What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[FightingLily]

This was written in sarcasm.

Ever had a comment made by a family member/ friend/ coworker/ stranger that was just counterproductive/unrealistic/unsupportive? I'm sure you have, as we all have experienced our families' and friend's unrealistic expectations and views on PTSD. In the last 5 years I've heard these comments from my family members:

1. Don't cry, it's over. :naughty:
The hell it is.... and what you mean don't cry? It's my party, and you got yourself uninvited, thank you very much.

2. Why do that to yourself? Stop thinking about it. :naughty:
I didn't do anything to myself. I did not chose this. Genius, I'm telling you!

3. You are seeking attention....:naughty:
I'm what? Get out and don't come back!!

I know I wrote this in a humorous way, but the idea here is to; get it off your chest, to give our family and friends a clue in educating themselves, and hopefully brighten your day. :Hug_emoticon:

 

[Lucky Laser]

1. "Just get over it!"
Ohhh, that one really gets to me for so many reasons.

2. "You're just dwelling in the past!"
Its not like I CHOSE to have nightmares, intrusive thoughts, etc. Believe me if I could stop thinking about it I would!

3. "You're blowing it out of proportion."
Who gave anyone else the right to determine what is a big deal to ME? If you take a crayon from a kid and the kid cries is it blowing it out of proportion? Huh? Its just a crayon! But at that point in the kid's life its important! Likewise, something that someone else doesn't understand might bother ME a lot!

 

[Deleted member 541]

1) What are you depressed about NOW?????

Like it's been any different for the past 40 years.....

2) Just do something....

Ok asshole as soon as I can drag myself out of the pits of despair and can pull my head out of my ass I will.

 

[LawDog]

I have had PTSD for over 5 years, but only last year finally sought treatment for it. I really didn't know what it was, PTSD that is. I only knew I was suffering from it's symptoms. At the behest of family and friends, finally found someone who I felt it "safe" enough to talk to. After one two hour session, she told me I have PTSD. Big surprise! lol..

But looking back, I have had the absolute worst advice and it's because people just don't understand it and the whole "stigma" associated with it. It was that very reason that I suffered in silence. The only people who knew was my Wife, I even kept it from my son. But even now, when I talk to some of my friends, they have no idea what the heck they are talking about. This is because I was a law enforcement officer since 1995 and cops, just like people in the military never admit the things they see might bother them. It's the whole type A, ego and pride thing. So instead of getting support, when you tell a coworker,brother officer that something is or has been bothering you, your usually met with either severe "ball breaking" or the "dark humor" which is thier way of avoiding it.

Oh how wrong I was, because I used to be just like them. If they only knew how hard that makes it for you when the time comes when those demons actually break through and get to you. Only then will they ever really "get it".

I don't want to be preaching here or force my faith on anyone, but like Jesus said on the cross, "Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they do!"...

 

[TLight]

People, even therapists, sometimes just don't get it.
the trauma has changed our brains....i can feel it everyday.........

another good one; "At some point, you just have to put it in a container and close the lid."
I'm dating a man, part time therapist, part time woodworker/artist..........He is normally being extremely sensitive due to my history, sexually and with how he is building trust wth me...............Boy, I ran after the 2nd date, but then decided to give it another try, because he seems like a good man..........but i'm a little scared. Seeing my T today to talk about it.
Any advice? On the one hand, it's comforting to have someone with me who 'gets it' due to his education, on the other hand..........I don't think anyone could get this lifetime of trauma and reabuse I've lived and what it's done to my brain and body. I want to risk again, but I sure don't want to hear any of these remarks anymore...........they really hurt.

 

[TLight]

Dwelling in the past...........that one really gets me..........

 

[linasmom]

The hell it is.... and what you mean don't cry? It's my party, and you got yourself uninvited, thank you very much.

:rofl:I'm SO using that one day.

 

[linasmom]

Oh and I've also gotten the

just do something statements when it comes to depressive episodes. I'm amazed that some people think it's that easy... like if given a choice between utter despair and "doing something" we somehow choose "utter despair", for reasons I"ll never know but I'm sure someone who has never suffered a depressive episode sure will know the reason.

 

[Acer]

how about 'why are you angry?'
this one is always confusing because I don't feel angry. I guess the answer would be 'because I have been screwed'

and 'you are an angry person, you should just let it go'
I guess if I could let it go, it would be gone and I'd be only happy smiley like you! (snark)

 

[becvan]

My big favs are,

"Just say the serenity prayer!"

If prayer alone would fix it, I'd be a bloody saint by now! The stupidity of some people sometimes!

"Your making mountains out of mole hills"

Really, well they sure look like mountains to me currently! Glad to know that what stresses you out is only a mole hill. So the next time you come crying to me, I'll make sure I remind you of this one!

bec

 

[nic]

Well, these were said before I had PTSD, but they were about the trauma.

1. "I can't believe that would happen in ______.
(What, are some towns immune to certain shit?)

2. "You should have taken a self-defense course."
(I had taken one...actually three...sorry, didn't work for me)

3. "But how could he rape you if he had no weapon?"
(Um...quick physics lesson: I was 85 lbs. and he was 220. Any questions?)

4. "Was there any part of it that you liked?"
(Hmm...what was better, having my head slam against a wall or not being able to walk afterwards? Eanie meanie minie mo...)

5. "But you were a cheerleader; you kind of have to figure something would happen when you wear those little uniforms."
(Right...okay...please hold my pon-poms while I go get raped. Thanks.)

Oh, there are so many more. It amazes me the shit people will think and say.

 

[Marlene]

Nic...I agree with you. Stupidity tends to run rampant. Especially when people think they HAVE to say something.

Personal favs:

'If you just concentrate on happy thoughts that would help you get through this.'
Sure...while curled up in a ball on the floor rocking back and forth and crying uncontrollably happy thoughts were first on my list! *rolling eyes*

'I just can't deal with what you're going through.'
Gee...if you think it's tough on your end, don't even bother coming over to mine!

'When the PTSD is out of your life I can be your friend again.'
See ya!

And my personal, all-time favorite:

'Just snap out of it. I've had bad things happen in my life and you don't see me giving in to it.'
Go **** yourself!

Lisa