Really Wanting To Leave Town

[Dana1010]

@shimmerz, Yeah, I actually heard about that. Good call. However, the last time I was unemployed it took me five months to find a job. Somehow I doubt I could manage couch surfing for anywhere near that long.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

I relocated about 3 years ago from the west coast to the Mid West for a number of reasons including PTSD. It has been a mixed bag for sure. It did help to remove myself from my abuser at the time and all the stress that went with a divorce. However, starting over is very challenging. I loaded up my Honda Civic and drove across country with a friend and that is all I brought with me. I don't recommend my way. I had no job, though I did have a place to stay. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I honestly can say I would never have made it without at least knowing someone here.

Three years later and am I better off? Well, in some ways yes, but in others no. I really did come with myself and my fears and insecurities. If I did it again I would do things a bit different. The main thing being I would get right into counseling so there would have been someone to help me through my baggage and doubts and fears. The second being I would expand myself socially in a healthier way. I should have been more proactive in getting involved in a church or classes or something along those social lines.

If you know the area you want to go to, maybe start researching jobs and housing assistance in that area. Are you currently working? Can you transfer to the area you want to be in? Maybe check into live in elderly assistance so you have a place to start. Lots of jobs now do phone interviews, especially if they know you are out of state and planning a move.

In my experience, it is extremely hard and takes a lot of guts and determination. Things will most likely not go as you anticipate. The unexpected happens and you have to change course to accommodate your needs, wants, and dreams. Than being said, I would do it again with the changes I mentioned.

Good Luck!

 

[Dana1010]

It would be great to find some kind of spiritual community where you could do a residency and still have a life outside the community to search for a job. I think being in an environment like that would help a lot with the stress of adjusting to the move. Unfortunately, most yoga retreats and such that I've seen online are just glorified hotels that charge by the night.

 

[shimmerz]

spiritual community where you could do a residency and still have a life outside the community to search for a job.

This would be so nice. I have thought of this as well. Would love to start one of these up. Shame those of us with PTSD in the area couldn't (we have issues) support others until they got on their feet. I would love to be in the position to do this. *Heavy sigh*

 

[KwanYingirl]

I live in Maine. There is a nonprofit called Shalom House in my office building. There mission is to find good housing and support for people that are homeless or soon to be homeless. Maybe it operates in other states. Your local office of Health and human services may be able to help you get Section 8 housing and medical care and food stamps.

 

[Dana1010]

@KwanYingirl, Thanks for the practical info. I heard in the UK, public assistance is sometimes termed "job seeker's allowance." I wish we had something like that in the US. I wouldn't want to strip funds from people who are actually facing homelessness, but something short term for work seekers would be great, even if I had to pay it back.

 

[Hashi]

I heard in the UK, public assistance is sometimes termed "job seeker's allowance."

Please be under no illusions about jobseeker's allowance. It's a tiny amount that you can't live on, for people who have no choice about being unemployed. The only way you could survive is by applying for a raft of supplementary allowances for housing, clothes etc, and even if you got them you would still be seriously struggling.

If you chose to leave your previous job, jobseeker's allowance probably wouldn't even start until 26 weeks had passed. Either way, your job search would be expected to me highly active, constant and not picky - you're required to take any job whatsoever that would take you, within a 90 minute commute - 90 minutes one way, that is. Your job search and applications are monitored online and in person every week or fortnight, you have to make a minimum number of applications each week and those applications are checked for authenticity and quality.

I think you should forget any glossy ideas about benefits in the UK. I'm not saying that just because it's frustrating to see it being referred to like this (I was on jobseeker's allowance for some time fairly recently and it was grim). I'm saying it because I see a lack of research and reality in almost everything you're saying here, not just about jobseeker's allowance.

If you want to move, then research it, plan it and go for it. Make it happen. If there are practical challenges, find a way to meet them. If you aren't able to do that then work on being able to say where you are, at least until you're in a better position (with savings, coping or whatever) to plan a move.

You pointed me to this thread because I said something about symbolic action in a different one. If there is any symbolic action going on here, in my opinion it's wishful thinking and that is not a powerful or positive message to put "out there".

You've used the phrase day dreams. Day dreams are fine if you're happy with day dream outcomes (everything is the same except when you can escape in your imagination). That might sound judgemental or flippant, but I don't mean it that way at all - it's how I lived for years and it worked for me for most of that time. It was helpful. Where the limitations are is in having day dreams and yet hoping that to some extent they can manifest without doing what's needed towards that.

 

[Dana1010]

I see a lack of research and reality in almost everything you're saying here

Where else is the lack of reality? I acknowledged the vicious catch-22 that is needing a residence to get a job and needing a job to get a residence.

Also, I stand corrected on jobseeker's allowance.

 

[anthony]

It helped tremendously with mine, being military operational based... leaving a military town removed a lot of stress immediately purely from the constant presence of military around me and over me.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Yes. Actually sort of like @anthony the city I grew up in had 3 military bases. I don't have anything wrong with the military but 3 is a lot for one city and it also meant my military father would be more likely to visit. It can get stressful.

And then the city was were all the trauma happened and all my unhappy childhood happened so everywhere I looked was bad memories.

I'm glad I left. Miss the PX sometimes though.

 

[Friday]

I was wondering if relocating has affected anyone's PTSD status for better or worse.

Yep. Absolutely. In both directions. I'm a bit of a nomad, though, and I associate certain places with certain things as a matter of course, and then the PTSD side of me chimes in with its own colourings. For example, the entire South American continent is off limits. The whole place just stresses me out. (Nothing against SA, I feel the same way about Jacksonville NC, it's not the place it's me). The Balkans, otoh, I durn near took my child to recently (life intervened, or I would have). I have no idea why my brain has erased South America from the map and put 'here be monsters', but left Eastern Europe. I have a handful of states on my shit list, a few cities, and a couple of individual places as well. At one point in my life I decided to "win" by staying somewhere I despise until I didn't hate it any more... And then realized... You know what? This is a big effing world, full of amazing people, and things, and places. Why on earth am I staying somewhere awful instead of going somewhere incredible???

There is truth to "wherever you go, there you are". But there is also truth to fresh starts. I generally find myself somewhere in the middle.

As far as logistics go, I generally recommend traveling to a place for both fun & profit before outright moving there. There are usually crap-jobs available, and temporary housing, so you can stay somewhere very cheaply for a few weeks or months before deciding if you want to stay. The only caveat I have here, are foreign countries. Each country has it's own work permit laws, and they can be very difficult to obtain. If you want to be an exPat, that usually takes quite a bit of work in advance to do so legitimately.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Dana1010 I just reread your OP. I moved to Maine 11 years ago. My daughter has reached her limit with my unpredictability and memory problems. She's 30. So I suggested to her that it may be helpful for her to have a session with me and my therapist. She was very eager to do so. She told my therapist that she and her brother saw a real drop in my functioning after my move. I think a huge piece of that is that I got involved with a man who turned out to be very abusive and I was living in terror. I asked her if I have improved since getting rid of him and she said no. He still stalks me. I am hyper vigilant 24/7. Now I am moving again to save money, but also to try to get rid of him. Just my experience.
When I moved it was for a fresh start but I have had little success getting back on my feet.