Quiting Therapy

[Chosen]

I only use the Trevor hotline in the states. It's geared towards LGBTQ youth, but they'll talk to anyone, and I've found the majority of people I speak on there are very helpful. 866-488-7386.

 

[WillyKat]

@Justmehere I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. But I'm thankful to you for having the subroutine that is taking care of yourself. I personally find that encouraging and I hope you do too.

 

[Justmehere]

@digger - you were right, she did understand. whew.

I am sorry that helpline were not more supportive. My partner used to work for a child helpline and he quit because he felt like they did nothing to help or support kids who really needed it.

some of them are so messed up. A voice recording would be an IMPROVEMENT.

Also, are you physically okay after hurting yourself?

Yeah. I finally bandaged myself up and I think it will heal ok. After talking to my therapist, I made an appointment with a doctor tomorrow morning just in case. She told me that I could just say I was injured and I don't want to talk about how - and that she would be available to talk to him if anything got weird.

Good job on un-quitting therapy...the quitting might come from the same place as self-injury (or that's how it feels for me...they aren't always related, but come from the same place).

They really did come from the same place - it felt self punishing to quit. Thanks for all the encouragement to stick it out. It helped me have the courage to talk to my therapist when she called.

My T helped me learn to delay and avoid self injuring. Like, make an agreement with myself that I would watch a movie for 20 minutes before I did anything. Then at the end of those 20 minutes convince myself to fold a load of laundry before I did anything. Then, to eat dinner before I did anything. Etc. Sometimes I was able to make it to bed, or just long enough for meds to kick in, and it worked. Maybe that could help next time for you?

I love this idea. I am making a list of things to do for 10-20 minutes if the urges come back and then I am going to do those things before I act. It was a pretty impulsive thing to do this morning, but I think I can at the very least slow it down and hopefully stop again.

Another idea: do you have a spot in your house where that little part of you feels safe? Maybe you could create a little spot for her in a closet or behind a piece of furniture where you could place some blankets and stuffed animals and maybe a coloring book.

It’s a really upset and scared little kid. I have been trying to think of what would feel safe and I am so glad for your suggestion. I don’t know what she needs, but the idea of a book and a blanket and a stuffed animal sounds so good inside.

• I agree with you, that being told to 'calm down' can not be productive; calming down is a series of steps that someone may need to be guided through. I'm sorry that the crisis life didn't have some this skilled.

Exactly! The worst thing was that I called a crisis line for a community mental health center because they are trained therapists. Even then, all I got was calm down. Yeah, if I could have done that I would not have been calling them in the first place.
Thanks for all your ideas and encouragement. I have meds, and I rarely take them, and they had knocked me out enough to sleep for a short while at first, and then I woke up in a horrible panic. Back to the drawing board on that one.

It is truly a harrowing place to be with the acid flowing through the body, the anxiety, the failure of the helping system, the feeling punished when asking for help (big time on that one) and the inevitable compulsion to SI to make the world STOP.

Yeah, exactly. You put it into words so very well. I’m so sorry you have felt like this too – and it helps so much to know I’m not alone in it and to see it written out with words I could not find.

this site is a testament to the resilient spirit of the wounded to help each other.

It is!

The sun never says to the Earth, "you owe me". Look at what happens with a love like that. It lights up the sky. Sufi poet Hafiz

Oh, that is a perfect saying…

I honestly don't feel that this is weird at all. There is nothing so horrifying as knowing that you MUST be calm while some scary piece of crap called your parent is ranting and screaming and smashing you around like a rag doll and your only job is to 'stay calm'.

This is so validating to read. This was me as a kid. So much me.

I had a list of things that made me 'safe'.
1. My car was the first thing on the list. I wouldn't drive but I would sit in it (as houses exacerbate my unsafe feelings).
2. I would text certain people who understood me and if they were able they would call me as I sat in my car. They would help to ground me.
3. I have a blanket that makes me feel soothed. It is the softest and most loving gift I have ever gotten.
4. Embarrassed, but I have a Teddy Bear. Yep, I am 52 and needed my Teddy Bear. I kept it with me where ever I went.
5. I pictured that feeling of losing control as being pulled into a dark hole. I was told by my shaman once when I felt the need to jump down that hole to NEVER go down there. To picture the feeling in the hole and attempt to pull the feeling out towards the light and my body.

This is a great list!
I think I need to find my teddy bear… it helps so much to know I’m not dumb for wanting one right now. I was too scared to want one until I read you all posting about things like that.

@WillyKat - thank you much.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience with a helpline! I'd advise you to call the one that I talk to, but I know you don't live in my state. I was ready to hurt myself and pretty hysterical the last time I called, and they were able to help me calm down because, DUH, that's their job!!

Uhm, who calls a crisis line when they are calm? *scratches head*

 

[Chava]

I'm a successful adult professional...with a very helpful stuffed animal at home and the occassional need to hide in my own house sometimes. Once I got over my negative judgement of all comforts I realized how deeply my body needed them, including a stuffed animal to hug to my heart.

It helps! Something about activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Keep trying to listen to your body and don't be afraid of what it needs, even if it felt like something you couldn't have when you were younger...you can give that soothing to yourself (for me it still takes practice...and I've also made a list of soothing things/actions).

 

[shimmerz]

Uhm, who calls a crisis line when they are calm? *scratches head*

This is brilliant! Simple concept for those of us who use helplines. *Rolls eyes and shakes head*.

 

[KwanYingirl]

It might take a bit to find your comfort bear and soft blanket, til then, we've got your back girl!

 

[Justmehere]

You all make me smile through the tears. Thank you so much. :)

 

[scout86]

Someday, when you're in the right frame of mind, it might be a good idea to call that "help line" and talk to who ever is in charge about your experience. Or ask your T to do it. That was SO bad, and SO out of line, they really could get someone killed and they need to fix things.

(I don't have a bear, but I have a cute stuffed cow & and English Bulldog who THINKS she's a "stuffed animal" a lot of the time.)

 

[Friday]

The other thing to remember when you're in a good place, so it can leak over to when you're in a bad place... Is that what works for one person doesn't work for everyone.

Meaning if you get an unhelpful person at a help line, ask for someone else.

The person you're talking to may be exactly what the next caller needs, but they're making you worse. That's not your fault. Not their fault. It just is. You aren't obligated to fix them, or explain better, or be different. It just differing personalities and differing experiences.

 

[lovesasoldier]

@digger - you were right, she did understand. whew.

some of them are so messed up. A voice recording would be an IMPROVEMENT.

Yeah. I finally bandaged myself up and I think it will heal ok. After talking to my therapist, I made an appointment with a doctor tomorrow morning just in case. She told me that I could just say I was injured and I don't want to talk about how - and that she would be available to talk to him if anything got weird.

They really did come from the same place - it felt self punishing to quit. Thanks for all the encouragement to stick it out. It helped me have the courage to talk to my therapist when she called.

I love this idea. I am making a list of things to do for 10-20 minutes if the urges come back and then I am going to do those things before I act. It was a pretty impulsive thing to do this morning, but I think I can at the very least slow it down and hopefully stop again.

It’s a really upset and scared little kid. I have been trying to think of what would feel safe and I am so glad for your suggestion. I don’t know what she needs, but the idea of a book and a blanket and a stuffed animal sounds so good inside.
Exactly! The worst thing was that I called a crisis line for a community mental health center because they are trained therapists. Even then, all I got was calm down. Yeah, if I could have done that I would not have been calling them in the first place.
Thanks for all your ideas and encouragement. I have meds, and I rarely take them, and they had knocked me out enough to sleep for a short while at first, and then I woke up in a horrible panic. Back to the drawing board on that one.

Yeah, exactly. You put it into words so very well. I’m so sorry you have felt like this too – and it helps so much to know I’m not alone in it and to see it written out with words I could not find.

It is!

Oh, that is a perfect saying…

This is so validating to read. This was me as a kid. So much me.

This is a great list!
I think I need to find my teddy bear… it helps so much to know I’m not dumb for wanting one right now. I was too scared to want one until I read you all posting about things like that.

@WillyKat - thank you much.

[DOUBLEPOST=1405718314,1405718242][/DOUBLEPOST]I'm really glad you un-quit therapy. Your therapist sounds very understanding and supportive. If she weren't I'd tell you to try someone new. It's so hard going through all the crap with someone new, but I once had a friend tell me a good therapist is like a good pair of shoes, you have to try a lot of them on to find the right pair.

As far as the teddy bear-I have a Spunky Dog. I know weird.When I was 14 I got a dog a neighbor had found abandoned. They had named "him" Spunky. We later found out he was a she, but the name stuck. She died 13 years later and broke my heart. One of the best companions I have ever had. And I've had a lot-all awesome.Well, long story slightly shorter, my parents went to the pharmacy to pick up my dad's meds, and he saw this little white stuffed dog by Gund that looked like my Spunky. He bought it for me, had them put it in a box and left it sitting on my chair in the kitchen. When I came home from work I asked what it was and my mother said open it. Well both my Dad and I started crying. I keep that stuffed dog with me to this day (I'm 49). It still gives me some comfort. Especially with all the things in my life I'm trying to cope with right now. (I too went back to therapy-and had a panic attack in the office) It doesn't help that I am homeless and staying with a relative and can't have my cats with me. I miss the unconditional love I get from them. My cats are very loving and affectionate, and I miss it. I am fortunate that I found a temporary foster facility so I didn't have to surrender them. So I have hope that I will turn my life around, find a place to live and get my babies back.

Something that has also helped me on occasion (doesn't work every time) is to get an hypnosis app for your phone if you can. They have them for a variety of things including anxiety. I kind of like the Darren Marks and Andrew Johnson ones because I find their voices soothing. They, along with my medication, have stopped panic attacks. I often listen to them as I fall asleep. I like the guided relaxation techniques. It make me aware of where the tension in my body is so I can at least fall asleep. Staying asleep is another matter.

So hang in there and keep plugging away at it. I believe you can do this, because you want to. Too many people hang on to the hurt, guilt, and shame, and won't even acknowledge it exists and is messing up their life (my soldier for one), so self-awareness is a key step to recovery.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. "-Maya Angelou

"Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me."
-Emily Dickinson

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

I left my former doctor because she was of no help to me whatsoever. She didn't think about my PTSD, she thought about my marriage and how I was affecting HIM!!!! I needed a doctor that dealt specifically with PTSD and not some guidance counselor schmuck who sat on her duff wasting 1/2 of time (which was supposed to be one hour). So I called and got a new doctor and said, "SEE YA!" You have to do what is best for you and your situation especially your PTSD. Therapy doesn't skim the top unless the therapist knows exactly what you were diagnosed with, what your triggers and issues are and how to work with you on them.

Why do I sound like a counselor? *throws up hands*