My partner has been struggling a lot lately. Over the last year we have grown close until the relationship moved further.
She has been going through a lot with a lot of pain related to her menstrual cycle. She is finally pain free due to an implant but is now facing the likelihood of a hysterectomy. Both of us work together and due to the ill health of our manager our work load has increased dramatically. With Christmas we are both exhausted. We have been working flat out, as animal rescue doesn't stop over the Christmas period, with only a minimum number of staff. 4 people caring for over 50 animals.
Before Christmas I managed to talk her in to going to see her doctor. It took three goes for someone to finally listen to her and she was diagnosed with depression and placed on citalopram. She has been on this before.
When she is struggling she lashes out, not physically but verbally. Her days off she gets very low, stops wanting to come to work the next day, loses all confidence in herself and the littlest thing can spark a very negative reaction.
Yesterday though it spilled over in to work. First thing in the morning I had to talk her in to coming in. When she arrived I started updating the staff on things discussed with our CEO the day prior. Normally I would have told her via message but the day before was her day off and she was in a bad way. Shortly in to my update she stormed out and slammed the door. I apologised to the staff and said I would speak to her.
When I found her crying in the loos she shouted at me, telling me off for telling the other staff things before her (we are the other staffs superiors). I told her I only started doing updates when she arrived. She was so tired. I just sat on the floor and held her while she cried. She apologised and after a little while I left her there to get on with work. A little bit later she apologised again.
Shortly after that I did something else that set her off and she walked out. This happened several times over the course of the day. I know she was just sounding off and so I went to find her every time and calm her and tell her it was ok.
Unfortunately just before she'd storm off she'd freeze just as my abusive ex would before he hit me. By the end of the day as much as I love and trusted her every time she came near me I would tense, a pit in my stomach would form and I just wanted to run away.
She came over in the evening and she gave me a hug, normally we lay on the sofa together with her on top of me and I love this but last night it triggered me in to a flashback. It took me four hours to start to relax and any sudden movement from her would make me flinch. I know she meant nothing by her shouting or storming out but I can't switch off the desire to defend myself even though she has never hit me.
She feels terrible because the trust is gone. I trust her but my body doesn't. I just don't know what to do. I am hoping things are on the up as she has been told she will be paid while recovering from her op but part of me is worried it will happen again.
She has been going through a lot with a lot of pain related to her menstrual cycle. She is finally pain free due to an implant but is now facing the likelihood of a hysterectomy. Both of us work together and due to the ill health of our manager our work load has increased dramatically. With Christmas we are both exhausted. We have been working flat out, as animal rescue doesn't stop over the Christmas period, with only a minimum number of staff. 4 people caring for over 50 animals.
Before Christmas I managed to talk her in to going to see her doctor. It took three goes for someone to finally listen to her and she was diagnosed with depression and placed on citalopram. She has been on this before.
When she is struggling she lashes out, not physically but verbally. Her days off she gets very low, stops wanting to come to work the next day, loses all confidence in herself and the littlest thing can spark a very negative reaction.
Yesterday though it spilled over in to work. First thing in the morning I had to talk her in to coming in. When she arrived I started updating the staff on things discussed with our CEO the day prior. Normally I would have told her via message but the day before was her day off and she was in a bad way. Shortly in to my update she stormed out and slammed the door. I apologised to the staff and said I would speak to her.
When I found her crying in the loos she shouted at me, telling me off for telling the other staff things before her (we are the other staffs superiors). I told her I only started doing updates when she arrived. She was so tired. I just sat on the floor and held her while she cried. She apologised and after a little while I left her there to get on with work. A little bit later she apologised again.
Shortly after that I did something else that set her off and she walked out. This happened several times over the course of the day. I know she was just sounding off and so I went to find her every time and calm her and tell her it was ok.
Unfortunately just before she'd storm off she'd freeze just as my abusive ex would before he hit me. By the end of the day as much as I love and trusted her every time she came near me I would tense, a pit in my stomach would form and I just wanted to run away.
She came over in the evening and she gave me a hug, normally we lay on the sofa together with her on top of me and I love this but last night it triggered me in to a flashback. It took me four hours to start to relax and any sudden movement from her would make me flinch. I know she meant nothing by her shouting or storming out but I can't switch off the desire to defend myself even though she has never hit me.
She feels terrible because the trust is gone. I trust her but my body doesn't. I just don't know what to do. I am hoping things are on the up as she has been told she will be paid while recovering from her op but part of me is worried it will happen again.
