You Are Not Ptsd

[Upside Down Eagle]

I write this from the spiritual approach that I have been following most of my life. I felt the urge to tell you this tonight after watching some videos that helped me a LOT and reminded me that this approach can help - I'm not claiming this is universal truth, it's just one way to deal with PTSD.

For me, this works the best when I feel completely "lost" in my own mental anguish, for those times where I feel there is nothing else, and this suffering is all there is right now. It is an approach that I truly believe in, yet sometimes I "forget", and then I have to remind myself of it again.

It doesn't have a specific name as far as I know, because this ideology actually exists in a lot of religions and spiritual currents: the idea of Sat Nam, True Self. This idea entails the thought that we are, on the one hand, a person with a name -and on the other, Consciousness.

It is the person who has a "disorder", and yet the Consciousness does not. The Consciousness merely observes: it's the "eye of the storm", the silence in the middle of all the turmoil and the emotional anguish. Most of the time, we are not in consciousness: we are not aware, we're living inside our minds.

And the mind is exactly that which creates suffering -the fear, the anger, the idea that one will "always be stuck" in a situation. On the other hand, Consciousness knows no suffering -it is just There. Yet most of the time this consciousness is not aware of itself -because we assume we're just the person, nothing more.

It is at the point where you realize you already are consciousness, that you have always been consciousness, that you can switch from being just the person (who is afflicted by the disorder) to Being Consciousness. It's pretty much the same principle as Mindfulness training, plus the ideology behind it.

For those of you who are interested in this approach, I want to recommend Mooji. I've just recently begun watching his videos and I must say that when I watch them, I feel a lot of delight, and a lot of release of the negativity that I frequently experience.

Here's a link to one of his speeches, "Fear: Bluff of the Mind".
If you ever feel like discussing it, feel welcome to message me personally!

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@Radise thanks for the post. This is why i prefer the term "developmental trauma" vs "complex post traumatic disorder". The first one indicates that my behavior is a normal reaction to abnormal situation while the second indicates that I am disordered. By looking at it as developmental trauma, I am being more self compassionated towards myself. I don't like the word disorder because when I was growing up I was repeatedly told that I am disordered, deranged, crazy, that something is wrong with me, etc. That was hard to write.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I agree, the "disorder" terminology is rather charged... I was diagnosed with a "personality" disorder too, quite long ago so I'm not sure if it still applies. But back then I hated being filed under that label, the idea that I was "out of order"...

But since then I discovered that I deviate from societal standards in most ways anyway xD So pretty much everything about my person could be called a disorder. In fact, my whole life is a disorder :D

 

[SabrinaB]

Thank you for sharing the video link-I'm eager to check it out. I am religious and also deeply spiritual. Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth introduced me to the life changing concepts of consciousness about 7 years ago. I re-read it yearly and glean something new each time.

I can't imagine getting through this trauma without the mindfulness skills I've honed. I actually think the term mindlessness more accurately reflects consciousness, but I follow the accepted convention because most people can't get it anyways.

Love that you're a societal deviant! More and more I realize how boxed in and closed off many folks are. I had a profound experience last summer when I "saw" (versus knowing in my mind) that the me here, interacting with this world, is not me. Immediately I wanted to jump up, share this news and remind everyone that this is not our home, but then realized with dismay that over time many others have already done this and been ignored or rejected.

Reading your message tonight reminds me I'm not alone. There are others who are receptive, open and connected. Thank you for nourishing my spirit!!

 

[Strongeras1]

Great post.. Personally This Has been one of the biggest hurdles to over come... accepting the fact that what I went through wasn't normal and their for what I'm going through now is normal. And not letting my PTSD define me. somedays I'm getting through life minute by minute, breath by breath. But I'm still here and their has to be a reason for that, so I continue to fight. For those of us burdened with PTSD I challenge you.. to vow to never give up on life and when you hear that voice in your head that tells you to quit..don't Listen to it. It gets better..I promise.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

But one can have developmental trauma and experience no effects. It merely states that one experienced trauma while developing. I'm not sure of the urge to run from the term disorder. If we were not dis-ordered we would be IN-order and what would be the point in trying to fix something that works fine? I think it's semantics and a way for some to continue in a bit of denial. In the end, arguing over such things means you are still deflecting in a way, a distraction from working on what matters. (A very real phenomenon, almost every one does it at some point.)

 

[shimmerz]

In the end, arguing over such things means you are still deflecting in a way, a distraction from working on what matters.

I disagree with this. I understand why you believe it, but I still disagree. And the following quotes are why.

This idea entails the thought that we are, on the one hand, a person with a name -and on the other, Consciousness.

On the other hand, Consciousness knows no suffering -it is just There. Yet most of the time this consciousness is not aware of itself -because we assume we're just the person, nothing more.

It is at the point where you realize you already are consciousness, that you have always been consciousness, that you can switch from being just the person (who is afflicted by the disorder) to Being Consciousness. It's pretty much the same principle as Mindfulness training, plus the ideology behind it.

I have used the consciousness model to rid me of my terrors, to bring me back from my comatose states, to ground me when my brain is spinning. It has worked for me. Very well. I believe that this is the mindfulness model on steroids.

So in fact, I disagree that it is denial because Radise is saying that she is acknowledging and working with the fact that a 'part' of her has PTSD, but that she has trained herself to attach to her 'Higher Self', in order to ground and continue on her journey. That isn't denial. That is working with a different healing modality.

I also believe that developmental trauma affects those who have it. It has to in some way by nature of how society wants us all to fit in 'like this'. Not everyone bottoms out, but there is always fallout. Just my opinion.

 

[Anarchy]

I think it's semantics and a way for some to continue in a bit of denial.

from what?

Denial implies some indisputable truth, when what is being disagreed with is a very subjective ratbag classification for a group of difficulties which we experience in our lives and interactions.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

My mind is still messed up. I won't deny that. My mind tends to run things for me. But that is exactly the problem that this spiritual perspective is trying to address: who says that your mind should run your life?

If your mind says: "jump", should you ask how high? If it says "this is the only reality", should you trust it? And if it says "kill yourself", but you know deep within that you don't want to, then which side of you is right? :happy: It's all very metaphysical, this is true. However I think spirituality does not necessarily involve denial (although it can surely be used as an escape). It's about acquiring a different kind of perspective.

Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth introduced me to the life changing concepts of consciousness about 7 years ago. I re-read it yearly and glean something new each time.

This book did a lot for me too :) I'm not religious, but the shit I went through definitely has forced me to find some kind of way to view it as a growing process. What I love about Mooji is the total absence of self-importance. He says: "I am nobody!" And then he starts laughing about it. What he means is the exact same mindlessness that you just mentioned.

Maybe mindlessness, or nothingness, in a way is the same thing as awareness or consciousness. You are there, but not as this thinking, chattering mind that sometimes just won't shut up. There is nothing: only awareness of the fact that there is nothing :laugh:

@shimmerz , the last time my mind took me on one of it's fancy (unwanted) ride-alongs, the only thing that helped was "forcing" myself to remember that "this isn't me". This is pain, and that's okay. But my "Higher Self" never was actually damaged. It was never victimized. You could even so far as saying that the Self chose this life in order to force it self to an awakening.

That's how some people think about it :) That way, there are no "perpetrators" and there are no "victims", there is no "whose fault" and there is no "I'm not strong enough". It's very empowering.

 

[shimmerz]

This is my way of thinking of it too Radise. It is very empowering. I would literally crawl to my Higher Self and get more energy. It worked. That's all I cared about. It is my belief system as well. I don't answer to anyone for it. And love to talk about it. :hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Thank you @shimmerz.

For me it helps to remember that I am human. I am human who has gone through a traumatic childhood and that as a result I am struggling with some things in life and have unrealistic fears and beliefs. Still I am human. Remembering that helps me be grounded and compassionate towards myself, similar to the Consciousness from @Radise post. It gives me enough space to distance myself and understand myself. @Solara, this does not mean avoiding responsibility or not working on my issues but being gentle and understanding towards myself.

I saw a really heart touching documentary called The Human Experience. In one part of the documentary, they are visiting the lepers in Ghana. These people have a terrible disease and are suffering a lot and they are still happy and grateful and keep their human dignity, their humanity. They did not see themselves as less of a human being because of their disease. I was inspired by this.

Also, I find Maya Angelou very inspirational. Her video Maya Angelou - I Am Human is something I watch frequently especially when I am having hard time.

As for the words, for me they do make a difference. "disorder" implies that I am bad, that there is something terrible bad in me, at least this is how I perceive it. Another short video by Maya Angelou on The Power of Words. How we call ourselves and how we allow to be called, for me, it makes a big difference.

“Words are things. You must be careful, careful about calling people out of their names, using racial pejoratives and sexual pejoratives and all that ignorance. Don’t do that. Some day we’ll be able to measure the power of words. I think they are things. They get on the walls. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, and your clothes, and finally in to you.” - Maya Angelou

 

[holdenmonty]

I'm kind of with you there. I have gotten to a point that I say just because I have ptsd doesn't mean that ptsd has me. I have experienced some stuff and now my mind can't let go of the state it was in when the stuff happened but that doesn't mean I will let it control every aspect of my life.