Three Bears And My Head Wants To Explode

[Bill Dickerson]

I've been in a bad way. Stressing whether my Mom and I would move. Been talking to her for two years or more but she keeps dragging her feet. It's Goldilocks and Three Bears. She wants move but it's not close to her family...I don't like the house.... It's just been dragging on and on and on. I think I finally find the land and she settles on a double wide but no lets drag this out some more. I sit down and talk to her about I really need to do this and somebody else will buy the land. OK OK. drag it out more and more.

I've been in the bed three weeks because it seems she's not going to move. I'm exhausted. Monday I went to the Therapist and she said I should talk to her again. I talk to her Tuesday morning and I think I finally make her understand the need to go ahead with this. I feel a little better went to grocery store and made contact with the Realtor. The Realtor emails me back the land has a contract on it.

Feels like somebody kicked me in the head. I've been suppressing anxiety attacks since last night. My chest hurts and my hand and arm are going numb. I'm dizzy and my heart is pounding in my head. The longer I'm awake the worse it gets. It just builds and builds. Sleep is my only relief. I've had to go outside and sit in the cold because I feel like I'm going to fall out.

I haven't talked to my Mom since last night. I'm just so pissed it's better that I don't saying. Of course she my calls my Sister. Unfortunately my Mom is hard of hearing so she uses the speakerphone and before I can close my door I hear my Sister say "don't worry about him ....I don't know what that Therapist is thinking he just needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps".

Doesn't surprise me my Mom doesn't understand what PTSD is. I tried to explain it to her for many years. She just can't grasp it. I haven't even tried to explain it my sister.

I'm having trouble thinking so I hope this makes sense. There isn't anything to do or fix I needed to vent.

I'm so tried....I guess I'll go back to bed.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug:s to you if you will accept them.This situation would be so hard for me too! I'm sorry for what you are going through.

 

[Eleanor]

Hi Bill, I'm sorry the land has a contract on it. Could you guys put in a backup offer? Buying real estate sucks. And I cannot imagine the frustration of doing it with a reluctant other.

Can you go out someplace alone and "talk" to your mother without her there? Just say everything you've go to say with a rock or something standing in for your mother and/or sister? Find some way to feel your way through the anger and frustration and anxiety safely? And reconnect with yourself?

I'm sorry you are among people who are clueless. You deserve better than that...

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I talked to my T and I felt a little better. She suggested I can find someplace else. I came home and thought there might be something since I haven't checked on anything else for a while. I went online and put in the area and limits into the search site. I just got more depressed when I realized there isn't anything new and the parameters my Mom has just makes the reality all the more distant.

My T did say she would sit down with both of us and see if she can get her to understand the frustration I have.

I still haven't talked to her. Each time she tries to talk to me my anxiety level goes sky high and I can't breathe. My neck, shoulder, and arm are killing me already.

Find some way to feel your way through the anger and frustration and anxiety safely?

This is an odd statement. .......I'm suppose to feel my feelings? ......I'm suppose to do this safely? ........I think your confusing feelings and actions or maybe I just misunderstand.