Still can't work - having a hard time talking about it with pdoc/t - considering disability - help

[Freida]

I agonized over the decision to apply for disability. I felt like a complete and total loser who just couldn't get her sh*t together and was sure the docs would tell me I just needed to get it together and get back to work. .But they didn't - and that surprised the crapola out of me. It's been 10 months now and I'm still considering it one of the best decision I've made in a long, long time. the downside? All my work is on me these days and that gets hard. Nothing to distract myself with -- I have to face my demons. Asking for the disability was a huge risk -- but it's paid off in a huge way. I know it's scary - but the worst they can do is say no. Please don't let that stop you from giving them a chance to say yes

 

[EveHarrington]

Considering that it can take years to get approved, it’s better to start the process sooner rather than later.

 

[New]

Start the process. I’ve said this on here before, but my company made me apply and I was not happy about it. I wanted to work so badly. I was approved and it was and is for the best.

This is a great time to start the process since it’s summer. Are you off during the summer?

Wishing you the best. I know this is so hard. We are here for you no matter what you decide.

Oh and I’m not sure where you live but if you are like me and trust no one... I wanted to tell you the lady I worked with at the social security office was so sweet. I cried every time I talked to her and would get so embarrassed but she was very patient and understanding. My company used a company called Allsup and you can find them online and they were awesome but if you would rather do it yourself I would suggest calling your local office and making an appointment and someone will help you.

 

[Nessa7]

I think that when you're starting with a new therapist is a good time to start the process. Your new t can start writing their notes with a disability application in mind.

Maybe you could print this out and bring it with you? It is really best to start as soon as you are able to. I don't think that based on what you have written here that your new t would not support you.

 

[SeedMan]

I think that when you're starting with a new therapist is a good time to start the process. Your new t...

If you're in the U.S.A., I recommend getting an attorney who specializes in Social Security Disability cases. I find they're well worth the commission they charge (in Oregon there's a cap on how much that commission is.). Also, finding a psychologist who will administer certain tests in order to diagnose PTSD really strengthens one's case. Finally, expect multiple denials of your case and be prepared to do multiple appeals. It took me 4 years from initial filing and 2 in-person hearings before a judge to get approved. (I recommend against video hearings as being in-person is far more effective at communicating with the judge. I've come to consider the therapy, legal stuff, paperwork, and self-care as my full-time employment. I wish you well in your journey. It is indeed a VERY difficult one, but it's okay that it's difficult.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Ugh holy shit I really hope I am not this f*cking symptomatic in 4 years >.<
It's been a little over 6 months since my trauma ended.
That would be so f*cked. My trauma was like ~3.5 years and I was spending time with my abuser for ~4 years or so. Yet I can't even scratch the surface right now in regards to really working on it >.<

I am not getting any better :grumpy::mad::banghead:
Really hope that changes soon.
Ugh if I can manage it, if I can make myself, I am going to try to talk with my pdoc a little about disability this thursday when I see her.
Also there are several options as far as legal help goes, around where I live. uuugh.

Really hoping my pdoc reacts well to me talking about it. I feel like such a f*cking loser even bringing it up. I feel like she's just gonna call me a lazy shit and dismiss it. Uuuugh. But I know she wouldn't be mean like that lmao. f*ck my brain.

 

[Freida]

I am not getting any better

oh pullese!!! I've seen how much better you are doing just here - talking to us! But I get it --it's hard to see you are improving when you are in the middle of it

I feel like such a f*cking loser even bringing it up. I feel like she's just gonna call me a lazy shit and dismiss it.

I felt exactly the same way when I went for mine. I was sure they would turn me down and tell me to stop my whining and get back to work. When they didn't -- when they were actually supportive? My brain couldn't figure it out for about 2 weeks. I kept thinking it was a mistake! But - it was also the best thing I could have done for myself. Getting that break from the stress of work let me put my focus where it needed to be -- on healing.

 

[Sweetleaf]

oh pullese!!! I've seen how much better you are doing just here - talking to us! But I get it --it's hard to see you are improving when you are in the middle of it

Yeah you are right. I have had improvements. I've had setbacks, but I've improved from that too. All I have to do is go back through my diary and see it.

I just feel like my panic and dissociative stuff has taken over my life and isn't letting up. :banghead::banghead::banghead:

Even that has improved though. There are times where I have been in 24/7 extreme panic mode. After I freed myself from my abuser, and after my old t read my abuser's communication to her to me. I still haven't recovered from that, but I've improved from when it was fresh.

 

[Nessa7]

I've come to consider the therapy, legal stuff, paperwork, and self-care as my full-time employment.

This is very accurate. I would also add calling people. Last week was actually an easier week for me because of the holiday, but I still had appointments three days. One of those appointments was hours long. I also spent two hours yesterday just trying to schedule one test for next week.

 

[SeedMan]

This is very accurate. I would also add calling people. Last week was actually an easier week for me b...

Glad to be of service. (Too bad we can't metaphorically bill for time spent on hold) Cheers!

 

[bhm]

Unfortunately I found going on disability almost as trumatic as psycological abuse, please make sure you get help in doing so, I was in a situation where I was put out on stress leave, had a total breakdown from exposure to incidents, dredging up past traumas I thought I had put behind me, It took almost a year for the insurance company to start paying my union leave benifits and wound up homeless. Then I got help from community resorces who expidited my qualification for person with disabilities benifits, and even then it took a few months to be processed, but they leant on the insurance company and finally put my claim through, but it was a year of being passed around to countless shrinks, psycologists, pshyco analysists, etc before they would sign off on me, I'm sorry you feel so horrible and I wish you luck, it's a long degrading process, do research on the formalities in your area and get as much help as you can

 

[Sweetleaf]

Lol, interesting this thread got bumped today.

Today I met with my pdoc and she recommended that I go on disability - I didn't even have to bring it up to her! What a f*cking relief. It's really reassuring to have her approach the subject with me in a way that it was like she was trying to convince me to go do it.

My "homework" this week is to get started on the disability paperwork.

It was disconcerting for me, though, to hear her talk about it as if I was going to need it for several years at the least though... Like, in a "holy f*ck am I really that f*cked up?" kind of way. Like a "I really want to keep acting like I'll be over everything in 6 months like I've been wanting to believe this whole time" kind of thing.

Ugh.

It was also slightly depressing that she said that I definitely fit all of the criteria for disability :( - she said that she didn't think I'd need a disability lawyer, which kinda makes me wanna go "wow I'm f*cked up!" It's hard to believe even though like... how can I f*cking deny the facts?

I'm both relieved and kinda just... I don't know. In disbelief that I'm f*cked up enough for this? Wanting to be in denial of the fact I can't just go back to normal life yet?

It's just... why? Like f*ck. I wish I had seen this coming, I wish I had realized, during my trauma, that it -was- trauma, and I wish I knew what the potential effects of trauma were. Feeling really like, self-blamey tonight - blaming myself for not removing myself from that horrible situation sooner. I feel like such a f*cking idiot.

It's kind of ironic that I've been trying to steel myself for telling her I want to try getting disability, and she went and brought the subject up herself, wanting me to go do it, saying I could easily get it - and now I'm like, feeling bad that things are that bad now? It's like my little glimmer of "I'll get over this soon enough, I'm not -that- f*cked up" is being snuffed out, and it's kind of hitting me that I'm actually sort of f*cked.

She did make me feel better saying that I started treatment early so I have better chances of recovery - but yeah... lots of trauma to work through. It was kind of sad to have the phrase "a few years" dropped, referring to when I might be able to start working again, probably a more realistic amount of time than what I've been hoping - and she's very realistic so, her saying that to me is like... shit... I want to say "no f*cking way" but I know that she's not f*cking around. She's also been at this for a while and has seen many other patients. I can't be the first person she had that conversation with.

I guess now I have to work up the drive to go google what documents I need.

Also I want to add:

F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK!!!!!!!!!!