Why Dont They Get It? *rant*

[sweetcandy]

I haven't been on this forum for long but I have already learnt so much especially about emotional triggers. Sometimes I feel like I am crazy because I have this hypervigilance and over sensitivity to things other people say and do. The most annoying thing about this is that some people don't understand the impact their words and actions have on me.

I have a friend who has been my friend for over 8 years. She has a couple of house mates and one night I overstayed my welcome. I only overstayed because one of the people who lived there was talking to me and I was having trouble ending the conversation to go home. One of the other men who live in the house had the TV up really loud while I was trying to have a conversation with someone else. He had it up really loud for about an hour. I am very sensitive to noise and it kind of triggered me. One of the men who live in the house yelled at me and said "its getting late, when are you going home?" I felt angry towards him at the time and left the house almost immediately.
The next day I get a phone call from them saying that they do not want me around at the house anymore because I ask too many questions. When speaking to other people who have spoken to them, they say it's because I stay overstay my welcome. It's like they tell me one thing and tell others something completely different about why they don't want me there.

This has had so much impact on me to the point where I am so overwhelmed emotionally. I drank alcohol last night which I haven't done in almost 7 years. Actually, I drank alcohol 2 nights a row. Sometimes I will think about the situation and I will start getting anxious and I even went into a panic attack. I was that bad that I fell over the heater and really hurt my chest. The rejection and abandonment that these "friends" are doing to me, has affected me so much that when I go into a panic attack I feel like I am nearly going to throw up and my heart is going to jump out of my chest. I shake and feel so overwhelmed that I want to run away.
No one understands! People always tell me to forget about the past and move on. Abandonment is something that I experienced at a very young age after some severe trauma. They don't realise their rejection brings up a life time of abuse. Why don't they get it? Its so frustrating coz I never did anything to them.

I dont know if this makes sense. Just needed to vent.

 

[RussH]

Sweet candy, I love your avitar. It is a beautiful picture of the bald eagle.
I do completely understand how rejection brings up all the hurt of the past. Rejection is one of my big triggers as well.
I also wanted to say that the housemates of your friend aren't worth your drinking over. As much as we want to be accepted by all, there are some people not worth our getting into a fret about.
What is your friend saying about it? Have you taked with her?
I hope things work out for you

 

[risingsun]

. The rejection and abandonment that these "friends" are doing to me, has affected me so much that when I go into a panic attack I feel like I am nearly going to throw up and my heart is going to jump out of my chest.

I've had friends like that. I am sorry you are hurting. I can empathize. In the past, when I was first traumatized I also had friends telling me to stay away. I realized that they were not friends at all. I was only holding onto them because I was afraid to be alone, yet I had never felt more alone than with narcissistic people who do not self reflect on their cruel actions and words. They traumatized me even more.

I am currently without outside friends and what a comfort that is. Until I find people who are going to celebrate me rather than tolerate me, I would rather learn to be at peace with myself in the silence of solitude. I think you need to reevaluate whether these people are adding to your life or harming your spirit.

Again, I am sorry for your suffering. Nothing feels worse than the bite of betrayal. I have also had people telling me to move on, blah blah blah. I do the best I can everyday and my spirit is healing at its own pace. I do not need the judgment of the world during my recovery. I hope the best for you. Know who you are and do not let other people make you feel "less than."
My prayers are with you, Rising Sun.

 

[arfie]

I am not sure I want to meet the person who wouldn't trigger off this one, sweetcandy. I am speechless and feeling triggered just from reading this. Triggered right back to when similar situations kept happening to me.... Ouch, ouch and ouch again!!! My favorite cliche list got me through it. Eventually. One of those moments where I didn't trust myself to get creative

Gentle validation, sweetcandy. That's seriously rough... Healing happens. Hope it happens to you.

 

[Chris Taranta]

He bro, or chicky, sometimes candor is the best way way to make a point. I understand thier frustration and your feeling of betrayal. I was talking with a man I thought I was befriending. The topic of PTSD came up. He expresses his belief that it was a trumped up ailment soldiers used to recieve a larger penssion when they retired from the military. I asked him if he hunted and he said he did and I told him it was cruel and inhumane. He looked at me like I was nuts. I said:"after all you can afford to go to the market so perhaps your getting free food is more like murder and fraudulently obtaining free food. Now, before you make absured stastements know your audience. I beat a man to death with a shovel because he was going to kill another American soldier who eas his trainer. I asked him how he would like to see that every night when her cloded his eyes to go to sleeep. Discussion over.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I do think drinking alcohol 2 nights in a row is gonna help esp as you hadn't drank in 7 years. What an achievement that was , well done!! Are they your true friends? I'd question yourself that and then ur so call friend who made you feel like this x good luck

SorryI meant drinking two nights in a row isn't gonna help

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Geez, what a bunch of unpleasant house mates. I get that you were angry. Anyone would have been.

Also, this isn't yours to deal with -at least in my country, it will be up to your friend who actually lives there, to set some boundaries. They should have rules about how long guests can stay, and they should have figured it out between them. It's incredibly blunt to tell a guest to just get out.

I know it hurts to have people emotionally betray you like that. But there are real friends out there who get it. I give you my word. They're just scarce. And sometimes they only hang out in specific places and it's hard to figure out where. But they exist.

People who tell you to "just move on" aren't worth your attention.
They will never understand, not even if you explain it to them a hundred times.