Do You Censor What You Tell Your T?

[Radoja]

Like you are worried about how your therapist can handle it? My therapist has reminded me, in a kind way (not accusatory) that she can take care of herself...because I do tend to worry and want to take care of everyone even if that's totally backwards in this kind of situation. Maybe let your therapist know there is stuff you are worried to tell her because you feel like you want to protect her from it. See how she responds.

 

[Muvuwu]

I used to leave out a lot of detail because I felt shame or because I didn't want her to think I was crazy but now I pretty much trust her with everything. I even tell her negative things about me because she's showed me she won't judge and she will help me. It took like a year to fully get there though. I still have a hard time talking about the therapy relationship which I'm working on but otherwise it feels pretty good to have someone I can share everything with. She doesnot probe much with my trauma details and sometimes I wish she would because I need to talk about it but I think she's trying not to trigger me. Ivery found writing is a really good solution because she knows and then we can process without her feeling like she is pushing me too far.

 

[Uwig]

Well, I most definitely censor stuff relating to my CSA for several reasons that change all the time. One session it might be because I'm protecting my T as others have previously stated. Another session I will censor what I'm saying because I am afraid he won't believe me (this is a big one for me and it confuses me because I don't ever remember being told "no one will believe you" as others have during my abuse). Finally, at times I filter out details from my T because I feel like he might feel like my abuse wasn't that bad and think I'm a whiny imposter or something.

 

[Izoh]

This is no way a criticism because I do it too, but look at how many of us dwell on, think about and reflect on our relationships with our therapist. It is very telling as to the power and importance they have in our lives based upon an hour a week (or whatever). Sometimes it frustrates and amazes me both at the same time how I look forward to my sessions yet struggle so much while I'm there. Holy crap it's so freakin' complicated, ain't it!

 

[pickledpepper]

Holy crap it's so freakin' complicated, ain't it!

That about sums therapy up, yep! ;)

I needed to prioritize other things in our session today but we did touch on this briefly. I didn't actually tell her I felt like I was protecting her, but I did say that sometimes I'm not sure if it ok to say things or not.

She said it was ok to say what I needed to there or to go into more detail about things if I needed to. Maybe I needed to hear that coming from her and that will make a difference moving forward from here. We'll see.

Some things would just be so taboo in a conversation with anyone else you wouldn't ever say them.

I do tend to worry and want to take care of everyone even if that's totally backwards in this kind of situation.

I recognize myself in this statement too, which is why I'm pretty sure it's playing as much a part as shame and embarrassment.