Relationship Ptsd As An Excuse?

[Deleted member 28812]

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/civilians.50233/

 

[holdenmonty]

Is it common for military vets to continue with a military perspective or is that something else? That's the one thing I assumed was PTSD although I haven't actually heard of it...

I have combat related PTSD so I'm probably not a very good judge but I work with individuals that use to be in the military and either retired or just regular separated. And it seems to me like the longer somebody is in the military the more their mind sticks with the military way of thinking and also individuals that have been to combat if they have PTSD or not that being in combat has reinforced the military training and the military perspective. The toughest thing I struggle with is getting ride of the hypervigilance when it isn't needed or wanted. Being hypervigilant while I was deployed kept me alive and where I am stationed and still being active duty operational security is a big thing so the hypervigilance tends to be a useful tool in making sure that we are using good operational security. For instance when I go into where I work every now and then if a co worker is behind me they try to sneak behind me and I catch them everytime.

 

[ihateusernames]

Is it common for military vets to continue with a military perspective or is that something else?

Short and sweet answer- yep. The longer they were in and the actual job they did while they were in seems to factor in, too.

 

[Sighs]

My vet spent 24 years as an infantry soldier. He describes himself as institutionalized. He will never be able to see the world from a civvy perspective.

As far as disrespecting civvys goes - my guy does this big time. BUT its often hard to argue with him. Eg 1: Be somewhere on time. Civvys generally are crap at this. Drives him nuts. Hard to argue when he complains about that. Eg 2: Ask someone to bring a specific item. Civvys generally are crap at this too. Eg 3: Expect people to think of possible problems and prepare for those problem (like carrying spare batteries for a torch). Most civvys? Forget it! So as much as it sometimes upsets me when he says all civvys are shit and why did his lads die for these losers... I can see his point.

 

[ihateusernames]

Hmm, I don't know @Sighs. I know plenty of highly responsible and dependable civilians (and some shitty vets). I don't think I'd count those as areas of difference.

 

[Sighs]

Lol - I think the part that really irritates him is that when a civvy lets him down he can't order an escort front and rear and have them taken to the cells!

 

[ihateusernames]

HA, although that should remind him that those problems can come up just as easily with soldiers.

I can't edit my post now so I'll add here instead- I was assuming you meant in a work environment and meant for that to say something along the lines of shitty employees who are vets.

The differences that are glaringly obvious to me are first and foremost communication style. I don't know how they are in Australia, but here they're far more than likely to call you ma'am and also to have what could actually be considered a curt style of speaking, whereas other people come to their point-- eventually. And there's a noticeably different approach to problems that seems to show up a lot. It's not necessarily better or worse, just different from the type of approach people who have spent their lives doing some other job tend to take.

 

[Sighs]

If those problems came up with his soldiers he enforced discipline so that they either shaped up or shipped out. He had to - people's lives literally depended on it. After 24 years he can't change his mindset. Its very hard for him to deal with laziness or incompetence or apathy. (Not saying all civvys have those traits but Aussies in general are pretty laid back. Americans would be shocked by the lack of customer service!)

 

[moonbeam]

I think this is a fine line. Yes and No.

Its entirely possible that the symptoms are related. It could be hypervigilance or paranoia making them jealous, maybe some guilt that they feel they should be able to function better and that their spouse deserves more and a fear that they'll lose them. It could also be trauma related. It could be any number of things and something the sufferer doesn't fully understand why yet.

It is also entirely possible that PTSD is being used as an excuse. I see it sometimes where people say they can't do x or y because of PTSD. I always find it um saddening, irritating, a whole bunch of emotions when sufferers day they can't/won't do something because of their PTSD but aren't doing anything to try and work on it. It can't change overnight but you aren't ever going to get any better if you don't try.

Maybe they can't do the laundry because they are so depressed and getting out of bed has become difficult (been there). And maybe they can but they won't.

The real issue is can't vs won't, and whether or not any actions are being taken to try and work on it.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Eg 1: Be somewhere on time. Civvys generally are crap at this. Drives him nuts. Hard to argue when he complains about that. Eg 2: Ask someone to bring a specific item. Civvys generally are crap at this too.

My vet is crap at being somewhere on time. Two hours late, three hours late, that's him and if Eg1 conflicts with Eg2 be sure he chooses Eg2 and brings the item and forgets about the time but I learned how to deal with is though I am still shocked by how not on time he is while he tends to think he is always on time and it is just not true and complains about people who are not on time. (Men!)
I like the that he prepares for eventualities though. He is highly responsible :)

 

[Deleted member 28812]

To my mind it is not good to disrespect civilians but expect them to respect you because if you treat people disrespectful it is not going to earn their respect.

 

[ihateusernames]

Americans would be shocked by the lack of customer service!

Part of me thinks that might be a better system. I get pretty sick of the patronizing ass kissing and fake smiles you get around here. On the other hand, if there is a thing that needs to get done I want it done. Not, like, when I feel like it. lol

while he tends to think he is always on time and it is just not true and complains about people who are not on time. (Men!)

This is where my thinking is; that this is a male thing. For instance, every man I've tried to get ready to go somewhere with will dawdle and get distracted and take 30 minutes in the shower and change clothes 3 times. But then the moment they're finally ready everything after that is running late, and it's your fault, no matter how late they already are.