Finding Your Essence

[The Albatross]

I guess I think essence can be redefined. If I'm wrong, what of it? (my longer term strategy)

 

[Born to Run]

It didn't matter to me... I figured I was a blank slate and just picked another one (essence).

Would you mind elaborating your post, as I do not exactly understand what you mean? I know what a blank slate is, so that is not the problem. I am interested in what you meant. Thanks.

 

[SeaQuel]

@The Albatross I am impressed you were able to leave the grieving behind. That is something that I don't know I can or want to do.

 

[The Albatross]

I don't know where/when my trauma started ... somewhere after 1 1/2 years old... but before 5 or 6. If I subscribe to the essence idea, then I would likely live an entire lifetime with out being able to retrieve something that was very short lived. So... I chose a blank canvas... and decided to become the person I want to be right now instead. Character development, self parenting, coping skills, studying independently, therapy, mentors, life coaches... all to bring myself up to speed or at least near maturation with my own core values (which I identified in my mid 40's and again as I hit my 50's).

I can do/be/choose whatever "essence" I want. I call it "Post traumatic growth".

 

[The Albatross]

Hindsight may be 20/20 (though not likely for someone as young as I was), but if you're looking back you can't see what is right in front of you, let alone opportunities.

 

[The Albatross]

Trauma does not change our true essence, it does cause people to develop a false self to survive the situation, as your true essence is ...

I found it a more "generally beneficial core belief" that trauma resolution didn't matter to what my "essence" was. My trauma history had a very low probability of ever being "resolved"... so how awful would it be to live a life thinking that "if only my trauma had been resolved, I could be my true self or an authentic person?"

 

[SeaQuel]

I guess I relate what you're referring to as a process that everyone (to include those without PTSD) goes through to a certain extent. Our beings are constantly evolving based on the sum total of our experiences, and we're never the same one day to the next. We learn and grow and live our lives accordingly.

To me, though, the essence of our souls is still there, and we just have to find it, we have to let it come out and show us who we are in our natural unencumbered state. I think this, too, applies to those without PTSD, but it's probably more difficult for those who have experienced major traumas in their lives.

 

[The Albatross]

If we are here trauma or not... the essence of our soul is still there. Fractured perhaps but it is still in tact.

 

[Born to Run]

My trauma history had a very low probability of ever being "resolved"... so how awful would it be to live a life thinking that "if only my trauma had been resolved, I could be my true self or an authentic person?"

Yes, I get your thinking, that would indeed be awful. In such a case, you need to take a different road. I find it sad to hear that your trauma had a very low probability of ever being resolved. I thought that it was possible to resolve almost any trauma, with the right treatment, therapist etc. as even the most severe DID or MPD persons can become integrated. My borderline mother has no sense of self at all, but I know from my therapist that with the right treatment BPD persons are able to find their inner self.

 

[The Albatross]

I am re-integrated, I just do not know if my "essence" now is the one I started out with. It is though authentic.

 

[Born to Run]

Does re-integrated not equal resolved for you?

 

[The Albatross]

Too soon to tell.