Flash Backs To A War I Wasn't In.

[nicholi]

I served in Iraq, ahganistan, and fallujah in my tour. I can't say what all was done by either side but I came back to the most peaceful place with my grandparents in my old house were i was raised as a child. Its been two years, and I started creating CGI as a escape. I used Vietnam in all of it though, what my grandfather who raised me was in. I know the most common answer would be stop the CGI. I did quite awhile ago. It's not my CGI I'm seeing. I'm here to ask is it possible to have these flash backs to a war I was never even in? What's wrong with me? I feel like by I've abandoned my brothers by having these flashbacks instead of the ones I should have from my war. Whats wrong with me? I'm so sick of drinking the amount of whisky I am every day to make this go away.

 

[Whirlwind]

I never served so bear with me.....

My flashbacks are related to very real events but they don't always mean anything at first, like I remembered a shirt. Yes, a shirt dominated my flashbacks for awhile. Shirt came to make big sense after some time.

I'm sure more experienced people here will weigh in but I wouldn't assign blame to yourself or the style your flashbacks take, they are not movies, they are meaning in some or shape or fashion. confusing they definitely are - but while not flashbacks my dreams....I dream nightmares nearly every night, terrible stuff, I do the terrible things. But I am not my dreams.

Take care, Whirlwind

 

[nicholi]

I'm sure more experienced people here will weigh in but I wouldn't assign blame to yourself or the style your flashbacks take, they are not movies, they are meaning in some or shape or fashion. confusing they definitely are - but while not flashbacks my dreams....I dream nightmares nearly every night, terrible stuff, I do the terrible things. But I am not my dreams.

Thank you any little bit helps. I just hate being put back in that war and experiencing losing my grandfather. I'll find some way to beat this. I hope you find a way to stop yours. -Nicholi

 

[nicholi]

I apologize for the quote with my last post, I forgot that was not in accordance with the rules for this forum. It won't happen again. - Nicholi

 

[TonyG]

I have visions of footage of gunships in Iraq because I watch to much you tube but I don't class it as a flash back, same as watching a good movie the memory stays, my father and uncle had war stories that were pretty real but I don't really spend much time thinking about it. The both came home from war with shell shock, we call it PTSD

 

[Whirlwind]

I just hate being put back in that war and experiencing losing my grandfather.

That sounds rough, I can only imagine. Sorry for the loss of your grandpa.

I have found 2 authors on flashback management - if you are interested, PM me and I'll send you the titles so you can check them out, I'd post here but not sure about the policy re that sort of thing.

Take care, Whirlwind

 

[Barberian]

The mind is a difficult or impossible thing to figure out. Your mind may be trying to figure out your roll in the war without dealing directly with it. It is using images, sounds, etc that you have learned from other things to work around the edges of your memories - stories, tv, movies, etc. instead of what you actually experienced.

I suggest writing down what you remember from your dreams and see if they relate to any memories you might have of the real thing. Pay attention to everything - sounds, people present, number of people present, when they show up in the dream, what they are doing, have done, will do, time of day/night, background noises, temp, weather.

I also suggest writing out a diary of the things that bother you the most from memory. It can be in a book, computer, online. This is a common way to work things out, and is used by some mental health professionals. I did it and it helped me tremendously. I started on my computer, then moved to a trauma diary here. It was extremely difficult and almost pushed me over the edge in many ways. I tried too hard, and didn't give myself a break to process what I had dug up, before digging for more.

You served in a combat zone, if your PTSD is from that service, Anthony, the owner of this site has another one for combat vets who have PTSD from their time in a combat zone. Link Removed Vets are known for not always being able to get along with civilians. That's what that site is for. We can just be ourselves. There are vets from 'Nam to currently serving.

 

[Ronin]

I relate on personal level about it. But then I assume a lot has been being very close to people from similar conflicts through my path through life, and I don't tend to discount phenomena as strong empathy to people, on a level that *seems* something 'extra natural' and the like. And the stuff i believe about reality is whole different animal altogether, things about perception I know is at least *possible* given circumstances of extreme trauma.

The only advice I found applicable bout it? Deal with the primary traumas of your life, then deal with other things as the same literal, then connect the dots about it being some form of transfer, but *don't* focus on how strange it seems at first. You won't get far that way, that way is madness and things making *no* sense and the whole bag of issues will still stick around if you don't work them through.

Unusual isn't unrelatable, trauma is trauma, life throws strange sticks at people at times. Doesn't mean you don't have to deal with what's thrown at you. Or that you can't. You can.