Ptsd From Being In A Police Station

[stressedout23]

Duplicate post (as a guest) as per now member daisychain23 below

 

[daisychain23]

I was arrested fro breach of the peace and taken to a police station as I was drunk. in the cell 4 officers removed my clothing whilst I was barely conscious and left me naked for 4 hours. im pretty sure that one of them touched me for some reason on my privates. I now suffer from ptsd and have constant videos of myself left naked for so long and the officers knowing and doing nothing about it. the thought of being left naked unconscious and in any position with any officer male or female seeing me is horrendous and I cant seem to get it out of my mind.

I now suffer from constant videos all day of being left naked, I wake at night with panic attacks and can feel someone touching me and I have body memories during the day where by my privates feel like someone touched me there.

I did complain abut this but the officers lied and said I was never naked and that no one touched me, but I know what I remember and my body cant just make up body memories if I wasn't touched. as there was no cctv apparently, there is nothing I can do about this.

I struggle to manage with my ptsd and often have thoughts of self harm or I overdose on my medication as I don't know how to manage these thoughts and feelings. however when I do overdose and need to attend hospital, I often don't go as I am now terrified of hospitals as you have to remove your clothing and it reminds me of the police station. I also get scared that someone at the hospital might touch me when in asleep, just like in the police station, even though I know it probably wont happen, I cant help the fear of them.

I am on a waiting list for a therapist but the queue is long and until then I just get told to manage by myself, which I am clearly nor doing if I am self harming. I have tried to access support from elsewhere, but there doesn't appear to be anyone out there that a person can talk to about this except for a therapist. I feel like im going round in circles and getting nowhere.

I have tried to speak to the psych team at the hospital and they wont do anything to help me at all, unless I literally say that I want to kill myself, which I don't.

does anyone know of where you can access help for these things so that I can get support and help until I see a therapist as 6 months managing on my own again seems like an eternity to me and im not sure how to manage anymore.

thank you

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@daisychain23 you have come to the right place for support whilst you wait for therapy to commence. You will find a depth of understanding in the forum that is surpassed by none. We are a community of sufferers, with a shared common bond. We all understand what it means to be traumatized,

I send you a :hug: to comfort if you accept it.

Laurie

 

[daisychain23]

thank you Laurie

I just wish it would al go away. the fact that they got away with treating me like this is traumatising in itself as I cant be the first person that has had this happen and I wont be the last. it feels like the people that are meant to keep you safe from harm which is their motto can harm you and simply deny it and get away with it. I don't believe there to be any places of safety anymore. I moved homes as I am so scared of police that I cant bear to even see a police car without panicking. if they appear at my home when I have self harmed, it makes me more agitated than I already was and really does not help my situation at all.

 

[Chava]

Sorry for what you went through. I woke up in the hospital ER in restraints once. They were keeping me "safe" but it was horrible. I didn't know where I was, how I got there, and I was tied to the bed. This wasn't my trauma but I'd certainly consider it as a re-trauma kind of situation. I felt really unreal for a period of time after that, versus somehow helped or safer with myself.

For self harm urges it has helped me to do some slow, mindful exercise that requires attention and physical exertion...like leg press machine, resistance stuff, Pilates, even pushing against my car with my legs and imagining I can tip it over (hasn't happened yet :rolleyes:). Also some kind of pressure or compression, like squeezing an arm if I want to cut it or even wrapping it up in compression tape. Or wrapping my torso tight in a small blanket. And other things to help get the energy out, like going for a good walk. Not sure what will help you but there is a definite intense energy in the self harm stuff and helpful to notice what helps each of us through that safely. Hope you're able to find a therapist that can help you through this.

 

[Dee Morris]

What country are you in? I ask because MOST of the police stations in the U.S have video monitoring systems in place. Small town stations usually do not. My point is that you may have an avenue to find physical evidence of the activity that night.

The other thing I wanted to point out is that you have not been diagnosed with ptsd. I would be very careful about brandishing about that label for yourself. Malingering is very common and honestly when I read your post, it sounded like you read a little bit about ptsd and just decided that you fit that bill. I recommend you start with a psychiatrist that either specializes or has extensive experience in trauma. Yes you need a counselor too but a counselor isn't really qualified to make those types of diagnosis.

 

[daisychain23]

thank you.
the thing is, they were not keeping me 'safe' I did not say I wanted to harm myself at all, and even if I did, I should have been given a safety gown to put on, not just left naked unconscious in any position so that male officers can see my privates. that's not keeping you safe, that's disgusting and humiliation someone.

I try to manage my self harm, but its really difficult when I have constant videos of it all day long playing in my head. I try to distract myself but it doesn't seem to work anymore. the panic attacks at night are scary as I know I can feel somebody touching me on my privates. I don't even know if it male or femal or whether it was allowed or not, as far as I know, police can not touch you on your privates.... so if that's true... what can I feel... its confusing.
the body memories are the worst my privates feel like they are numb and I don't know how to make the feeling go away. its like its in my head all day and all night long in many different ways.

it all gets too much for me and people just keep saying that this will never go away and this is my life for the rest of my life... this response simply makes me feel like ' well if this is my life for the rest of it, a constant video of being attacked, id rather not be alive than have to go thorough this every day.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

That feeling of being powerless and in shackles is one of the most traumatizing experiences anyone could ever endure. You were strong to have survived it and you are here to prove that strength. That is your survivor instinct right there. You did survive it and you can survive whatever life has to offer.

Take comfort in the fact that you can battle these demons and come out a brighter and more positive you. Belief in self worth will overcome every time.

 

[daisychain23]

thank you. I am in the U.K and here only large cells have cctv in them and not all of them do it differs from place to place.

I have seen my doctor that had diagnosed me with P.T.S.D, and referred me to a therapist due to my symptom's, so thank you for your opinion.

I have not simply read up on .P.T.S.D and decided that I fit the bill. Of course I have read up on P.T.S.D as I have to manage with it myself whilst I wait for a therapist and its the only way you can help yourself. you read up on it to get help for yourself, just like joining this forum for help. that's what the help on the web is for. I am aware that a counsellor is not qualified to diagnose P.T.S.D, and I haven't said that I have seen a counsellor, and neither shall I be seeing one as they don't work in the area or p.t.s.d.

Furthermore being as I suffer from constant videos of the situation, panic attacks and body memories and there is no other diagnosis for these things, even I had just looked p.t.s.d up on the web and not seen a doctor first, I would still be right with the reason for my constant videos/ flashbacks/ panic attacks/ body memories as they are symptoms of P.T.S.D.

 

[daisychain23]

thank you. but the thing is I do not know how to manage these demons in the first place, which Is why I asked if anybody knows of who you can go to for help until I see a therapist.

 

[shimmerz]

who you can go to for help until I see a therapist.

Yes. Research here for posts similar to yours. Use the Search feature and type in keywords.

For questions you need answers to or supportive feedback, post here as well. It is an interesting group. We all know the routine. Nobody will provide you 'answers' to your questions as you need to find them yourself, but they will help you navigate your own thoughts that may seem to you to be quite skewed.

 

[daisychain23]

there are millions of ptsd posts with flashbacks, panic attacks and body memories...... so I am supposed to try every single way that other people try and hope and pray that one of them works and if not then tough luck to me.

I have tried to manage and the only way that I can find of managing myself as you say I have to do is self harming so I assume that that is the right way for me. yes it might mean that I die, but hey at least I wont have to think about this anymore. thank you for your advice.