Broken

[Melp283]

I've never considered myself broken. More like a mended bone that's now stronger.

I bring this up because lately there is a coworker/sometimes friend who likes to label me as such. I don't like it and I find it somewhat offensive.
She is aware of the medications I am taking and has a vague idea of my past traumas.
She is a very explosive person with multiple issues of her own.

I, being the non confrontational person that I am, wonder whether or not it is even worth the shit storm/bullying that would accompany me confronting her about it. Anyone know have an idea on how to go about this?

 

[Suzetig]

Hmmm I'm not much for confrontation either but this would annoy the hell out of me. Something that's worked in the past is when I've asked for an explanation, so when your coworker makes reference to you being "broken", I'd ask what she meant. If she then said it was because I was on meds, or because I'd experience mental health issues etc I'd ask her what she meant by that. Basically keep asking her to explain what she means and why, following up with something like "it's interesting that's how you see me, it's not how I see myself".

Or you could tell her to mind her own business and stop labelling you.

 

[Larksong]

This might be helpful:

If you feel comfortable and supported doing it, you could ask your supervisor or HR person to mediate between you so that neither of your work suffers as a result of the negativity going on. Just don't rise to the bait and start engaging emotionally with someone like that, which will only drag you down to the same level. This person obviously has their own issues. You could calmly say, "I want to keep us both focused on work, so I can't get into personal discussions with you, they're not helpful for either of us. So please don't initiate personal conversations with me." As long as you keep your cool, you win.

 

[Melp283]

Thank you both :hug:
I think I'm gonna try the next time she says it.

 

[anonymous]

I don't think she's an anytime friend!

Calling you broken? Unacceptable.

Fortunately you can heal your ptsd. There is no cure for stupidity.

 

[Neverthesame]

Seriously? The hell?

Does she sniff markers or glue or something? Did she try to use a vacuum cleaner to clean her ears and sucked her brain out?
Does her head make a rattling sound when she nods?
Did her parents have the same last name before they were married?

Is there some place near her desk where you could hide something like an open container of milk or a piece of fish, where she will never find it? Then leave it there for a couple of months?

 

[shimmerz]

Sounds like she is trying to reel you in. Pathetic.

Quick story. I am okay with people poking at me, but do it to my friends while I am around? You don't want to be involved. lol. People just don't see it coming. They already have me pegged as a sweet lady. Which I am, until you f around with my friends. lol.

I get a ton of comments on how soft my eyes are. People who know me tell me that it sends ice through their veins when I am pissed off. I only get pissed off when people screw with my peeps. My eyes do 'something' I have been told. I don't know what. Attitude? I turn into a totally different person. Fast.

Anyways, at a bbq a few summers ago, with a friend. These people are his friends and I go with him because he has debilitating social anxiety. Some bitchy chick, who has been drinking, is sitting beside me and is being completely obnoxiously. She has been poking at me but I don't care. Then she makes the fatal mistake. She says to me 'Well clearly you have issues if you are hanging out with 'friend''. I went from smiley, polite to a she-wolf instantly.

Anyways, my eyes changed. I didn't do it on purpose, it just happens. I could see it shook her up. I waited for her to take another sip of her beer and snarled, 'and you don't? Can I get you another couple of beers?' lol. She started choking, I continued to glare at her. She looked down and waited for a moment and said, 'well yes, I guess I do'. I close the conversation with 'Say one more thing about my friend ... do it. Seriously. It will be fun'. (No idea how I would have followed through on that because I have never been called out on it). I noticed everyone at the table staring at us in total silence, including my friend. She was really quiet the whole rest of the day while I giggled the night away.

Wish I could do that shit for myself. *heavy sigh*

I wonder if somewhere along the line you could make usage of the word broken (or an equally offensive word) as it relates to her. Bide your time and wait for the perfect moment. Hit her out of left field. She thinks she already has you pegged. She sure won't expect it. Rinse, repeat as necessary until she stops.

 

[DharmaGirl]

@Larksong, I love the video! I wrote it down so I can remember to use those phrases. Thank you.

 

[shimmerz]

I hadn't watched the video when I posted. I retract my post above and say video technique is much better. Longer term solution for 'communication problems' Thanks @Larksong. Really useful video.

 

[The Albatross]

@Larksong that would be good in media! Enjoyed that thanks for sharing.

 

[Larksong]

The thing about the video is that saying "That's interesting...why would you say that?" does several useful things for you: disorients your opponent because they don't see that coming, forces them to actually look at their own motivations, puts them on the spot for an answer and takes that burden off you, and shows that you refuse to engage with them on an emotional level. Here is something I really believe, based on a lot of work in interpersonal/people-oriented jobs: People will try to get you to engage with them emotionally in order to feed all kinds of negative needs they carry around within themselves. The moment they ask a hurtful personal question or hand you a hateful remark, you stand at a crossroads. In that moment, you still have a choice about how you'll respond.

It's human nature to want to defend yourself by "hitting" back, giving the person as good as they've given you, or (for some of us) retreating into silence and hurt feelings. The problem with answering back in the same way, or getting defensive, is that it doesn't work in the long-term. It turns an insult from a clueless or mean-spirited person into an arms race. It completely wastes your time and leaves you, and the other person, no better off than before. What's worse: By descending to their low level, it gives them real power over you. You've allowed your emotional state to be dependent on their behavior. Every in-kind response of yours actually builds another interpersonal tie between the two of you. And if you retreat into silence because you allow them to scare you, it just breeds resentment--against yourself!

Saying something like "That's interesting...why would you ask that?" in a neutral way places you above the emotional charge of the situation, and in that way gives you more control. As long as you stay cool and refuse to "feed" the trollish interpersonal behavior of the other person, guess what? No matter what that person has said or done: You win! :)

 

[heidi]

I wonder if this is a religious term.