Self Care, Why Is It So Hard

[holdenmonty]

So I noticed this morning contemplating on skipping a book club thing this Wednesday mainly because I have only read about half of the book. I skipped last months but that's because I didn't read any of the book. I really enjoy the book club and other things that I have done in the past as part of my self care but ever since last month started I feel like my self care has gone out the window. It's tough for me to want to take care of myself. I feel kind of gross for saying this but I haven't been brushing my teeth everyday. I also haven't been focusing on eating better and have gotten to the point that as long as I'm eating something then I'm proud of myself. I was doing so good in the month of January but it's like February hit and stuff got busy and my self care went out the window. It's one of the things that I have noticed frustrates me because I know I should be doing more self care stuff because if I don't take care of myself then how can I effectively take care of those that I love but I just tend to find others and other things more important then taking care of myself. Does anybody else struggle so much with self care even though they know they should do more self care things?

 

[shimmerz]

I just tend to find others and other things more important then taking care of myself.

lol. Oh yeahhhhhhh..... Seriously lost on this whole 'me, me me' thing. No wonder I paired up so well (for a while) with narcissists. :blackeye::sorry:

 

[Eleanor]

I struggle ALOT. If you look up Childhood emotional neglect... Jonice Webb... it was a revelation to me.

 

[Spiderallis]

For me, a decrease in self-care usually goes along with an increase in depression. It's rough, but I made a list of bare minimums that I am required to do so that I can be an adult human. Just pick a few simple things and do whatever it takes to coax yourself into doing them. If you want to eat spoonfuls of frosting right after brushing your teeth, you still brushed your teeth so go for it! At some point I did the math to determine that two big spoonfuls of pre-made cake icing has as many calories as a meal, because that was dinner.

Don't laugh, but I think I might do better on caring for my home environment if I make a chore-chart. Rewards and little things like that work well for me. Would you feel silly making a self-care checklist? It might help to remind you to take a moment and tend to your own needs.

 

[Eleanor]

I don't mean to be short at all, and if you do a quick search (in the box above and uncheck the box that says "in this forum") on "Self care" you will see how VERY Not Alone in this struggle you are. Fortunately/unfortunately.

 

[holdenmonty]

@Spiderallis that is a good idea. My therapist has "prescribed" me what she calls wellness walks where I have to take 10 minutes to myself twice a day to just be by myself and not focus on everything/anybody else. I have been skipping them but really need to start doing them again. I like the checklist idea.

 

[ihateusernames]

Boy do I understand. When I actually go through the motions to do things for myself I try to rush through them. It actually makes me uncomfortable. Lack of practice, I guess.

 

[shimmerz]

wellness walks

I so need to do this.
I really like your word 'coax' @Spiderallis

 

[Ed Norton]

I also completely understand, I used to shower twice a day now only during the week when I have to be in public. My room looks like Yucca Flats after the Blast. It's definitely sounds like depression. My psychologist also says that you have to go through the motions he gave it a fancy name behavioral something, but he said that you're brain will eventually adapt...it's kinda like faking it till you make it.

Be well

 

[Eleanor]

Wellness walks. Sigh. I even have dogs who would Be The Most Happy Ever In their Lives if ONLY I would take one of them for a walk. (They are too big to take all at once - they outweigh me significantly all together.) Maybe today. ... ?

If there are a few of us maybe we could start a "self care challenge" like the happiness challenge, only with a bit of a different focus, or maybe just additional focus since the Happiness one includes exercise. It helps to know others are working with you on the same things.

 

[shimmerz]

self care challenge

I would be into that Eleanor. Nice to see you around btw. I missed you. :-)

Who better than you to post that? What do you think? That is 3 of us for a walk today. *heavy sigh*

 

[Friday]

I don't need to be taken care of. I'm fine. ;)

Honestly, this is exactly why routines are so important to me. So when my brain does a runner my body is still going through the motions, doing the things that need doing, which also helps to shorten my mind's extended vacation down even to just moments, instead of months.

This is part of what I call my safety net system. So when I start to slip? One of the nets usually catches me and bounces me back up to functional before I f*ck things up too badly. I set them up my forts pass through on accident. I'm working my ass off trying to set them up again, now, on purpose. Pain in the ass, that! Yeesh.

Every time something major shifts in my life I have to rework some of those routines, so I've also learned to have some layers of them, yeah? Things that don't just depend on a person, place, etc. So that once those things change? I've still got other routines bearing up the weight from the stress of other routines going all to hell. (Good or bad stress. Good stress is easier to ignore, but needs as many work arounds, vexing as that is).