Tips On Re-personalizing And Re-realizing? Anyone?

[shimmerz]

Hope, can you observe anything about your body during these times? Watch your breath? See your hands etc? Where do your eyes lock?

 

[Hope4Now]

Hope, can you observe anything about your body during these times? Watch your breath? See your hands etc? Where do your eyes lock?

Hmm. Good question. My eyes are usually closed. When they are open, weird visual things happen...like I can see patterns moving...energy...in whatever surface I'm looking at. Feels like I imagine a trip on mushrooms or LSD might be. Have never done that. Don't need to as it comes naturally! LOL!. If I can focus on my breath (which is shockingly hard to do in this state), it does help bring me back. It takes a long while, though. Can't "see" my body except from outside my body. I can "see" myself on the floor. I judge myself on the floor. When I can focus on the breath stuff, it brings me back into my body and then I can slowly sort of put it all together and get up.

It would be a fascinating experience except that it is causing me all sorts of difficulties. It is fascinating. I can observe it as a sort of outsider. But when it occurs to me that this is actually me, it is deeply disturbing. Argh.

 

[shimmerz]

So for me, I noticed that each of my 'parts' had a different breathing style? I wonder if first step is to recognize the breathing style of each 'part'

After I recognized that, if I felt, as @Saetva mentioned, a tightness, or whatever I would identify as a 'new part coming in', I would find my pulse and force my breath down (or up) to a count of 5 for each breath I took. That helped me tons. Sounds crazy.....so sorry.

 

[Hope4Now]

I'm supposed to be doing all kinds of things, and I just can't.

Sorry. Took me a while to respond to this. Attempting to cook and eat dinner (aka be normal) with family. And then look at the forum because I do need help on this stuff. I'm sorry you are dealing with the same stuff. It just stinks, doesn't it. I said to my therapist today, "Why is this SO HARD?!" His answer...:mad: "Can you ask the part of you that's asking that to step aside so we can work with this other part?" I did, but that part kept up quite a racket..."Why why why????"

 

[Hope4Now]

Sounds crazy.....so sorry.

No, not crazy. I get it. When I'm not "gone" I can notice this kind of thing and shift focus and energy around.

 

[shimmerz]

"Why is this SO HARD?!"

Sounds like all three of us are in that mode tonight/today. Must be something in the water.

 

[Hope4Now]

Ugh. You too?! Empathetic :wtf:.

 

[shimmerz]

It is really important (or was for me), to anchor a particular part to a physicality. It gave me body grounding if that makes any sense. I decided the grounding would be tied into my breath. So if I wanted to merge the 'parts', I had to have an alikeness for each to a physiological thing. Breathing is the core of all - it alters states, or can be the catalyst for altering states so I decided to focus on that. The idea of synching up my pulse and my breathing allowed me interaction between breath and something kinesthetic because every time I tried to concentrate on just my breath I would lose myself in my 'state' If that makes any sense.

 

[shimmerz]

Then I would get a sour candy or lemon or something into me as fast as I could to bring the rest of me back into my body.

 

[Hope4Now]

Just found this and am reading it. On Tonic Immobility. http://www.academia.edu/2897230/Ton...onship_to_posttraumatic_stress_symptomatology
One possible explanation for this specific relationship, posited byMarx et al. (2008), is that the gross motor inhibition or “freezing/paralysis”associated with TI promotes feelings of self-blame and guilt because of being unable to prevent the attack (e.g., Metzger, 1976). These feelings inturn may lead to rumination and/or intrusive thoughts about the traumaticepisode (Metzger, 1976; Mezey & Taylor, 1988; Suarez & Gallup, 1979).Others have suggested that the freezing that occurs during TI may itself promote the emergence of PTSD and other posttraumatic sequelae (e.g.,Levine, 1997; Ogden & Minton, 2002).

 

[shimmerz]

I used to work with computers. It was really helpful in sorting all of this stuff out. I could relate the brain that was not functioning the way I wanted it to, to a messed up hard drive, or bad RAM or a looping program.

TI, for me, was a looping program. As I got 'better' at it (whatever that means) I recognized that I was actually thinking about stuff, trying to sort shit out in my head. It ran so fast originally, and there was way too much stuff going on that I didn't realize how much I was 'thinking' through it. Not sure if that is the case with you. For me it was perhaps self blame and guilt to a degree, but mostly it was trying to figure out how the f* to get out alive. The problem was though, I didn't even know what alive was at that point, so I had to wait until my body (not my mind) had reset itself. Once my body had reset, my mind was free from the loop. In an instant. I would be back up as if nothing had ever happened.

Any sense of how it felt to you to 'get up'? Any thoughts at the time? What moved first? Did your eyes open? Did you force yourself to move or did it just happen?

This TI stuff, I swear, happens way more than they say it does.

 

[Hope4Now]

I recognized that I was actually thinking about stuff, trying to sort shit out in my head. It ran so fast originally, and there was way too much stuff going on that I didn't realize how much I was 'thinking' through it. Not sure if that is the case with you.

Yes, maybe this is true. Something is going on when it happens. Inside is mostly just noise though.

Any sense of how it felt to you to 'get up'? Any thoughts at the time? What moved first? Did your eyes open? Did you force yourself to move or did it just happen?

1. Judging thoughts get louder and clearer..."This is not you!" "Get Up Now!"
2. Eyes open. Then close. Cycle through a sort of mid-stage of stuckness between two kinds of states...what's in my head, and what's in my body.
3. Finally, head voices win out and I force myself to move. It's like moving through air of the consistency of peanut butter. Thick. Suffocating. And I kind of force my way through and then gradually, relief comes. But it's not really relief.

It all sounds totally crazy. Ugh.

The process goes faster if something startles me or someone shows up...I think my adrenaline kicks into gear or something and I can rally my body to some level of normalcy if need be (in my t's other office, I sit in the stairwell and sometimes people appear). This is what makes me feel like I could control all this if I only wanted to enough. Ugh.