New-ish Friendship Struggles

[Opup]

Before I get started, I'm just going to point out the fact that like many of us I do no have friends. It's necessarily I don't want friends, its not that I don't try. It's just for whatever reason they don't happen. I get along with people, I love the people I work with they don't seem to mind me but when it comes to hanging out outside of work it just doesn't happen. I don't get invited. I think I just kind of fade into the background. I struggle with it a lot but that's not so much the point of this post.

I recently did make someone who I consider(ed) a friend. It was going great, we talked a lot. I helped them out with things, they helped me out with things. There was some rockiness, but for the most part we both get along and have been very supportive of each other.

Recently that's completely reversed. If I try to talk to them I get excuses of why they can't talk to me. Legitimate excuses, except 2 weeks of constant excuses is slowly feeling less legitimate. If I do get responses they are like one sentence and less than helpful. They have not opened up to me about anything going on, even to the point of not answer simple questions like "what are you up to today", for this time frame as well.

I drew attention to it about a week ago, and they pointed out I'm being too needy. Thinking about it, maybe yes, I have done this before. I seem to finally find something I've been looking for forever and over do it. However in the beginning my friend was fine with this, even encouraged it. I cut back on communication a bit anyways, because I really care about them and don't want to mess this up. It hasn't made any difference.

It's no communication or short answers that couldn't feel any less supportive. I'm starting to think they aren't being a friend at all. I've dealt with this in the past, people who are "friends" when they need you, and couldn't care less any other time. I didn't think this person was like that, but I"m second guessing myself now.

I'm really struggling, and am hurt and I need an outside view I think. I don't understand relationships at all, but I really don't feel like I'm being too needy. I really feel like they're not being a friend and if that's the case I need to end it before it's going to do anymore damage to me. It's already painful. I thought I'd finally found a real friend, and now I'm back to no one. It's so hard, and the only person I would talk about this happens to be the person causing it so that's why I'm asking for help.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Uni]

I am sorry about the misunderstanding about the shaking hand I forgot that I signed into another group. I hope that I can be forgiven I have a so many diagnosis in the last five years I just got diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, Social anxiety, pseudoseizures, panic attacks, dissociative disorder I was mentally, emotionally, physically abused by my so -called mom at age nine maybe ten she was cheating on my Dad she threw him out and brought him in he started abusing me sexually I told her she chose him over me saying she didn't want to be alone in bed. I was born sick and I will die sick.

 

[Zicaf]

"Needy" to the outside world can be something as simple as contacting the person too many times and not giving them space while the relationship is growing. Are you guilty of this?

"Needy" to someone like us is more along the lines of "I'm pathetic, please save me!" Ok, slight exaggeration, but I think you get my point.

Your definition of needy and the other persons definition of needy are likely not meeting up. In the next relationship, just take it slow. Go by the rule that you can contact them twice and if they don't respond, you lay off. Were you contacting them more than they were contacting you?

Of course if I'm off and it was an equal amount of reaching out for the other, maybe this person is used to more laid back friendships and wasn't a good match for you anyway.

 

[Anul]

I hate the term "needy". I would rather live the rest of my life alone than to be considered "needy". And yet, I know that I need people. I need food. I need rest.

I also think that sometimes, I meet someone and it seems we click and so I overexpose myself. And having years of therapy hasn't helped, because that relationship models disclosure as a "good" thing...so in order to become closer to someone, I will tell them things that either they or I are not ready for...it's too much for them or for me.

I have a mentor/teacher who has suggested that when we tell a friend the truth about where we are (for example, "I'm feeling really depressed and overwhelmed right now") we add that we are working on it with...a therapist, a group...whatever. And that, if the friend is willing to just listen, we don't expect them to fix anything. That way they don't become overwhelmed with our problems.

 

[Ovel]

"Needy" to the outside world can be something as simple as contacting the person too many times and not giving them space while the relationship is growing. Are you guilty of this?.

It's very hard for me to say. In the beginning it was definitely equal, and almost continuous contact. Then it was equally less for both of us. If we hadn't heard from each other we may check in, and this was both myself checking with them and them checking with me. Now if anyone says anything its me, and I may or may not get a response. I typically only contact once or twice without getting anything back. I'm starting to feel like I could go weeks without saying anything and they'd never contact me either. Which is where I'm like...a real friend would be interested at least sometimes.

I just think it's probably done and it hurts terrible and I don't really know what to do. Do I just stop contact completely. I don't want them to think I don't care, because I really do.

 

[Kucice]

I have never had friends I withdrew for the world of socializing at age 3 and as the abuse continued parts of me started dying I cried out for help none came because the thing that brought me into this world would lie to child protective services and nothing happened and they left she was cheating on Daddy she kicked Daddy out and brought the man in and he started sexually abusing me so her abuse his abuse my teacher in special ed classes would drag me up in front of the class room by my long braids and make fun of me how I looked and talked this went on for two years I had multiple nervous breakdowns I started self injuring I was 10 that was forty years ago the sexual abuse stopped when he died I never told my Daddy because I knew that Daddy would kill him to this day I hate her hate is not the right word I don't think there is another word for how much I hate her. Daddy died 23 years ago massive heart attack age 48 she is still living he died my safe place to go and god took him and left her here. I have been through a lot of diagnosis in th

 

[Ekiw]

In nearly four years Last year I got a new therapist and I finally got a proper diagnosis PTSD I also have OCD and Anxiety that causes panic attacks and pseudoseizures I have social anxiety insomnia I don't like being touched I don't feel safe anywhere.