Hi, fellow journeyers...Thank you for your kind welcomes and thoughts :Hug_emoticon:
Your courage inspires my will to be well.
Please help me to understand something. --> I went to see my doctor today. My husband came with me to the appointment. These two men are blessings -- so kind, lucid, gentle and affirming.
I, at the core of me, stillbelieve that I am not worthy of kindness. I fear, despite the presence -- always -- of at least one compassionate guardian and many beautiful friends in my life -- and a mate who is my heart's lifelong desire (we met when I was 42, he 49...forgive the cliché but those are the words that insisted on coming!:rolleyes:) ... that I am constitutionally incapable of bonding with another...like something fundamental in me is missing.
I honestly wonder at any person who loves me...and wonder if I am incapable of loving. If I'm missing a part, so to speak.
Funny, though...animals (especially cats) come to me without fear. I notice this and think, What am I just not getting?!:crazy:
It's something I've lived with for so long...thought/written about, wrestled with...never spoken of.
Does anyone understand this / relate with it?
Thank you for any thoughts...:smile:
Roo
Your courage inspires my will to be well.
Please help me to understand something. --> I went to see my doctor today. My husband came with me to the appointment. These two men are blessings -- so kind, lucid, gentle and affirming.
I, at the core of me, stillbelieve that I am not worthy of kindness. I fear, despite the presence -- always -- of at least one compassionate guardian and many beautiful friends in my life -- and a mate who is my heart's lifelong desire (we met when I was 42, he 49...forgive the cliché but those are the words that insisted on coming!:rolleyes:) ... that I am constitutionally incapable of bonding with another...like something fundamental in me is missing.
I honestly wonder at any person who loves me...and wonder if I am incapable of loving. If I'm missing a part, so to speak.
Funny, though...animals (especially cats) come to me without fear. I notice this and think, What am I just not getting?!:crazy:
It's something I've lived with for so long...thought/written about, wrestled with...never spoken of.
Does anyone understand this / relate with it?
Thank you for any thoughts...:smile:
Roo