How Do You Both Acknowledge Trauma And Continue To Live Your Life?

[Catlovers141]

I did not always remember my trauma, but as bad as I feel now I would not choose to go back to not knowing. However, knowing what happened, especially some of the more horrific details, has made it hard for me to do "normal life". I have a hard time reconciling that there are horrible things that happen (and that these things happened to me) but I have to worry about going to work, making a grocery list, making light conversation with people, etc. It feels so strange. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it feels like those two parts of life can't exist together and it's hard for me to process trauma and even have it in the back of my mind as something that happened while at the same time trying to be "normal" and not have my life completely stop.
Anyone struggle with this and have an idea of what has been helpful?

 

[Nam]

Lots of struggle with this. The only way is to heal the wounds that the trauma made in the psyche. It's hard to do that if you don't remember it all. So, I just go along the best I can with what I've got and where I am. The memories come out when typically I am feeling well. I deal with them as they come.

Some things that might help

• Therapy (this will help with the negative self talk)
• Self care: hobby, exercise, sleep, food, etc.
• Evaluate your meds to make sure you are taking the correct dosage for your symptoms and wean off accordingly
• Journaling: make sure it's someplace where you are not inhibited in any way
• When a memory surfaces, try to process not just the physical happenings but also the emotions that come with it.
• Be kind to yourself. This is hard work. It takes diligence, and a broad outlook.
• Keep the people close to you in the loop.

I hope you find a rest soon. Get a breather.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I'm still in the 'not quite knowing' area, for so many reasons. Some give me worries, some give relief. Well, the information that someone broke a chir on my head in 5th grade gave both explaination and worries. Is there more bad that happened to me? Yes

Problem I see is grand worry about state of my brain... I'm not sure what to assign memory loss to. How much was cauzed by chair-head. How much was brain protecting itself.

A lot of stuff I don't know, very little advice I can give, but at least a whole load of hugs to send and care about you :hug: Good luck!

 

[desiderata310]

I'm in the processes of this now. I second what Nam says.

There are times when the memory of what's happened is just right below the surface of everything I am saying. It's not in the forefront of my mind but it's there none-the-less.

Sometimes I can't get anything done because of it.

Other times, I find that something to do is actually a great distraction. My therapist asked me how I managed to finish my thesis this past summer when I was in the middle of my own personal hell of dealing with my kids, lots of flashbacks, memories resurfacing, a divorce and getting a restraining order. The thing was, that working on my thesis was a welcome respite. It WASN'T trauma. It was something positive I could throw myself into and it gave me something good to focus on. Some days I couldn't do it. Some days it was all I could do because I needed something to focus on. When I finished I was a little lost so I threw myself back into running.

I don't know if it would work for you but can you find a project or something meaningful to YOU that you could work on to distract your brain? There will be days you can't work on it but the days that you can be a welcome respite.

 

[WildMermaid]

@Nam shared some terrific advice! The only one I've not done so far on that list is meds but that is because my biological father was drug addicted and Schizophrenic so I have grave fear of many drugs. I think after going through life threatening situations that many of us have troubles some days with the more mundane aspects of life. Writing it down sometimes works, talking about with therapist or trusted loved one can be helpful, deep breathing and centering also are good tools to have. I wish you the very best, and please know we all have days like this sometimes, and you're not alone. :hug:

 

[Kintsugi]

I can absolutely sympathize with this. I connect with vets on this; they are typically closer to their traumatic era--if you will--and feel the pressures of daily "civilian" life very clearly, it seems. Every once in awhile, I think about my life. I think to myself, all of these things actually happened to me. Sometimes I think my brain likes to tell me they happened to someone else, someone close to me but not to me. When I face the enormity of my reality, I have to laugh. It's just too much sometimes.

Sort of a disjointed response, but all in all, I just want to say I hear you on this.

 

[Friday]

I get bored.

I have stopped my life before... Just gone & slept on the beach for a few weeks (literally; homeless, jobless, complete isolation)... And that gets boring. I did that off and on for several years before I decided, f*ck it, may as well make a real go at living. At the time, I circled. Would work for awhile, party for awhile, be homeless for awhile & surf for awhile, // work for awhile, party for awhile, be homeless for awhile & surf for awhile // rinse lather repeat.

The longest I was able to simply tune out the world and not be bored was about 6 months. That's my hard limit. Usually I get bored much earlier, around 6 weeks. That's part of what has kept me "in" my life over the past 10 years, even when I just want to run away. It's a stone bitch starting over from square 1 (no job, no home, no anything). And if all I really need is an extended vacation? It's just throwing the baby out with the bathwater to nuke my life for a 6 week self pity jaunt. Come close, more than close, a few times though. If I knew I could count on months? I'd probably have left long before. But a person can never really tell when their upper limit for boredom will kick in. At least, I can't.

 

[The Albatross]

For me it's regret... what I could have... should have been "if". It is too expensive and I can't go there. Because what happened, happened. I got dealt what I got dealt. Now how do I play the hand?

What has been helpful? Nixing the rumination and trying to attempt to focus on "Okay, what NOW?"

 

[Ronin]

I reward myself. Little and accessible things, little and accessible connections, de-stucking myself for the next few days and that interval gets longer with repetition.

That said... I still need people to make sure my idea of what 'reward' is is right. Things I consider good for me have 50/50 chance of being good for me, or they're good only in one aspect and worsening me in others, so consulting the idea with people is kind of a necessity.