Telling What's Dangerous And What's My Imagination

[Rumors]

Lord, I have no idea how it goes!!! I am just thankful I seem to be able to take medicine and get over that!!! Lol. ;) I am sure you were clear and I bumped over it in reading! Hang in there!

 

[ghotiff]

I haven't figured out why I should be so muddled around other people's safety, so terrified that something will happen to someone because of a mistake I made.

I have this too and I think others here also have this. My T did explain it a bit to me, but I've forgotten what she said.

If you start a new thread on this question specifically I think you and I would get some great insights.

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks @Rumors... hey, no worries, it's easy enough to do. I know there are times I skim over long posts because I don't have time to read the whole thing; also my concentration is such that lots of text in one place makes me anxious. (I'll bet there are people here who can relate to that one!)

@ghotiff, thank you, I'll do that. Sometimes I find it hard to find the right words to describe something I am looking for insight on. I can always try again! Thank you for your help.

 

[ghotiff]

I remembered what my T said....to paraphrase and summarise

I am paranoid about "mistakes" because when my parents found out about the abuse I was told to "keep myself safe" and I continued learning gymnastics from that abuser for the next 5 years. In that environment if made a mistake I would be sexually abused, and if it was going to happen anyway, a "mistake" would make it worse. (I have memories of things I did that made it worse, like showing emotion)

Your fears about a mistake you make being risky to others...were you responsible for someone else's safety ?

Just thoughts.

 

[sun seeker]

Hi @ghotiff, and thanks for your thoughts. I'm sorry that happened to you. That was a major betrayal for your parents to do that. It sounds like there was some heavy denial going on.

To answer your question about what happened to me that could have made me feel responsible for someone else... the thing is, I don't remember. I've had flashes of something so horrendous I still don't want to name it because I have overwhelming urges to hurt myself if I begin to believe it. On the other hand, both my parents and the religious school I went to were pretty shame-based. As to whether there was enough there to cause damage this severe... I just don't know. I've asked myself that question numerous times. I gather extreme feelings of being responsible for the safety of others is a common OCD trait. Why, I have not yet understood. What I haven't yet found in anything I've read is this sense of not knowing what is and is not safe. I think it might just be an extension of feeling like I live in an arbitrary world and have no control. Maybe.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Uhm, so you need to be "convinced" something will work for you before you even engage in it? Reality checks are only one small part of CBT, yet you want to throw the entire modality out b/c that one part won't work for you? I think you're doing yourself a huge disservice by needing to be convinced something will work before you try it. Therapy doesn't work that way most of the time.

If CBT doesn't work, then try ACT or something else.

 

[ghotiff]

extreme feelings of being responsible for the safety of others is a common OCD trait.

My friend doesn't have this (well at least not that they have shared), but I only know my friend in regards to OCD. Maybe they are a rarity.

I'm not convinced you are OCD. My friend has noticed that I have some similar OCD traits, but I'm not OCD, I'm more PTSD. Do you have a diagnosis, or a theory?

 

[sun seeker]

Solara, I don't think that's what I said. At least it isn't what I meant to convey. I had a therapist who did CBT. We used it for other things; this symptom wasn't bothering me at that point. I didn't find it helpful in general and have some fairly large qualms about the theory it is based on. I don't think it is a good fit for me. I also didn't mean to imply an unwillingness to work on this problem in some other way. I have finally found a good trauma therapist and I am sure this is something we will be working on. What I was really trying to get at in this thread was to know whether others have similar symptoms and possibly to gain some understanding of where they come from, so my focus has not been on what kind of treatment would be best.

Ghotiff, thank you for the feedback. This is actually a very common symptom of OCD, but by no means universal, so it's certainly possible your friend doesn't have it. I've heard, for instance, about a man who would take hours walking short distances because he felt the need to pick up every stick and stone off of the sidewalk in case someone came along and tripped over it and it was his fault. I don't have that particular problem, but could strongly sympathize.

I am not sure either whether what I have is classifiable as OCD. At this point, I am less concerned about a diagnosis than about understanding the confusion of danger and reality, because that is a symptom that is causing me a lot of distress. That's why I gave this thread the title I did. My personal feeling about diagnoses is that I would only really need one if I got to the point of applying for disability. Other than that, I strongly agree with the psychiatrists (at least two I've heard of have written similar things) who have said that the DSM would be a lot thinner if the people compiling it admitted that most of what is called mental illness could be attributed to a history of child abuse. I respect others who want to know their exact diagnosis, but for me, I don't feel it's a priority.