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A Threat To Have "help" Forced On Me.

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If know this friend and friendship is not good for me, why do I still feel so drawn to fix it? The draw to fix it feels like I have to fix it, almost life it death level of intensity, even though I have no cognitive fear my life is in danger if I just let go and walk away.
 
It is so hard but always trust your gut instincts. They are on your side to help you. It is still a work in progress for me and I can still be put on the spot caught off guard but I go back and try to make some kind of repairs to me afterward. It is a learning experience. Good for you.
 
@Justmehere if we lived on the same continent I would have been convinced you were talking about my sister (who was my primary caretaker). She does this kind of this ALL THE TIME and then acts innocent and hurt. I never knew how to deal with her until I became familiar with the drama triangle. And your 'friend' seems stuck in it. She will most probably now be 'hurt' and get others' sympathy. I think that it might need some effort to shake her.
 
If know this friend and friendship is not good for me, why do I still feel so drawn to fix it? The draw to fix it feels like I have to fix it, almost life it death level of intensity, even though I have no cognitive fear my life is in danger if I just let go and walk away

When I feel like that, it often turns out to relate to something that I "failed" to fix in the past and some part of me is still trying to "fix". Does she, or the situation remind you of anyone or anything?

But, holy cow! It made ME made just reading the post! I know someone who's a bit like that and have ended up yelling at HER on the phone too. These days, I usually call screen her out of my life. (And I refuse to text at all.)

Sounds like this person is a good bit crazier that you are and she's a person I'd stay WAY far away from! I don't see anything wrong with the way you handled things, You were provoked and she refused to take "No" for an answer. Granted, there may have been more elegant responses possible, but I think you did fine.
 
Because it is familiar? "Fixing it".
It is familiar. I am told I don't tend to caretake friends problems, but I do tend to compulsively "fix" my own. And there is something else that feels so familiar about it, but I don't know where from.
@Justmehere And your 'friend' seems stuck in it. She will most probably now be 'hurt' and get others' sympathy. I think that it might need some effort to shake her.
It does feel so much like she is stuck in it. Like nothing I said would register with her. I was someone she HAD to rescue, that she begged to rescue, to even drive me to a hotel, even when I was so clear I didn't want any of it. Even when I was screaming at her to leave me alone.

I'm so sorry to hear your sister is the same way. It would drive me bonkers to deal with! It helps me to know I'm not the only one.
When I feel like that, it often turns out to relate to something that I "failed" to fix in the past and some part of me is still trying to "fix". Does she, or the situation remind you of anyone or anything?
I think I have someone in my family who acts like this, but I have some kind of weird block to figuring that out. The drama... And how it makes her look so good and makes me the sick one in need of help, the one who is the problem.

The weirdest thing to me was that a couple of hours after I yelled at her to go away, at about 4am Sunday morning, she texted me, "I love you." Oh boy. I wonder if I remind her of her mother or other family of hers!
But, holy cow! It made ME made just reading the post! I know someone who's a bit like that and have ended up yelling at HER on the phone too. These days, I usually call screen her out of my life. (And I refuse to text at all.)
So very smart!

Thanks for your encouragement scout!
What others said, and because the drama triangle is compelling.
It sure is.
 
If know this friend and friendship is not good for me, why do I still feel so drawn to fix it? The draw to fix it feels like I have to fix it, almost life it death level of intensity, even though I have no cognitive fear my life is in danger if I just let go and walk away.

Wow - I would respond to your initial post though I think everyone else has done that better already.

Please try not get drawn into her dramatic thinking again. I know people who have been totally screwed over by messed up people like this who project their personal issues onto others. She sounds dangerous. It's good that you have identified that now though, and I am sure your mutual friends will probably soon realise this - people like this tend to repeat this game with others.

I am sorry she stressed you so much. Maybe you did the wrong thing, leaving the house or replying to her. Though you do not have any reason to feel bad about this. You have PTSD and she's a crazy triggering individual interfering in your life because she saw this opportunity and possible vulnerability in you.

Do not feel sorry for her or try to ensure she isn't upset by this. Put yourself 1st. Only you can do this. She has an ulterior motive (probably wanting to be seen as the martyr without their own issues) and needs to work on this issue on her own.

I hope you're feeling okay after all of this. Please do not be afraid to reach out to your friends
 
I'd say to work on letting this friendship go. Please don't contact her for ANY reason. This is hard, I know, but the bottom line is that she is a direct threat to your own safety. She thinks she is trying to save you, but the truth is that she is overreacting because of her own past. She caused you to leave your apartment in the middle of the night (not the safest thing to do, even if you live in the best of neighborhoods), and being hauled off to the ER in the back of a cop car could have spun you off into a terrible episode (I know that's what it would have done to me).

Sending a self-pity text about deserving punishment isn't a reason for someone to lose their freedom and be hauled off to the ER! (OK, I think that we can agree that deserving punishment is along the lines of self pity, right? I struggle with this, too.)

The bottom line is that she doesn't have safety issues like many of us with PTSD do, and she will never know how much we struggle just to have this basic need met. I know I go on and on about the safety thing in post after post, but it's true. Most people don't have a clue about our safety issues, nor will they ever. They take for granted their sense of safety because it has always been there.....its so second nature to them that they probably don't/can't even acknowledge that they even feel "safe", because they have never had a true sense of feeling "unsafe" (at least not in an ongoing sense).

Sorry for rambling, but please, don't contact her again. She is not a safe person.
 
She sounds like a BASKETCASE...you have enough on your f***in' plate.
She is behaving like a martyr and people like that are dangerous because they think that there self-serving actions are convincingly about others, when they are anything but.
The whole talking to your mutual friends making out like you are on the edge, when actually it's her is all a bit 'Single White Female' for my liking.

I DO NOT think your over reacted and I wouldn't give another seconds worry to her or what your mutual friends might think. If they asked, say she threatened to call the cops on you in the middle of the night for no reason and you flipped. END OF.

I think sometime because we have PTSD and know of the suffering that causes it, we give far too much slack to other people with 'problems'. Even when those people sort of fetishize and romanticise their issues. It's not healthy.[DOUBLEPOST=1404078352,1404078123][/DOUBLEPOST]She doesn't look like a late eighties Glenn Close does she, cos I'd hide your bloody rabbit, pronto!
 
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