Question For Sufferers Who Have Ever Pushed A Loved One Away.

[mellissia]

It takes a leap of faith to be really honest with another person and have trust when we have been let down and been betrayed and abandon and abused. Without that trust, we are missing out on real intimacy, (figuratively speaking,) the ability to stand naked in front of another and show them all our warts and know we are lovable and worthy. Scarey.

I feel real stupid right now that i tell lies to the people i love the most because i do not want them to be in all my drama and things im going threw but still secretly i wish when i push them away they would see through me and find me and tell me that no matter what they still love me forever. I really miss being loved unconditionally.

Ii thought i met my love of my life but told her im not in love with her anymore and now its over i hoped she would put more effort in staying with me. I know i will keep on loving her and i could not just be friends with her and now im to scarred to tell the truth and tell whats really going on. I am sooo stupid.

How could i do this to her and my self? don't want to live like this any more putting people to the test and pushing them away because of my ptsd and depressions. Now im all alone again i think i should commit my self to a mental institution maybe they can help me with these insane thoughts of mine..

can anybody tell me here have one of you found love without pushing them away?

 

[Marima]

Ok, I see what you both mean. However I was thinking more of like relationships when you really love the person and know they are good for you but for whatever reason you push then away because of whatever is going on internally with yourself.

Do you only pull back when you sense the relationship is not good? Ever pull back simply because you love that person and do not want to burden them?

Yes my husband did this to me. We were together 15 years. He had PTSD from childhood physical abuse - but it wasn't diagnosed for a long time. The last 5 years were very difficult as he got retriggered 10 years ago and became very angry and irritable with me. I used to argue with him about him picking on me and he said if he didn't dump his stuff on me who could he dump it on? For so long I didn't have an answer (your abusers perhaps??). But now I'm managing to set boundaries and leaving the relationship is the first step for me. He said he's been pushing me away because he felt he didn't deserve me. We have agreed to separate now because we've been living separately for two years and seem to get on much better this way. I'm very sad but I spent the last 5 years trying to fix his issues, the marriage issues and all my own PTSD issues, and he spent all his energy playing football and going to the gym. I'm not the kind of person to give up, but my own personal work shows that the only person going to look after me is me, so I have to put myself first. There is still a lot of love and care between us - but I no longer want to be with him. Somatic Experiencing, EFT and TRE have been key to all the changes in myself over the last year and resolving my own PTSD (cPTSD from birth trauma, mentally ill mother, and PTSD from an attack in my 20s).. Funny that now we broke up he's now willing to do the work to heal his PTSD and is seeing an EFT therapist and doing TRE at home.

 

[Amanda_j]

Any advice from those that have pushed a healthy, loving person/relationship away?

No advise to give here, as I am the one who is being pushed. My sufferer and I had a great connection and a loving relationship. Right now he can barely speak to me. Needless to say, I'm keen for any insight

 

[Ronzoni]

This is what started me on my journey towards getting help. I find myself in panics that my boyfrie...

Sounds like you don't trust your partner to love you and your faults. Be conscious of your negative thoughts. Pay attention and stop pushing your partner away. Accept that you are the problem. It's all about responsibility.

 

[William Wasilewski]

No advise to give here, as I am the one who is being pushed. My sufferer and I had a great connection a...

No advice from me. Just letting you know, you are not alone. PTSD has been around for years. We have just chosen to be aware of it now. It appears violence breeds violence yet we continue to promote Anger as our National right to expression.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I tend to burn bridges if and when I feel betrayed by someone. It can hurt, and I can miss them, but my trust in them is shattered.

 

[gist]

I push people away too. I don't mean to, but I sort of freak out every time I start trusting and loving someone. Any small thing that a good man does wrong seems like a red flag. I don't trust myself enough to have chosen wisely more than anything. Sometimes I'm afraid that the trauma I've experienced my entire life has prepared me to only succeed in horrific relationships, like I'm not cut out for something healthy or someone to love me.

I did that recently to someone that I think I was starting to love. I didn't realize what I was doing until a friend pointed it out. I very much regret it, I hope he can forgive me because he really is a good man.

I think this is something that we all struggle with. Trust is hard to learn.

 

[cheryl6799]

Ok, I see what you both mean. However I was thinking more of like relationships when you really love the...

Hi I understand what you mean. With my ptsd I actually fear rejection and being second in life, dismissed or disposable. When my boyfriend sometimes is all happy talking to someone else, I instantly start thinking he doesn't like me as much as that person because I'm horrible. Then I typically get sad, mad and rage...say things that are so nasty. He tries to console me knowing my illness and I just keep pushing and being mean. Then it blows over and I'm so disappointed and everyone is now hurt. I wish I could stop the behavior bease I'll be devestated if he takes the bait and calls it quits.

 

[cheryl6799]

I tend to burn bridges if and when I feel betrayed by someone. It can hurt, and I can miss them...

I am the same way. Nobody gets a 2nd chance with me and I now have a lonely life. I wish I could be more forgiving

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I am the same way. Nobody gets a 2nd chance with me and I now have a lonely life. I wish I could be m...

Forgiveness is good, but sometimes, once you forgive someone and let your guard down, they will slap you in the face again. If they betrayed you, and if you couldn't trust them the first time around, what makes you think things have changed? I will say this yet again..Better the ache of loneliness, than the sting of betrayal. Someday, someone will come along who is truly worthy of your trust. Those people are quite rare, but they do exist.

 

[e211cjl]

This is what started me on my journey towards getting help. I find myself in panics that my boyfrie...

I feel exactly like you. I do this always and as I type this I have said horrible things that have pushed my fiance to avoid me for days. He knows I have PTSD but he is having a hard time understanding what triggers my rage. When in the rage, I always verbally attack him. I fear he has had too much. We have previously broke up over this and got back together. Everything has been great until this last round of outbursts. It seems to be triggered because I'm feeling 2nd best or rejected or disposable. I don't know why I can never believe he truly loves me or wants to be with me. He just wanted to go see his dad out of state and I flipped out. In the moment I feel I'm totally right in my reaction and then once I simmer down I realize how nasty I was and how I hurt him. I apologize but I'm so frustrated I get like this. Have you found anything to help you out? I try writing my horrible thoughts and feelings down but I have such a fear of being left, rejected that I almost bring it on myself.