Why Can't Some Of Us Talk On The Forum?

[Notsowild]

Wow I can't believe what I started here.
@Solara... I find you so brilliant. You are so full of wisdom and knowledge. I find your bluntness refreshing. I never think you ever try to hurt anyone intentionally. I always love reading your posts.

 

[joeylittle]

@Notsowild, you're not going to like what I'm about to post - but I'm posting it because I honestly believe you are self-sabotaging here. Maybe seeing it laid out will help you understand that the person judging you the most, is you.

I've done a pretty thorough search of the whole "pity party" and "suck it up" stuff as it applies to your posts on this forum. @anthony was the only person who brought it up - and in the context of the bit I quoted earlier, it's honestly not aggressive. He acknowledges that everyone does it now and then.

Everything after that is you posting that you know you'll be told you are having a pity party.

I know I've heard it - pity party. Why do I post?

Please no "pity party" responses.

What did I do to deserve all this? Not a pity party just want to know how people deal with this.

Not even sure why I'm writing this because all I'll hear is... Pity party! Feeling sorry for yourself Boo hoo. Suck it up!

But am I not allowed to have bad days. Always saying its a "pity party" ( which [DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/1/"]@anthony[/DLMURL] coined) makes me feel like I should never come on here when I'm down.

[DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/22986/"]@Notsowild[/DLMURL], oh dear, I used to term "pity party" as I thought that's how you were referring to your own posts. Sorry! And yes, of course you are allowed to have bad days!

There is a real pattern of cutting yourself down here, and I think it happens when you are really low - because it's not the way you relate to others all the time. You've taken a one-time comment and turned it into an identity. In some of these threads, people really engage to disagree with you about the whole "pity party" thing.

I'm not trying to attack you. I can do this exact thing you are doing - blow something up into a big old cognitive distortion and believe in it like it's the absolute truth. They are wicked, those distortions. I hope that next time you go to describe yourself as having a "pity party" you notice instead of automatically judging yourself like that. It's a kind of self-harm, in it's own way.

It's hard for me to watch someone hurting themselves like this, and that's why I'm writing.

 

[scout86]

The ones on here who have no empathy are either not suffering PTSD, or perhaps they are in denial and hearing how your feeling is making them think about their own fears and traumas.

Or, maybe they just have a different take on what's "helpful".

In the time I've been on this forum, I've rarely seen anything that I interpreted as "mean" and aimed at being deliberately hurtful. I've seen some stuff that was pretty blunt, some stuff that sounded a bit harsh, some stuff that I thought maybe could have been left unsaid, but to me, the intent seems to be to try to help. And I think the moderators do a pretty good job. In my way of looking at things, I don't think it's "helpful" to pretend someone is "right" when you don't think they are and they asked for opinions. I might do that with someone I DIDN'T care about, but I think it would be kind of mean.

Now, to disclose my own biases, I come here partly because I've never been anywhere where I come this close TO feeling like I fit in and that's kind of cool. And, As someone else said, I know that I sometimes have kind of a skewed perspective on things and this is a place where I can get diverse views, lots of different insights, and I've come to think I can believe people because most of them WON'T just tell me what they think I want to hear and they have no particular reason to lie. It's been a huge asset. But, another bias, nothing pisses me off faster than to be offered pity. I've never found it useful and I find the idea that someone might think I need it insulting. That's just me, mind you, I'm not saying everyone needs to feel the same way. Do I want sympathy sometimes? You beat! And, I've made a few very good and valued friends on here and if I want sympathy that's where I'll look for it. If I want opinions, then I'll look for it on the general forum. (I've actually never tried chat.)

so it's got to be me. They can't all be wrong.

You know, I think it's smart and brave to consider that. But sometimes "everyone else" IS wrong.

My T is big on wording things carefully because words have power. When we carelessly throw words like "always" and "never" around, we often come to believe it. Every time I say I "can't" do something (which isn't often because I hate that word) my T comes back with "Yet. You can't do it yet." As silly and superficial as it might sound, I think attention to those kinds of details is very important in the healing process. And I think it's helpful when someone points it out to me.

Now, there are a lot of different ways of looking at things and I believe in the value of diverse view points, ESPECIALLY the ones that are different than my own. If someone wants to explain the value of "pity", I'm ready and willing to learn.

@Notsowild , I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I think you ought to feel as welcome here as anyone else.

 

[Cool Cat]

@coolcat,
Chat is chat.....I can't tell you how many times I've seen people come in, post very little and then throw a fit because they are being ignored. Nobody is required to chat with you.

Yeah I guess that's a fair point. I have used chat for serious chats and fun chats over the time I've been a member and I guess people go onto it for different reasons. So I do understand the perspective of someone who goes onto chat just for fun being a bit miffed by a panicky post like mine.

 

[Notsowild]

@joeylittle... Please do not repost my posts. Are you trying to embarrass me or just make me feel stupid. I'll read the rest of your posts because I'm sure you have some good advice. I'll get back to you.

Oh btw I think @anthony is a great wise person. If it was not for him and this forum I seriously believe I would not be alive today. So I'll say my thanks to him and Nicolette. I meant no disrespect to you or this great forum.

 

[joeylittle]

Are you trying to embarrass me or just make me feel stupid.

No, I was trying to help. I think you took that one comment of anthony's on-board, and have been using it to beat yourself up. It's hard to watch you do that to yourself, because I recognize how harshly you are judging yourself. I do that too. I'll go through and edit out as much superfluous content as I can.

I also don't want people walking away from this thread thinking that you were repeatedly accused by other users of having a pity party. You were the person doing that to yourself - not anyone else.

 

[Notsowild]

@FridayJones... I never meant this post to cause a rift between all of us. I LOVE your posts. You write with such eloquence and knowledge. I never said I hated anyone on this forum. I'm really sorry now I even posted this.

 

[illusionist]

Thank you Scout on picking me up on that....what I should have said, in my case, it has been my fault, most of the time....I can look back and see where I've failed. No disrespect meant towards Notsowild.

 

[risingsun]

I find no empathy or compassion sometimes.

I am very sorry notsowild that you feel this sometimes. Its sad because we are all battling against PTSD and are on the journey toward healing. I find myself more open and compassionate because I know what its like to suffer and suffer immensely. So it is sad that you've encountered lack of empathy and compassion. I guess there are those who have suffered and have closed themselves off instead of seizing the opportunity that suffering has given us: understanding, empathy, to be open to all people, to shine a light in someones darkened room and to reach out to other sufferers no matter what their suffering stems from.

PTSD opens your eyes to many things and what you chose to learn from this experience differs for many people I suppose. I would ignore the "get over it" comments and know that you are doing the best you can and that you are on your upward journey toward healing. Don't let anyone's lack of care or concern get in the way of that. My thoughts are with you. Warmest to you :hug:

 

[risingsun]

I'm really sorry now I even posted this.

Don't be. You expressed how you felt and that is what the forum is for. You caused no rift. You shined a light on an important issue that should be addressed and sometimes these topics need to be addressed so that people can be a bit self-reflective, have more empathy and remember to be compassionate. :hug: to you notsowild.

 

[shimmerz]

I'm really sorry now I even posted this.

Notsowild, I think it is really important here to remember that we are all debating here to get to something that helps and that builds awareness and trust. Nobody is condemning you. Nobody will think badly of you. Nobody is mad at you or thinks you are .....(all bad words here) for having posted. We are proud of you for saying anything you need to say. Disagreement and differing points of view on a topic is something to be respected. It helps us to grow.

 

[illusionist]

Well I have learned a lesson tonight....thanks to you Notsowild.Big hug!