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Still can't work - having a hard time talking about it with pdoc/t - considering disability - help

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It's embarrassing to need to have a list for needing to get ONE OR TWO f*cking items at a store. ONE OR TWO!!! Like DAMN!

I do this. I also have my 10 yr old repeat the next street while I'm driving to someplace new over and over until I turn. "Turn right on Oak street after 2 miles. Turn right on Oak street after 2 miles. Turn right on Oak street after 2 miles" ---- for the entire 2 miles. Then I turn, and I say, OK, I just turned right on oak street, what's next? And she repeats the next step over and over and over. Because if she just says it a few times, I forget and have to ask her to repeat it again. And if I don't keep asking, I'll miss the turn.
In other words - this is not just you.
 
I don't even know what to say
I tell people I retired. If they push I tell them I'm independently wealthy because I made some good stock choices. That's all they need to know!

The disability thing sucks...but from what I understand social security will work with you on retraining and/or going to school so that is something you can look forward to once you get stabilized. My brother the whackadoodle goes on and off it on a pretty routine schedule, and each time he goes on they offer him some kind of retraining. .

So yes - there is hope out there for you to get stabilized and still have a life. :hug:
 
But...wait I do this too except its a little portable gps device I bought bc I can no longer read and retain map directions in my head as I once did. Is this ptsd or just getting older and out of practice?

I think it might be a PTSD thing because prior to PTSD, I was still really good at memorizing directions and knowing where I am while going around. Now? After 'activating' PTSD (gonna call it activation due to my decades of trauma) - I suck at it.

If it's an old place, that I used to go to, or roads I'd drive a whoooole lot, I still know the way. I still can just think of my destination and drive there - like, any major grocery store -with relatively unchanged roads for the past 5-10 years!-.

But anywhere new? Any traffic pattern changes? Even if it's on those same roads I'm used to, I still f*ck up. I need to use my phone's GPS voice announcing thing - that's the first time I've used it in my life... the other week... going to a place that -should- be extremely familiar territory >.<

f*ckin' bullshit. For me, PTSD just completely f*cks my memory up most of the time. I imagine others have various levels of experiences with that sorta thing. But thanks to technology we have -some- help with it. Lmao. At least in regards to road directions.

It feels like using a crutch to me. Big time.

Why though? Lots of people use it who don't have a single mental illness.

However - I, my whole life, since GPS became a -thing- that normal people could use - I refused to use it, aside from looking at maps, without even having routes mapped out. Just to see the final destination - rather than which route to take there.

I do that because if you use GPS all the time, -as a non-disabled-person- who is fully normal/capable - your brain doesn't store location info because your brain is smart and efficient - it knows "oh... I can just use GPS - therefore storing location and direction info is uselss and irrelevant."

Or.... "I can just google it - I don't need to remember anything, it's all on google"

That's a thing. It's both great because resources like GPS and google/search-engines exist... but it's bad in that unless you've got something forcing you to need those things, like PTSD or memory problems of some kind - it causes your brain to go "hey... we can just use google and GPS instead of remembering things"

But now I use GPS any time I'm going somewhere new. I have to, or I am aimlessly wandering for ages.

Shit, I get lost walking around in my own neighborhood. :/

I tell people I retired. If they push I tell them I'm independently wealthy because I made some good stock choices. That's all they need to know!

Hahaha, that would be funny to tell people at my age. 29 and retired, or independently wealthy.

Ugh.

I need to fill that damn capableness (i dont know what to call it lol) paperwork out still too :/

I'm going to write the answers out in a word document, then boil them down to 1 or 2 sentences :/ haha

from what I understand social security will work with you on retraining and/or going to school so that is something you can look forward to once you get stabilized.

That's good to hear. I do want to go back to school eventually, when I can.

I don't think I possibly could right now :/ but it's something to work towards.
 
I think it might be a PTSD thing because prior to PTSD, I was still really good at memorizing directions and knowing where I am while going around. Now? After 'activating' PTSD (gonna call it activation due to my decades of trauma) - I suck at it.

Yeah I think it is ptsd bc I used to sort of think oh that's North/South etc of here and just go. When I started working in new areas I would study the maps for a while and then all good.... Now ugh I'm totally lost.


If there was some kind of total electronic black-out people like me just would not survive anymore... lol...:wtf:
 
I think it might be a PTSD thing because prior to PTSD, I was still really good at memorizing directions and knowing where I am while going around. Now? After 'activating' PTSD (gonna call it activation due to my decades of trauma) - I suck at it.
I had to go someplace new today, got there OK with the directions I had written down, and then thought I could remember the way back. Instead I drove around for half an hour trying to figure out where I was, eventually ended up back where I started and had to go mile by mile to retrace my steps. Ugh.
 
I got a lawyer right from the beginning. She helps her clients fill out that form, but not all of them do. I took some notes about her tips because it seemed like something that someone else would find useful eventually. Honesty was the main thing that she stressed. You don't want to make things up, but you also want to be honest with yourself about what your limitations are.

The big thing she kept stressing was that it was important to keep a copy for yourself. If you are denied, it can be helpful when you appeal to have this information so that you can be consistent when you're answering questions later. I'm someone that gets nervous meeting new doctors, and they can decide that they want you assessed by a different doctor. If you have something to review, you might be less worried that you'll say the wrong thing.

One thing that helped me was to think about how the way I do things has changed from before or to think about what you're like on your worst day or when your symptoms are more severe. It helped me think about the aspects of my life that only changed in smaller ways. She also suggested thinking about what things would be like if you were trying to work a full-time job right now. An example from when I was filling out the forms was getting dressed. Getting dressed isn't much of an issue in my day to day life. If things are severe, exposed skin can increase my urge to self-harm. If I were to be working full-time, I wouldn't be staying in my pajamas most days so getting dressed would be more of an issue.

When you answer questions, you want to keep in mind how your answers might be interpreted as you being able to work a related job. If you take care of a child or pets, you don't want them thinking you can open a daycare or be a dog walker. Finances are another tricky section. On the one hand, you don't want them to take that information and use it to argue that you can work some kind of job. On the other hand, they do have the ability to decide that you need someone to manage your finances for you. "Luckily" for me, I am not opposed to that idea. There's a representative payee at the place I go to for group therapy that I like and it definitely wouldn't hurt for me to have someone helping with my finances and teaching me some skills. If I didn't have someone in mind already, I'd be concerned about this because it can be very difficult to get them to change their mind.
 
The phone appointment is tomorrow. Kinda nervous about how it's gonna go.

All this disability stuff causes me a bunch of anxiety :(
Filling out the forms, turning them in, filling out more forms, turning them in, and the phone appointment tomorrow, and I'm sure more stuff after that. Ugh.

I wish I didn't need it so badly. I wish I could just work but f*ck... I can barely even go outside...
 
The phone appointment is tomorrow......I wish I didn't need it so badly. I wish I could just work but f*ck... I can barely even go outside...
Sweetleaf, if you broken both legs in a skiing accident, people would not begrudge you a wheelchair, even thought it was technically your fault. Here, it isn't your fault you got PTSD, so you are even more deserving. Humans contribute each according to their ability and each according to their need. To be honesty PTSD is a big cross to bear, you, we, should all get a medal, simply because we survived it. We could so easily have picked up a hard drug habbit, or be homeless (or maybe thats just me. lol). If it was up to me, 100% of my taxes would go to support those of us with PTSD and not a penny on Politicians expenses or Trumps wall, they are the ones that should feel bad - but they don't, so why should you ? Good luck, you do deserve it.
 
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