General Found The Man Who Molested My Daughter.

[Nicolette]

Whomever is prosecuting, I would have a long chat with them and see where they stand on this. If they will compel her to testify, it could be quite the mess. If not, then consider yourselves lucky.

I have been in this situation too and don't totally agree with what Bec is saying. While I agree testifying can be "quite the mess" for someone it may not be for all. Testifying petrified me but the prosecutor was very good with me before hand and while in court they were very patient with me when I was a blubbering mess. It ended up being very freeing as you can let go of a "secret" and a "bad thing" which happened to you. By freeing I mean other people agreeing that what was done was wrong and no longer feeling bad in myself for what had been done to me. It was a bit like legal empathy if that makes sense. While our justice systems may not always be the best, it helps being told someone who hurt you was wrong for doing so by something seen to be powerful which represents justice. While family and friends may say the same things it is hard not to think they have a bias :rolleyes:

One thing I will add is that I don't have PTSD like Evie so I am not sure how that changes things.

 

[Jim]

Thank you Nicolette, much appreciated for your thoughts as well. Very interesting to hear your personal experience regarding 2 situations which turned out differently and how you felt. Believe were it me, would feel better sticking up for myself too. More painful to let it slide. Makes perfect sense.

Believe I have an idea how Evie feels about us being involved, though she hasn't told us yet. However. Worry sometimes that she will agree with us - especially myself - just because she loves us. Sometimes my daughter is less than forthcoming with us and more apt to want to please. So. I did wish for the responses of others in any event. Good to hear all sides.

I'm with you Nicolette. Best tackle problems head on. Confront abusers and so forth. However. Strength is needed to do so, also support. And. As you also say, we don't have PTSD. Who knows how badly one feels with PTSD. Might be too much to handle. I don't pretend to know, that's for sure.

Much appreciated once more. Very good thoughts.

Jim.

 

[Anewme]

My duaghter was molested and he got away with it she was 12 when it happened and 17 at trial she is now 26 and a mess although we have tried our best to help her - NO GO....now I am watching her throw her life away and her 2 daughters. So frustrstion is greatly understood. Sometimes you just have to wait.

 

[Jim]

Welcome to the forum Anewme. Sorry to hear of the troubles with your daughter. Can relate certainly, as I have been through rough times with my daughter as well. She ran away for 5 years - age 17 to 22 - no contact with us during that time. Terrible pain from that. However. She came back to us and is much improved. I wish you all the best with your daughter and welcome once more.

Jim.

 

[kers]

Can charges be brought without Evie's testimony, such as on other incidents? That might be something she would like to know, too. I know if I were considering prosecuting, it would depend on whether or not it could be done without me.

 

[Jim]

There are 2 others willing to testify. However. Evie's experience was more severe than theirs. So. He may get a lesser charge without her testimony.

Jim.

 

[Nicolette]

Men like that should rot in hell! :mad:

 

[Jim]

Think my sons and myself would like to give him a taste of hell here on earth. Must say, being back in Canada on a business trip currently, I am having to contain myself. As I now know where he lives.

Jim.

 

[Nicolette]

Well, I guess you then have an option if justice does not prevail. :rolleyes:

Can't blame you for how you feel Jim. Evie's only a friend and I want to see him punished let alone feeling like a parent. It's disgusting.

 

[Jim]

Yep. Only reason I'm calm at the moment is because I've known for over a year. Wasn't so when I first found out let me tell you.

Jim.

 

[Tessan25]

Hi Jim!
i speak as a rape victim that you really should be careful with you dougthers wishes
it her you put on the stand
unfunertly its the victim that have to go trhough all the mess again..
with a lot of shame and feelings to belong with it..
so dont pusch your dughter to anything
send her to some conselleing and make the teraphist leed you along the way
im sorry to say it will be a road that have many bumbs and turns but with the right support the road is going to be lighter..

i send you the warmest hug i can give you and your doughter
i feel for you all
and feel free here to ask us anything here
we are a lot of victims am sad to say
but we all in here wishes you the best of luck!

Tessan

 

[Cowgirl]

My daughter is very upset over it. She agreed to write a sworn statement to the court of what went on. Other than that she wants no part of it. Her decision of course. However. We as parents still wish to be involved in the case. So. Question. Are we crossing a boundary of our daughters by being involved? All opinions welcome. She is 24 years old.

Jim.

OUCH! This is difficult, Jim. I'm in the legal field, but not in your country, so I cannot comment about the laws you are dealing with.

The Catholic Church did the same thing in the USA, moving priests from parish to parish when the priests were caught molesting children. It temporarily saved face for the church, but it gave the predators a whole new crop of unsuspecting victims.

Personally, if parents came to me with such a case, I would talk to them sympathetically. But if the victim was not on board, I would not take the case. First, it would be virtually impossible to prove the case against him without her cooperation. Second, even if I could prove the case without her cooperation, if she is not ready to pursue the case against him, it could be damaging to her emotionally and I would want no part in that. I went into this profession to help people, not to harm them.

I fully understand your anger. If that was my situation, I'd have to work very hard at not shooting the SOB, honestly. :wink:

But ultimately, she was the victim. Yes, you feel victimized too, as you love her and you dealt with the fallout from the priest's crimes. But she was the victim. And ultimately, it is her needs that should be respected.

I would counsel you to take a back seat in this case. Let other victims pursue it.

Hugs,

Cowgirl