Depressed And Feel Lost

[Shady_99']

My husband said a horrible thing to me today... He may not get to go to my family's house for Thanksgiving because he suffers from Bile Reflux and it causes him horrible stomach cramps and vomiting. Last Thanksgiving we stayed home because of his condition and my family got so upset with me. I don't drive so the only way I can get over there is either my husband or his mom has to take me. He told me to not be surprised if he wasn't home when I got home, and how our pitbulls need me because I'm there mama and that he wanted me to promise him that I wouldn't do anything stupid (as in take my own life) I told him if he kills himself I can't make any promises. After spending 10 years together day in and day out that's not something u wanna hear. I honestly can't promise that I wouldn't hurt myself if he took his life. HELP

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

If your husband is suicidal then he needs to go to the hospital ASAP. The relationship currently doesn't sound healthy. Are you both in therapy? Who has PTSD? Or anything else?

 

[Lukie]

Agreed. If you are even slightly concerned your husband might attempt suicide, please don't hesitate to make that call. He might only be bluffing, or feeling it in the moment, but it isn't worth taking that risk.

 

[Shady_99']

I think he was just bluffing because he seems to be in a better mood now. His stomach acts up and when that does he goes nuts. I have PTSD due to abuse from my mom and being very sick. We haven't tried counseling because he doesn't like taking to people.

 

[joeylittle]

I think he was just bluffing because he seems to be in a better mood now.

Doesn't matter. Either he's being incredibly emotionally manipulative (by "bluffing"), or he's covering.

His stomach acts up and when that does he goes nuts.

This doesn't give him the right to frighten you into submission. I'm sorry to sound so strong about it, but your response to his talking about suicide was a lot of (understandable) distress on your part. As hard as it would be, I encourage you to do this: if he brings it up again, tell him that he's talking about a very serious and upsetting thing, and ask him if he has actually made a plan or has the means for how he would take his own life. If he answers either of those questions in the affirmative, you need to seek help for him.

I'm so sorry - it sounds like a very rough situation, with him being in chronic pain. But that doesn't make it OK for him to make threats in order to get what he wants.

 

[Shady_99']

Amen!! I totally agree. I already told him that he's depressed and needed to talk to someone about it! He doesn't like to talk to anyone about his feelings.

 

[Friday]

People tend to get VERY relaxed, clear, even jovial, sexy, alight ... Right before they kill themselves. All the pain and torment is the struggle not to. It's part of why so many people 'didn't know'. That calm can last seconds, and then they jump. Or it can last days or even weeks as they wind up their affairs. Put things in order, laugh with old friends... Look like they're really sinking their teeth into life. And bang.

I've seen that switch happen. Seen it, and been too far away to do jack shit, and they're gone.

Don't trust the eye of the storm. Depression lies.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I'm sorry that you have so much to deal with...a controlling husband who (it sounds like) wants you to 'prove' that you love him by staying home on Thanksgiving.

My opinion....go to Thanksgiving and have a good time. He will be just fine, and 'there' when you get home. He might go somewhere so that you will panic, but then who would he have? He needs you, and because you are a good person (it's obvious in your words) he chooses to manipulate you with emotional blackmail, and doesn't care about your needs and how much you need to get away.

YOU need to nurture yourself if he won't! I hope you choose to go, have a good time, and show him that you can stand up to his controlling behavior. Abuse doesn't have to be physical...but what he does to you is emotional abuse, and you deserve better.

Good luck, and God bless you and give you the strength you need. Being with family will nourish you, and build you up. I think he may be afraid of THAT!

AKJ
:hug:

 

[Wounded Scribe]

I remember, prior to taking my life (Losing vital organ function temporarily, required intensive resuscitation) I recall, the calm before the suicide. Please, don't make that determination, "He is doing better..." He needs hospitalization. Consider periods of calm, "calm before the storm." My fatal suicide, happened after the holidays. During Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years I was very calm, and I stopped exhibiting those cries for help. Talking suicide, showing suicide attempts, I did everything, to hide what my plan was, and that's key.... I don't recall, maybe I missed it, does he have a plan? Ask him. Does he have access? Serious stuff, threatening suicide. If he wants to threaten it, he needs to go to the hospital. There, he is safe. He can get his mood stabilized, talk things out, you can rest and not feel as if you're pulling guard duty. If he is feeling better, contract for safety, but still, take him to the hospital. Call his primary. Call the law if he refuses to go. This business of, "Oh. They have calmed down and feel better, always scares me." The day I fired the rifle into me, I was actually quit calm on that day. Get him help, today.

 

[scout86]

Back when I was married, there were quite a few events that we did separately. That can work, if the understanding is "If you don't want to go, don't go" and it's free from any hurt feelings, manipulations passive aggressive game playing etc. It sounds like it would be nice if your family were a bit more accepting of your situation. You're kind of stuck in the middle.