Beginning To Thrive, What Does That Mean To You???

[Lionheart]

I have done all of the difficult foot work of healing that has been required for someone with severe, prolonged childhood traumas and now, I am beginning to thrive and to actually live and enjoy my life.

Still I am at a loss as to how best to put this into words, so I thought perhaps, others could help out by sharing what thriving does or will mean to you.

Can you imagine something beyond just surviving?
What does it mean to thrive?
What will thriving feel like? ..look like?

 

[Leah123]

Thanks for a lovely topic. It's one I've devoted a lot of time to this past year as I reentered therapy to get back to a thriving rather than surviving mentality.

Thriving is multi-faceted to me, encomassing physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being.

Spiritual health to me includes being aware of the forces in the universe: the energy and spirit of other living beings, the interrelatedness of us all, the beauty of the natural world, and the archetypes that symbolize the unique power of our species in this larger existence. Taking time for those things enhances my ability to thrive spiritually. Spending time on the arts and in nature help with this one. I'm also a vegetarian, contribute to causes I believe in (with room for improvement), and am working on being a conservationist, which helps me keep my spiritual balance.

Emotional health means being authentic: conveying my sadness, anger, fear, and joy, especially with those close to me. It means giving myself opportunities to connect with others including my husband and therapist who are my stalwarts right now, but also to make new friendships, have strong work relationships, and opportunities to give and receive, whether that's playing, venting, or puzzling out life's conundrums. Writing a lot, intensive therapy, challenging myself to be honest with my husband, and reaching out to new friends has helped me with this one. Oh, and making time to cry and express any other emotion.

Mental Health for me means doing meaningful work and engaging in inspiring, challenging, fulfilling activities. I'm working on my bachelor's right now so I can change careers and thrive in a field I will grow in and be engaged by, rather than my less fulfilling current job. Going back to college and practicing a different skillset than the one I use at work, as well as giving myself downtime for resting and pleasure has really helped with this one.

Physical health is one I struggle with most, but for me it simply means eating for pleasure and health, not just emotional eating, which I'm prone to do when stressed, bored, upset, tired, etc. And it means dancing more, walking more, stretching more, breathing mindfully more, just... engaging all my senses and making the most of them, being calm and energized and centered. Trying to take very small steps, such as eating more produce or sitting in the backyard with my laptop to work, or walking my dog more have helped a bit with this one.

So, to me, the image of "thriving" is very clear. It's taken a lot of work to get here though.

 

[Hope4Now]

What a nice thread to post! Thank you.

In the big picture, I'd say thriving for me is quite similar to what @Leah123 said so eloquently.

Right now though, I'd feel like I am thriving if I could be physically pain free, able to stay grounded and not have flashbacks, and able to find some rest in a feeling of safety so I am not always feeling like something awful is going to happen.

 

[Laura 2]

I thought 'beginning to thrive' was one of those tickbox outcome measures that therapists and other agency workers use to make them feel good that they've actually achieved something and can stop offering you the state's resources. Bit like , in the UK at least, a BIG thing amongst services is 'empowerment/empowering clients'. The irony is that you cannot actually give away empowerment, people have to develop it for themselves. So services just tick their outcome boxes when they've told you to do stuff for yourself - even though you just cannot.

Good for questioning what BTT means and looks like. I guess, to me thriving is how I lived Before Trauma. No idea what 'beginning to thrive' would look like now. I think it's not a possibility.

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you for all of the replies, it is really appreciated!!! 'Beginning to thrive' was not an 'ear worm' that some therapist put forth but was rather a realization that I have healed my core self from prolonged childhood traumas.

It is hard for me to explain...it wasn't like there was a Native American Medicine man who came to me and said, "Um mm, heap big Lion, ....you are beginning to thrive."...no, it was more like an internal neon light was blinking on and off!

At first I was like , "hey could ya stop blinking that darn light in my face," and then the realization that I was ready for that next big step across the invisible line in the sand came and it was rather scary.

I don't know how the next page of the book is going to look and I have this pen in my hand and I guess it is enough to make some basic outlines and shapes before I go to coloring the next phase of my life. I just wish there was some kind of commemoration process where everyone said , "Hey Lion good job, now you can get on with the business of living", but it twern't like that.

The simple truth is, I have put in well over a decade of healing work and have come to a place where I no longer need to mourn my past. Also just as simple is the truth that there will always be things for me to learn and areas I will need to improve upon, but the real business of going ahead with life despite the traumas has arrived.

I am not bragging by any means, what is closer to the truth is that I am scared to death!!!

I have thought about it for a few moments and I guess what I really want is to be true to the tints and hues of the colors that life presents me.....and this is in no way meant to be an off-colored remark. Pun Intended.

Okay,, may be in 6 months I will go back and analyze the analogies I am using, but in all sincerity it is kind of a lonely and freaky feeling.

I suppose it must be like a royal blue color..not quite blue, but not quite purple either.....a shade meant just for this specific time and place.

Oh my gosh I wonder if I am making any sense now....

Oh well confusion they tell me is a good place to start, it means that I don't know and am open to learning.

methinks I will hush up my face now.

Peace,
Lion

 

[Suzetig]

What a thought provoking thread, thank you. The idea of thriving seems in some ways like its a long way off but in others it feels very possible. To explain, in my day to day life I can see improvements from where I was 6 months ago - I'm mostly stable in mood, fewer flashbacks and I see, for example, in my workplace I'm more able to behave with others in the way I would want to rather than responding to them from a place of "trauma brain". I'm also getting some sense of what the "new me" might look like - though that's far from being fully formed and is a long way off.

On the other hand, I know I carry very deep hurt that I need to deal with, that can leave me breathless within at times, I still catch myself crying at points and I also know I have some historical trauma that keeps resurfacing and needs unpacked. Is it possible to thrive while carrying so much baggage, I don't know. Maybe I need to see signs of improvement because otherwise it would be too hard all of the time but it helps me to be thinking about what it means to thrive.

 

[BlueOcean]

@Lionheart777 Great topic! Wonderful progress!

For me thriving includes not worrying about every little thing. It means seeing more of who I am without all the needless negative thoughts about myself. Thriving also includes feeling a wide array of emotions, some for which I've never experienced, such as love for a friend. Also, enjoying who I am and recognizing the progress I've made and opening up to new activities and friendships.

 

[Lionheart]

@Lionheart777 Wonderful progress!

For me thriving includes not worrying about every little thing. It means seeing more of who I am without all the needless negative thoughts about myself. ...., enjoying who I am and recognizing the progress I've made and opening up to new activities and friendships.

Thank you @BlueOcean !!!

I quoted your post because I can definitely relate to not worrying so much, less negative thoughts about myself, enjoying who I am, recognizing progress, and opening up to other activities and friendships.

All of those are true for me today. I am still a stickler for locking the doors of the house, (there are four of them), but I don't obsess over it anymore. I am far from perfect but I don't worry much about that as I like who I am; and I love the man I have become.

I have come to see my life from a point of gratitude for what I have rather than from a sense of loss and detriment. I don't wallow in depression and I take better care of my health on all levels.

I've also forged some great friendships here on the forum and outside of the 'cyber' world as well. I have been told that I am like a mentor and an older brother to some. I have friends who tell me they love and care for me (and I believe them because their actions match their words).

I have a dependable support network of family and friends and I am more open to trying new activities. There is more but I can't think of what they are at the moment, but anyway, I wanted to thank you for your reply.

Peace,
Lion

 

[BlueOcean]

@Lionheart777 You are more than welcome! Wonderful to hear you are doing so well! Great to hear you're taking good care of your health on all levels! For me doing just that has been a necessity b/c I have IBS, but also I have come to appreciate that health includes not only diet and exercise, but who you spend time with. Being only with supportive people has been a great nourishment and a reason I am part of this network. 2 years ago I never would have thought to be around people who are as kind and optimistic as the people on this network are.

Continue your great journey :)

 

[Philippa]

I'm so glad to have stumbled across this thread. It really is something I've been contemplating lately, so timely and thought provoking. :) I have had trouble defining what thriving means myself, so it's been nice to read through the replies here, and find things I relate to.

It has also helped me gage where I am actually thriving, and where I still do need work...as with learning to not worry so much (it's such a bad habit) and the negative thoughts i have about myself. I do notice times when I catch my inner dialogue and it's pretty positive, and that makes me happy.

I've definitely noticed in the last year in particular, how much better I have become in terms of being able to deal with situations like with customers who are being rude or demanding, and I can speak to them with tact and clear sentences that I don't trail off or forget what I was saying, and the words come out right and not word salad...so that is major progress! It's nice to be able to take time now and recognise and acknowledge where I have improved immensely, as well as take stock of where I still need to improve. A reality check is always a good thing.

My fitness and motivation levels have increased so much since I started doing the 5 tibetan rites, and my energy has increased tenfold because of this as well. I feel much more stabilized, and am able to self validate, and allow my feelings to surface and sit with them without giving into the desire to distract myself...most of the time. I eat healthy food and have cut back on meat significantly, which was my original goal in my early 20's. I was not able to sustain a vegetarian lifestyle as I'd hoped, but I still feel ok about the way I am taking care of myself, with the occasional slip (like last week) :D But I know that if I go on benders they will only last a short while and I am healthy enough now that my body can take it, and recover.

I am really good at what I do, and am considered an asset by the boss, whom I really like and get along with despite our differences. I have been considering a career change, as the burn out factor is quite brutal at times, but I feel like my ability towards self-care is so habitual now that I have no trouble asking for time out or even cutting back shifts when I need to. I assert myself with people, even new potential romantic partners who I need to erect boundaries with, I do not hesitate to speak my truth to them with love and tell them straight when I am not happy with their behaviour. I am not as reactive as I once was, and this makes me VERY happy! I enjoy the sense of control I have over myself and my emotions once more, and feel relief to be back in this place of relative personal power.

I am taking personal development inner essence course and accelerating there. I am able to forgive more easily now, and forgive myself which is huge progress. I am surrounded by genuinely caring, loving people who have my best interests at heart. I eliminate anyone who doesn't as soon as I work it out that they don't. I am less tolerant of time wasters and people who don't have my best interests at heart. I do sometimes feel like I am not as sensitive as I once was, but I don't get too worried about it. I am open hearted and understanding towards people and they love to be in my company...that is the feedback I am receiving lately.

I also think my sense of humour has improved and returned to what it was, and maybe even better than it was before I fell into depression years ago. I feel like I recover much quicker from any depressive spells I have these days, and have many tools and strategies to deal with it when it does. I feel connected to the earth and nature and have a loving cat that is here for me, which helps so much. I feel like my life has returned back to normal though I guess I could always enjoy my life more. I was told by a drunk person the other night that I "had a small brain and that I didn't enjoy my life". I was not sure how I was perceived by other prior to that, and not sure if he was picking up on my depression that has been surfacing lately, even if his expression of it was rather oafish and mean. I didn't fall apart when he said it.

I am making more of an effort to date and meet new people and men in particular, and although it does not seem to be panning out very well and I am still attracting dickheads, at least I am putting myself out there. I feel like I am in a position now to travel finally...I just need to save the money. Further study is an option which I am considering, and generally living on my own has been great, even if it gets a bit lonely at times. I still have the cat.

Anyway, this is turning into an essay so I'll finish here, but I appreciate this thread so much. Thanks Lionheart.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am beginning to thrive. My husband of thirty six years of marriage died last year and I was a complete basket case. Now I am doing so much better. I started therapy in 1985 and still go to therapy when I need a tune up. I will always have something to be improving on.

I am doing so much better now and I love me now and I am now a real person. From where I started and where I am now I consider myself only now to begin to thrive.

 

[The Albatross]

I don't know much about thrive, but I've been working on resilience for a while and I've made a fair bit of progress on that. I have some competency and reliability that's calm and relatively peaceful. It's a start I guess.

Can I imagine more than surviving? Not really still but I'm a lot calmer about it.

What would thriving feel like/look like? Hmm. my brain won't go there either.

I think I still have a fair bit of problem with expectations, so I try not to (still) have them... even though I'm experiencing a fair bit of peace, calm and relatively low stress (compared to what it was) right now.