Relationship Ptsd As An Excuse?

[joeylittle]

DianaEd - I approved your post (all guest posts are moderated) with some misgivings - but, assuming you are relaying things as they are:

The marriage you describe is pretty horrific, and regardless of what your husbands diagnosis may or may not be, I'd recommend you seriously look at leaving.

Twitching isn't common to all PTSD sufferers, not are sleep problems. Aggression and paranoia are only two of a spectrum of symptoms.

What all PTSD sufferers have in common, is an extreme trauma experience. But, not all people who experience extreme trauma develop PTSD.

Without knowing his full background - you mention he's done tours, so I take it he's a vet? - it's impossible to even guess at whether he'd have experienced a trauma sufficient enough to meet the first criteria for PTSD.

But you need to take care of yourself, no matter what.

It could be he has PTSD, could be, not. But it's not a license to abuse.

This article here: Post-Traumatic Stress DIsorder, will give you a good overview.

 

[EveHarrington]

Diana,

If he had these symptoms before deployment, then I hate to say it, but it's likely him and not just PTSD.

I've read a lot of stories about those with PTSD and when people with PTSD are diagnosed, we don't use it as an excuse to behave badly (the vast majority of the time). If anything there is either a feeling of relief or denial/hiding.

Regardless, your husband is abusive. Do you have outside support? I hope you can leave him------he may also have a personality disorder, too. If/when you leave, it may be hard as he's done everything to ensure that the outside world sees him as a good person while keeping the abuse hidden. Can you call a local shelter?


Added---------

As a partner, are you familiar with the DSM PTSD criteria?

I wholeheartedly believe that as his partner, if he has PTSD, you'll see a lot more than just aggression and paranoia.

Aggression and paranoia can be part of PTSD, but only part------there are many other symptoms that are part of PTSD----and if no other symptoms are visible to a partner, I seriously doubt a PTSD diagnosis.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Diana, here's the thing.

It's doesn't matter if he really has PTSD, or a brain tumor, or even devil possession, or a combination of all three. He is never justified in putting his hands on you. It is not OK.

Nothing would make it ok to treat you like he does.

He is wrong.

Please take care of yourself and your children. He is abusive, both physically and emotionally. He is manipulative. He is financially shirking his responsibilities. That is not a good partner.