom, I myself am struggling and I do not want to give any wrong advice that might hurt you, and I personally think that by keeping this all in an open environment for others to see is the best thing you can do for now, I understand the swearing and anger, just try to be a bit more civil with people here, (they deserve it)...I don't think anyone here would intentionally hurt you emotionally, and I am not strong enough to help anyone alone, strength in numbers, and remember that old saying it takes a village to raise a kid, therefore it takes all these people to help you, I do not believe I could help by myself, as I am yet very damaged...

 

[Rosa]

Your mother is still your mother and whether she likes it or not she had a responsibility towards you and failed utterly by making a bad choice and inadvertently involving you in that bad choice. As someone who kept a family secret for decades of sexual abuse towards myself as a child, the weight of carrying the knowledge, the results of my being a victim, the lasting legacy of siblings who knew but wanted me to stay quiet (after all, THEY were doing ok they said!), when I finally told my parents there was quite a period of adjustment for them as the perpetrator had been their eldest son who had been killed in an accident (hence much of my reluctance to burden them with the truth). But I have to say, though it took years, I now know it was the best thing I could have done for both myself and my parents. You see, I was so angry at them too for not protecting me and they didn't even know how or why I felt the way I did. I was being re-victimized with the pressures to keep my mouth shut and keep the memory of a dead sibling unstained while I was alive, trying to live my life and being totally miserable. I went to counselling too, and after all that I have to say getting that secret off my chest was very important. My parents didn't hold it against me and my remaining sibs got used to the whole thing as it then became a non-issue.

Guess what I have to say to you is this:
you seem very pent up about it, angry, reactive, anxious, etc. I totally get that. You made a decision at 12 yrs to say nothing and it was probably, for you, a good decision as your life would have been extremely disrupted with a family in crisis all around you. You were a kid who had no power and you did what you thought best. But now, you are a young adult of 24 yrs and you do NOT need to carry this secret with its resultant frustrations/etc throughout the rest of your life. Take your mother out somewhere quiet and distant from others in your family and TELL HER what you saw (or possibly write her a letter telling her of the incident and what seeing this has done to you and then give it to her to read in front of you). Tell her you are fed up with holding all this back to save either of your parents and that now that she knows what you've been carrying all this time, it is HER SECRET, not yours. Then get up and walk away and leave her be for a time to digest what you've said. It would be better for you if you already had a counselor in place so you could then go and talk about your feelings in a safe place. You have to put this behind you and get on with your life and stop letting it hold you back from developing into a happy, fulfilled person with achievable goals. You can get beyond this!

 

[Snowfrog]

i am not a professional counselor but I have had PTSD for over forty years and know the ups and downs. Keeping a secret holds tremendous pressure on the one holding it. Their shit has ended up on your doorstep and you are paying for it. Not your fault. People will do what they want and there is much to be said about us being observers in this life. You are juggling guilt, discouragement, anger, disappointment and watching about five train wrecks at the same time. It tires me out just thinking about it so I know you must be exhausted. There are a couple of things I want to say. First, the best way to improve any relationship is to lower your expectation. They are all humans who acted like animals. That is the only thing you should expect from them. The second thing is that your life is too valuable to be eaten up by others. Protect yourself by doing what you need to do to move on with your life. Get the hell away from that pervert step-brother. Daily seeing him will take you back to the incident. Finally, put your trust in Christ. Only He can give you the strength to move on. When I was lost after the military I mad a mess of my life. Once I realized He was the solution the guilt I had fell off me like water in a storm. There is a better way to live my friend.