So Am I Going To End Up In The Mental Asylum???

[Justmehere]

It just means that I will always be considered wrong? And she will NEVER give up her blood related people over me? They will always be part of her life? Does this mean I should just shut up and get the hell out here and never look back?

So many "always" and "never"s - I think in your very understandable and justified upset and anger, your thinking is a little black and white.

What it comes down to is that you can't change her and she seems pretty determined to not face reality that their a family member (you) was badly abused. I do think that the more you try to change her denial, the more she will try to blame you, scapegoat you, and the more angry you will justifiably get...

Will it always be this way? Probably not. She is this way right now. You can't change her, but you are changing you. Maybe she will change some day. Her way of coping with the trauma is to blame the victim. It's awful, just awful.

It's not your fault and she may it may never understand but things will get better for you. Hang in there, my heart goes out to you. :hug:

 

[anthony]

To your first question, yes.

It just means that I will always be considered wrong?

To this one, which is more befitting... it has nothing to do with wrong and right, and that is your issue if that is your focus, not theirs. It's about power and control for them, even your mother. She is your mother, and doesn't want to seem inferior (power) for not knowing how to deal with it, thus letting things happen (control).

Denial from a person reaffirms both of those are still theirs.

 

[Jane.l]

It seems like you could use a little peace - do you have somewhere else to go - a calm, safe environment - you are stuck in the inequvilent of a pressure cooker right now and I think you need a break.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think you need to listen to your psychiatrist. I think that your environment is keeping you down. You may have to just take that leap of faith and get out of there. I mean if it IS your environment that's the problem, they could throw every drug in the world at you and you won't get better. It would be like telling the woman who is beaten by her husband daily that she should be better because she is on a lot of new meds, and that leaving the scene of the trauma is unnecessary. Here's a new thought....if your reactions are SITUATIONAL then meds aren't going to do shit for you. Not every negative emotion is a result of a "chemical imbalance". I see you repeating the same patterns over and over and over again, and I really do think it will only take a few weeks of being out of the environment before you notice a huge difference and question why you didn't leave earlier.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Solara : I think you are right. I am looking for jobs out of this city now and want to get out of here. Ever since my depression kicked in, be it this year, or last year or many years before, I felt I am in prison and felt as if I have no escape. Nothing makes me happy. I am bitter about myself and life. Any thought of them pisses me off let alone seeing them (i only get to see them once a week or maybe once a month and that too when they come to our house). My mother expects me to greet them but I HATE them and their presence. I am starting to feel that I need to leave this place to be in peace now. I love my mother BUT I do NOT like her thinking or her being there or trying to invalidate me. That's all for now.

 

[ghotiff]

I have read many of your posts and I think your environment is toxic and is holding you back from healing.

If there is any way to get out, I urge you to take it.

 

[scout86]

Am I really wasting my time?

That depends on what you're trying to do. If you're trying to change your family, yes, you're probably wasting your time. They are what they are and it sounds like they are what they have always been. They only people who can change them, are "them".

Does this mean I should just shut up and get the hell out here and never look back?

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me!

"Crazy" is repeating the same pattern and expecting a different result. You may change "you" but "they" aren't going to change unless they want to and it sounds like they don't.

My T has frequently said of MY family, "I wish you would think of these people as simply being 'interesting'." He means that quite literally and the approach works pretty well. Try to watch the dynamic like you're watching it from the outside. Like a visiting anthropologist. It can give you a different perspective and it's a lot better when you stay outside the drama and don't get sucked in. And, by all means, find another place to live! How much worse could it possibly be?

 

[J_trustno1]

@scout86 : hahahha, you reminded me off what my T told me about 2 week ago about my father and my mum's brother being a psychopath. I was laughing out loud there when she said this. My previous T told me NOT to pick fights with these people because I am fighting a losing battle but I just won't give up! Previous T also told me that they are toxic and dysfunctional and my mum has lived with them for too long so she won't change since she has accepted their abuse while I haven't and it was about time I stop trying! BUT I have trouble forgiving or forgetting :(

 

[scout86]

BUT I have trouble forgiving or forgetting :(

I know that you do, but it's even harder to do when they are in your face all the time. "Forgetting" isn't something I think we're called on to do. "Forgiving" is an option, but it's a choice and it's probably not for everyone. What you need to focus on is YOU and I can't imagine how you can do that where you are.

 

[The Albatross]

At some point I had to choose if I wanted to contribute to the crazy or take a ring side seat. I took ring side.

 

[digger]

@scout86 : BUT I have trouble forgiving or forgetting :(

That's not likely improve while you're still living where you are. It's in your face the whole time so you're not really giving yourself the opportunity to move on from this shit. I would work on making getting out of this situation your priority, so you can focus on building your opinion of you instead of repeatedly being drawn back to and questioning other people's opinions of you.

 

[J_trustno1]

@scout86 @The Albatross : I am even arguing with them in my dreams for that justice and that voice which was always stepped on. I really want to have a say but it feels that my voice is not getting in any far. My mum's understand of me is that I am wasting my energy and I should realise that I can't change anyone and I am the one who is on antideprssants NOT them. So i need to change myself BUT she is missing out on WHY the hell she jumps in to make peace for them NOT me? Why the hell am I made to go to my room each time and WHY can't they be kicked out of the house???