Please Just Stop

[IrisL]

They I think just try to care - not too close, but they are seriously worrying. They don't want to hurt us at all. They trying to understands what it's in our mind. You neither get to know the other person if you not ask questions. But I agree sometimes it's can be pushy... And probably they just want to show and makes us realise our worth.and to we can have future, but hard to oversee our own limitations which we are making for ourselves. And that's a hard to face with, because in that way we have to take a huge responsibility. And maybe we think because on the time we couldn't why we should now?!... But sooner or later we have to if we want to get out from our shields which never protected us well enough.
Hard to face with the reality and the truth and sometimes great to take a brake from everything.

 

[Ellabella44]

votes in poll.... :)

Its hard to see a future from here, its like asking you where you want to go , but ahead of you is a mountain, and the road is beyond that. Once you create the tunnel there ( healing in any way) you don't know whats on the other side.

Maybe say you need to work on settling your symptoms first before you can see where to go with a future with a clear head and direction.

 

[Kefira]

I think I would take a long hard look at the intentions of the people urging you to take action/plan/have a strategy.
...
I don't like getting my bubble busted sometimes, but I stand up and take notice when good/well intentioned people speak up.

I think a lot of this is in intention for me too, thanks for helping with that epiphany. :)

For me though, a lot of my family members don't just want me to get better, they want me to exceed and to be successful in their definition of it. Which is money and status at levels that I don't care to have, even if they were reachable. These are the people through learning some discernment skills I've learned to just not listen to. Their goals for me are not my own.

On the other hand, when friends are trying to help in ways that say they're hearing me, I try really hard to at least hear. Those are also the people more often than not though who will understand something like "I'm listening and I hear you, I promise, I even agree with you (If you do): it's just that I'm living day to day and I don't even begin to know how to approach that. It's really overwhelming to me and I don't know if I can think about it right now". Sometimes then you can get into a conversation about smaller steps to take.

My .02
Also voting in the poll :)

 

[joeylittle]

I can't look ahead very often. I try regularly, though, because it's a way of understanding where I'm at. When people ask me about what's next, etc, in a professional setting I've gotten good at giving a rehearsed answer and then flipping the question to something else. That minimizes discomfort. With people I know, I just say "talking about the future is really hard for me right now. Can we talk about just this week?". Usually this is people who are trying to help me see that there is a future, and it can actually help when we can have a little talk about little goals that might help me. There are I think 3 people I can actually have that conversation with. Two are my doctors. :)

 

[shimmerz]

WOW! So much good in this posting. Thanks for those who 'voted' for me, and even those who didn't.

It is a difficult thing when overwhelmed. My 'stress cup' is definitely full; okay overflowing. Yes, the little goals are what I am attempting to focus on. Very little goals. I think that most likely those who are pushing me just haven't ever felt this 'one more thing and the dam bursts' feeling.

It is true, I do know their intentions are good. After having said that, they also know that I have in the past, reached the breaking point, I know how it feels, I know what happens when I do. They do not. But I am trying to tell them, just stand back a bit and let me breathe.

There is no suicide idealization, but instead, the little girl who wanders into the night no matter what the weather and curls up in a ball to die. She is a piece of me and I am well acquainted with her by now. I am protecting her, something that I didn't know how to do back in the day. They all know of her too, but don't see how she has toned down her reactions. So many times in the past, they would come searching for me/her and bring us into safety. They are used to her being dramatic like that. Now she is just whispering; asking me to get them to stop. I am honoured that she is trusting me and must not let her down.

I am finding that when the pieces of me react differently, it isn't just about my getting used to the changes, but others must adjust too. They are fighting me though, they feel they know better. This is my time to fight back and speak for all of the broken pieces who are mending right now. I have no idea if anyone will understand this. It feels so very, very alone.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@shimmerz - You last two paragraphs are so beautifully written in that last comment. It's heart-breaking, but beautiful, too. I am so wishing you good vibes through this. You've come so far like you've said, little goals are great and I hope your friends can realize that right now.

 

[City Slicker]

@shimmerz, I have such a vivid image of a woman shielding a little girl protectively with her adult body with her hand out, palm upwards in a 'stopping' motion to the rest of the world. Thank you for taking care of that little girl.

 

[shimmerz]

I just want you to know that I want to quote each and every one of you. Each of your differing views and opinions got me to understand why I am so vehemently taking this stance. I didn't realize what I was protecting when i started this post but with your questions and comments, each of you got me there. I am so grateful. Moving forwards, the following line is where I will anchor myself;

For me though, a lot of my family members don't just want me to get better, they want me to exceed and to be successful in their definition of it. Which is money and status at levels that I don't care to have, even if they were reachable. These are the people through learning some discernment skills I've learned to just not listen to. Their goals for me are not my own.

and this is the imagery I will use;

woman shielding a little girl protectively with her adult body with her hand out, palm upwards in a 'stopping' motion to the rest of the world.

I slept shortly after writing that post and have had time to process. Time to anchor.

Oh, and BTW, I vote for you all. Seriously, you have all been so kind through these times with me. :hug: