The Day I Realized Ptsd Was A Life Long Condition?

[OneWing]

If it can be "fixed" then you don't have PTSD. The D stands for "Disorder". You can believe what you want, but the reality is what it is. As we know, the symptoms vary from time to time and from person to person.
You may be able to overcome some of the symptoms through therapy or manage them with medicine. But genuine PTSD is there for life. It is always something you will have to deal with. It is a burden to carry.
For me, accepting that fact has helped me to better manage my PTSD. I no longer get depressed when my symptoms aren't going away. Symptoms go away for people who do not have PTSD. I focus more on managing myself and my hope is to one day be able to have at least some of my old life back.

 

[Born to Run]

If it can be "fixed" then you don't have PTSD. The D stands for "Disorder".

I disagree with you. First the term disorder does not mean it is not possible to heal from it. Think of Eating Disorder for example, it is possible to heal from this. Second, I don't believe healing from ptsd is a fix, it takes a hell of a lot of work. Third, you can have ptsd and heal from it. Prior to ptsd -developmental- diagnosis, I have done 20+ years of therapy for depression, and all these therapies were talk therapies only. From the moment I started doing trauma therapy and working with the body, and ego states -the fragmented parts you split off as a child- this completely turned around my view of therapy. Having studied clinical psychology myself -never worked as such- I have always been blinded by the ideas of Freud and psychoanalysis and I was so convinced that you can heal everything from these principles by talking about them. I was so wrong, as psychoanalytic therapy can only go with what you remember. Now from my childhood I didn't remember shit, so the early years were totally inaccessible, and the last psychoanalytic therapy of 13 years provided me with a solid adult state, but still stuck in the fragmented early child states. Basically, still living a life in a prison.
Coming back to the body, it is obvious with the amount of books out there (The Body remembers, The Body bears the burden, The Body keeps the score, In an Unspoken Voice, The Polyvagal Theory, Sensorimotor therapy etc.) that the body and trauma are inseparable. By using the body in therapy you have the option to access what is stored in your body, subconscious, stuff you don't remember, and have access to the reptilian brain with its fight/flight/freeze survival responses. By releasing all that is stuck in the body, makes it possible to recalibrate your autonomic nervous system. This needs to be done in a safe environment with a therapist you have formed a bond with. It is the Polyvagal theory by Porges, that is essentially the basis of somatic experiencing by Levine. It is a combination of safe attachment and going through the overwhelming stuff from the past that is healing. This is much better described by Peter Levine on his website or in his books. That is why I believe him, when he says "Trauma is part of life, but it does not need to be a life sentence."
I am almost through with the trauma processing and integration, and I am starting to feel to no longer live in a prison. I believe it can be done with the right methods.

 

[Tinyflame]

For me, accepting that fact has helped me to better manage my PTSD. I no longer get depressed when my symptoms aren't going away. Symptoms go away for people who do not have PTSD. I focus more on managing myself and my hope is to one day be able to have at least some of my old life back.

This thought is starting to help me more too. I am realizing past reactions (repeated similar choices or reactions I really didn't feel I had any other choice or desire to make) weren't always due to just external circumstances ('bad timing') but also my internal environment which remained consistent (in a not-accepting ptsd kind of way- you know, "try harder" or ignore it). Except that although I want qualities of myself back or energy I do not want my old life back.

I, for one, had high baseline anxiety as a kid. But I was very aware of much going on around me & the implications (I thought) if I added to it by expressing most needs, or fear, or telling about anything.

 

[joeylittle]

*sigh*

Heal is a concept that we can't yet apply to the barely-understood injuries sustained by the brain during criterion-A trauma. I'm talking straight science here - science can see physical changes in the brain resulting from trauma. Science can see the impact of the physical changes over time. Science has some pretty good hypotheses about what's going on in there during trauma - but readily admits that the brain is not even close to being fully understood.

So, baby steps.

An amazing thing about the brain is its ability to work around damage. Neuroplasticity is the word for it - if one route or area or receptor or transmitter isn't fully functional, the brain will go around it. For years, what has been known about the brain is, in cases of physical damage, the brain will "seal off" the affected area and allow it to die. The brain doesn't scar and regenerate so much as it adapts. I would not personally call that "healing". I'd call it "recovery". To me, those are different. I have injuries on my body that are decades old that have never healed - but I've adapted and recovered. I also have scars that are decades old that are by now almost imperceptible - and I expect in another few decades they might be invisible. I'd call that "healed".

When I was diagnosed with major depression, it took me a few years to begin to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't reversible. The damage was done. The statistics all support the concept that, for my particular diagnosis and circumstances, it's just always going to be there. But recently, there has been some discovery that actually, damage done to the brain as a result of long-term depression can actually be reversed. There is now a hypothesis that depression can be put into full remission, which is somewhere between healing and recovering, and is the result of a process (endogenous regeneration) that was previously thought to not have impact on mood disorders.

There are early studies in something called "fear extinction", and right now it's just rats. But what it points to is that it might be possible to fully recover from trauma prior to the onset of PTSD. And that research would likely lead to an application that could eventually allow recovery from PTSD.

Until then - I believe in 'recovery' in the very literal sense - that through a lot of hard work, one can recover most of daily function most of the time. But it's not healed. You learn work-arounds, you get stronger in other ways, and you do your best to not hit that one raw nerve that will always be there.

I struggle to get my head around it, for myself. I had depression first. PTSD came along and made it more complicated. I try and visualize getting my symptoms to a point where I can get back to only dealing with depression full-time. And that's not the way it's really going to work, I'm coming to terms with that, slowly. I think eventually I'll be able to wrap them together in one ball and just call them "my brain". I don't need a perfect brain, or a happy brain, even. If I can mostly make it work for me, most of the time - I'll call that good.

/end ramble.

 

[Nam]

When I first found out, I was somewhat relieved that I wasn't really going all nuts. I really wanted more of a physical reason since what I was feeling was mostly physical. Of course all physical sensations have to go through the brain first to be interpreted.

I'm like Joeylittle. I had depression first. I think I've had it since my teens. It was untreated until I went to college where I went to therapy. Then I had a pretty good, but stressful life until my memories surfaced. PTSD hit like a freaking train. I, too, had a timeline as to when I was going to be "healed". It was going to take six months max, not the 10 years that my therapist told me. I realize now that recovering was not as linear as I thought. I recovered rapidly in the first few months because of all the concentration it took to just function. After I was able to function (eating, sleeping, and in the present most of the time), recovery took a much slower route.

It's hard to accept for me that this is life long. I've had PTSD since 2004. I have a good 6 year chunk where I was fine. Then a relapse recently but since I've already done this..it was easier getting out. I put the foundation blocks of good health back in place: good food, good rest, exercise, take meds, have me time, lower stress levels. Recovering came faster than before. So, over time, I do think that I won't have these huge dips from relapses that send me back to being non-functional. I think that I will be able to recover almost instantly which would be me right in with the normal population with my adaption skills.

Along with this, I've found that I've gained essential skills from trying to recover from PTSD. It's an advantage I have over other people. I know, that having ptsd doesn't seem like at all an advantage, but I feel that I have more empathy, intuition, and direction. I have my priorities straight and don't waste time on things that make me "worse", but still challenge myself to become what I want to become.

Our minds are complicated. How we adapt to PTSD is really how well you are going to recover. I don't mean give in, or fight it, I mean help your mind recover. It's like any illness really. If you have a cold, do you just lay in bed and give in? Or do you go to the gym to sweat it out? Or do you take it easy, drink hot tea, take meds, and allow your body to heal? I really think the same applies to PTSD. Even so, as recovered PTSD'ers, we will never be what we once were. But that doesn't mean it's less of a person.

(If this sounds ridiculous to you, please just ignore it. I know there are limitations to my understanding to other people's traumas and their reactions. I can only go form my own experience which is a cushy one. Honestly. When PTSD hit, it could not have been at a better time in my life. So I understand that healing can take many routes and what I said above might be...shall I say...overly optimistic.)

 

[shell]

I still don't think I accept it is a life long condition, but then there are times I don't really accept I have PTSD. For me PTSD is a label, I am what I am, it didn't change who I was just because I was given this label.

When I was given this label, I guess I thought it doesn't apply to me, that I won't always be the same, so eventually I won't have PTSD, because I am doing something to deal with the effects of trauma.

I guess I am optimistic that I will be able to heal, and leave my past behind, but I do accept that I will be triggered but will have learnt coping skills that will minimize the effects.

 

[OneWing]

I understand that human beings are inherently optimists. I don't take up pseudo-scientific endeavors as they only work for those susceptible to the placebo effect. For me, surviving my incident is enough, even if I have to live it over and over in my mind. I was given a second chance at life. Even if it is a more complicated life than I had before, it is a blessing. I am very much aware of my own mortality. I find peace in the fact that PTSD isn't an eternal thing. It is just one part of who I am now for the next few decades until I move on to the next life.

I don't get what the fear is in accepting that PTSD is not something that can be undone. PTSD isn't a 24-7-365 thing, there are a lot of bad moments, but sometimes I can enjoy life. Those moments are a gift when you consider that you only live once.
If you approach it as something you want to "fix", you are going to be sorely disappointed.

 

[The Albatross]

*sigh*

Heal is a concept that we can't yet apply to the barely-understood injuries sustained by the brain during criterion-A trauma. I'm talking straight science here - science can see physical changes in the brain resulting from trauma. Science can see the impact of the physical changes over time. Science has some pretty good hypotheses about what's going on in there during trauma - but readily admits that the brain is not even close to being fully understood.

So, baby steps. .

Relate to what Joeylittle shared. I had Atlas, C1 on my brain stem for over 20 years... no one could or can tell me (since I have periods when my brain does not get the signal to breathe, even though the pressure is off my brain stem and has been for over 9 years or so) if the brain stem can heal... let alone the damage/change to the brain during a criterion-A or several traumas.

 

[anthony]

But genuine PTSD is there for life. It is always something you will have to deal with.

That is accurate, yes.

I think the issue with talking about PTSD and healing, is words such as fix, cure, better now, and such. You can't fix PTSD, because PTSD is a change within the brain. You can't fix trauma, because trauma itself isn't broken... you're brain breaks due to trauma.

People need to always keep trauma and PTSD isolated, because when you think about them as the same thing, often miscommunication, incorrect statements and such get made in relation to PTSD, when talking about trauma, or vice versa.

Trauma can be healed, completely, 100%, factual.

PTSD can be treated and managed, 100%, factual. PTSD itself, still exists in your brain though. It remains as a susceptibility. What @OneWing cites about "It is a burden to carry" is accurate in the sense of interpretation -- exposure to anything stressful enough OR traumatic, may be enough to bring PTSD right back again. You don't manage PTSD once you remove its symptoms, instead you manage your lifestyle and choices to ensure PTSD remains managed and symptom producing free.

Once you have it, and you can get rid of it, anything can bring it back, not specifically a criterion A trauma. It is a burden that you must consider the rest of your life, as you're now highly susceptible to it kicking your arse at any given time from any stressful event in your life.

In essence, I must agree... true PTSD is with you for life, it's purely whether symptoms are apparent or not at any given time.

One must remember, that of the 100% of people diagnosed with PTSD, that only around 6% will have lifetime PTSD, meaning constant symptoms and meeting PTSD criteria the remainder of their life. You can get yourself pretty good with lifetime PTSD, but your life management is high priority at all times, and you will endure enough symptoms weekly or monthly, no question about it.

Around 60 - 70% will fully recover, no more symptoms until the next event. The rest will fluctuate with minor symptoms, maybe meeting criterion, maybe not, but still suffering at a minor level, yet participating in life quite well.

PTSD is for life once your brain has changed.