Needing To Control My Temper Help!!

[bigt69]

Hi everyone,firstly im new to the site so forgive me if i need help on a subject that has already been covered elsewhere.
In a nutshell.My problem started when aged 19 i was lucky enough to get into a british police force.What occured over the next two years of my probationary period can only be described as horrific.My mentor officer actually said that i had witnessed and been involved in things that some officers didnt witness in a whole career.This was 25 years ago and i have lived with ptsd ever since at some level or another.
In 2009 i split from my ex wife and it brought back things i thought were well and truly buried in my head.
I have since met a truly outstanding woman and her daughter who i both love dearly.
My ptsd has never really subsided since 2009 and although i have never been violent in any way i do have a temper.
Ive been to the doc who has put me on Ad,s and recommended counselling which i will attend.
I can not afford to let ptsd rule my life anymore.does anyone have any advice for me on controlling my temper? as its not fair on my loved ones

 

[Sammyiam]

Hi bigt69,
Welcome to the PTSD Site, you will meet lots of really amazing people here, all with so many different problems arising from very similar situations. That is why this place is so wonderful, there are very caring people that have been through or are going through what you have or are going through. I personally have not had to deal with anger as I have never felt it which, I'm not to sure if that is good or bad ?. Chat is a great place to catch people and talk to so many different people from different countries all with very big hearts that will try and help you, I know they have helped me so much and been there when I have needed it. There is so much information to read through as well. Once again welcome.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey Bigt69.

You're not the only one to come seek help on this forum for a temper :P I welcome you to it.
The stuff I went through have left me with a raging temper that actually have caused me to destroy property (some doors in my previous apartment, and a whole bunch of my own property). I had no idea how to calm it and medication only seems to help for a short while.

For me, working on learning to control my emotions helps (although I still have trouble with it now and then). It's a process of being mindful of your emotions. First, you'll need to know what's triggering the anger... in my case, it's tension. When the tension builds up in my body I'm more prone to violent outbursts and feelings of anger/hate. I go running now, once a week (5 km) to release some of that tension, and I try to use relaxation techniques (like tense and release). It helps to work on being relaxed more often, take the time to observe yourself.

Also, believe it or not, when you are angry, you do actually have a choice, and you do actually have the power to deal with it constructively. I kind of thought that the anger was in control of me instead of the other way around, and it was, until I took the control back... (man, I sound like the cover of a psychology magazine). With mindfulness, you can learn how to observe as the anger starts to boil, and then decide to breathe in/out deeply (the simple count-to-ten method) instead of taking it out on something/someone.

Anger is a lot like a screaming child. It opens its mouth and starts screaming until it can't scream anymore. You would probably tell it "breathe" and you would talk to it. You'd ask it why it's angry and then apply logic. I don't know about your anger but in my case it's a defense mechanism, so you could wonder "do I really need this defense mechanism?".

If you google anger issues, it will actually also come up with some helpful advice. And I bet there's more people around here who have experience with it. Good luck :tup:

 

[bigt69]

Hi radise
Thanks for your comments they are very helpful,i guess ive never been very good about knowing about my mental state and how it affects my moods etc however as soon as you said "tension" it came to me like a eureka moment complete with a cartoon like lightbulb lighting up at the side of my head!!and now i can see the tension building up on a friday afternoon drive home and during the weekend i very rarely fully relax,as because i work away theres always lots of chores that need doing and my partner and i get very little quality time together,which is obviously something else that needs working on.But radise im defo going to look into this tension thing cheers for you help

 

[StarChild]

This was 25 years ago and i have lived with ptsd ever since at some level or another.

@bigt69, sorry if missed something, but were you ever officially diagnosed with PTSD and are / or have you been in treatment (trauma therapy)?

Oh and what exactly IS your problem? Could you give some examples for a better understanding of your personal situation? Thank you in advance.

 

[Cassey]

Hi welcome fully understand what your going through so well. What support did your welfare give you? Are you still in the job?

 

[bigt69]

I was on duty for my first football match which turned into the hillsborough disaster.i did what i could but just so many injured.We were all sent for counselling but this was '89 and counselling was new, the counsellor was sat behind a big desk asked me what the probs were so i explained about the nightmares the flashbacks etc,she said"youve got ptsd but things will get better"as i left her office i could almost hear her shout"next!!!!" Lol.Months after that on my first foot patrol alone,i was first on the scene at a fatal rta Ip was conscious (just)so i climbed in the wreck to check her,support her neck and talk to her til backup arrived,i spent 40 mins in the car with her while the fire service took the car apart,talking to her and reassuring her,then she wouldnt let go of my hand as we put her in the ambo so i went with her.she died in the ambulance.

Add to that another fatal rtc ,a cot death,and a suicide and two standard sudden deaths and you can see how my first TWO years went!talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time!!

Im no longer in the job i completed seven years and tbh if i had joined up at the age that i eventually left ie with more life experience i would probably still be in there now.

Hope this clears a few things up

 

[bigt69]

I didnt't continue with my counselling as it felt like we were all on a conveyor belt.
I found it more use to me personally to talk to colleagues etc who had been in the same boat.

Somehow i managed to bury it in my mind but never truly forgotten. I think this is why when everything kicked off in 2009 when my marriage failed everything got dragged back up because of the emotions involved and ive been trying to bury it again on my own as i managed before.Only this time i can't do it.

 

[Cassey]

Sounds like you real need to talk to someone who knows/his or hers stuff. I am guessing the on going inquest that is taking place has borough back triggers.

 

[bigt69]

Hi cassey
Yeah the inquest isnt helping me but it will help everyone in the long term as hopefully it will put everything to bed for good.

I went to see the doc last week and told him how bad i really was with it all,he gave me some self referral forms to contact insight the counselling people,phoned them asap it took me two days just to get through!then spent half hour explaining details to a receptionist,to then be told ive got to wait until the 6th of august for a phone assessment and then 35 days after that until a face to face!!

Im sorry but there are alot of people out there who are much worse off than i am,people who need help fast and this system lets them down,im going to cancel the appointment and ill go private instead that way i can see someone as and when i need

 

[Cassey]

If I was you, keep your appoitment till you get somewhere with private. I am going through stuff at the moment work ( also in the job) are supportive now a days. It's hard going but when it starts stick with it. You end up dealing with all the shit jobs you have ever been to and stuff in your private life. The inquest when it does end I agree will help a lot of people I remember where I was that day, when the news broke. Then waiting to here if my cousin was safe can't imagine the thoughts feeling and emotions of people who were there.

 

[bigt69]

Cassey youve got a good point there re keeping the appointment think i probably will tbh.its good that the job now realise the importance of looking after their staff.After all you cant expect the people who work for you to keep dealing with the dregs of the earth on a daily basis,and to literally pick up the pieces when the shit hits the fan!In all fairness '89 was very early days for sitting down and discussing feelings and emotions etc.Its still new to me now!!!!lol