Structural Dissociation - Psychotic 'part'

[shimmerz]

Some of this is very thought provoking. And then I think "Oh no, they're talking about the 'parts' thing again." LOL

I giggled when I saw that you 'liked' Hope's posting that was all 'parts-ie' . lol You are a funny woman sometimes.

Yes, I do understand what you are saying. Horses to stalls, cats into houses - it is their safety - they just aren't taking in the current deadly situation that is occurring in their usual safe place. And yes, my car is my safety. Definitely.

But I have to tell you, for two and a half days I could NOT think. Not for the life of me. I was out in nowhere's ville. What does one actually call that? My posts in my diary during that time are completely whacked out. I am not one to throw the word psychosis around lightly. To me or anyone else.

 

[Ronin]

Some of this is very thought provoking. And then I think "Oh no, they're talking about the 'parts' thing again." LOL

Do not hold back, we're as well talking about little people we once were, forgotten in time and catching back up, thoughts are on topic ;)

 

[scout86]

I was out in nowhere's ville. What does one actually call that?

Well, probably SOME people would call it psychosis. I mean, if you were wandering around on the street, law enforcement might call it that, as might the people in the ER. But, YOU'RE the "parts person". Maybe it was a crazy part, but maybe it's just a very confused, scared, tired child part. (I can't believe I'm defending the sanity of imaginary parts!)

 

[Hope4Now]

Yes. This is what it feels like. It is like the perfect storm.

Just tell me to shut up when you're ready for me to shut up.
Your reality NOW is way different than hers of THENNOW (new word I made up for EP stuck in trauma).
You are a grown up. You have power. Even though you think you don't, you do.
You have people who love you and want you and are working to take care of you/help you care for yourself in the best ways they know how. You can choose to move or not move. To live or not live. To do something crazy like going camping with a complete stranger, or not. To buy a cup of coffee and a donut. To go to sleep on the couch. To kick sticks through the woods all day. You have...wait for it...GASP...
CHOICES.
Yes, you do. You feel like you don't but you do. They may not be fantastic choices because of lack of money/job/stability/health etc., but still WAY MORE CHOICES than a tiny unwanted and abused little girl who was completely at the mercy of the adults around her. She needs YOU! Start little, little, little maybe. Show her. Go sit in a bloody hot car for a few minutes when you're feeling relatively stable and present. Tell her to look around and feel the heat and claustrophobia if she can. Educate her that this is not where she ought to go...show her a different place to go. Either a real one or an inner one (Okay...if you want to know about that, PM me because it gets pretty "out there" but it works really well a lot of the time...just takes a lot of practice).

Because I want to walk freely on this earth. I want to experience again, be of service again, laugh again (I haven't laughed for a WHOLE WEEK (or is it two?). I feel like I have been living the life of the walking dead. And I want to put to use these tools and help others or serve coffee at f*cking Mcdonalds if I want to. You know?

YES! Where's the emoticon with the power fist punch into the air! :cool: (that's as close as I can get).
This is GREAT. GREAT. GREAT.
Your ANP (the one that pushes you too far too fast too hard) needs to learn this. Your EP(s) need to learn this. You maybe will find the courage to show them in little ways what a super-terrific person you are as your SELF. :):):):hug:

 

[Hope4Now]

But, YOU'RE the "parts person".

@scout86 , you crack me up. :roflmao:
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
Thanks. :)

 

[Hope4Now]

But I have to tell you, for two and a half days I could NOT think. Not for the life of me. I was out in nowhere's ville. What does one actually call that? My posts in my diary during that time are completely whacked out.

Challenge. You were thinking. You're posts made tons of sense. Clearly you were in a difficult place. But you weren't "not thinking." You were articulating your distress. That is healthy. What PART :) is telling you that you were whacked out? Sounds like your ANP to me. :D:eek::wtf::hug:

 

[scout86]

@Hope4Now , my T (who drives me nuts with this "parts stuff" sometimes) says just what you did about choices. He often says that without referring to parts (most likely because he knows I'll listen a little better if I'm not trying to argue about "parts". LOL) But, I see those as valid points. We DO have more choices, control, and options NOW than when we were children. Then we truly had to depend on adults for even the most basic food and shelter. Now, we have choices. Maybe not always the ones we want, but at least we have SOME.

 

[Hope4Now]

my T (who drives me nuts with this "parts stuff" sometimes)

My therapist drove me nuts with this parts stuff for a long time. Until I started to believe him. And it started to be helpful. I rolled my eyes and got frustrated for like 6 months. :meh: Now I've drunk the proverbial kool-aid :wideeyed:. (Ew...there has to be a better way to say this without the awful reference).

 

[shimmerz]

Maybe it was a crazy part, but maybe it's just a very confused, scared, tired child part.

Yes, I believe that to be true. A long forgotten time and place, but very real in the moment when triggered off. And she acts just like a defeated toddler who has no idea what to do or where to go.

I can't believe I'm defending the sanity of imaginary parts!

Wish I had your T-docs email addy. Bet he would chuckle at this one. I love you Scout. You are great! I am a bit bitter that you are nicer to Hope about parts than you are to me. Just sayin! There may be no birthday card in the mail for you this year! :rolleyes:

You are a grown up. You have power.

Am not. Do not. I have no adult resources. Besides the car. Even that I can't drive where I want to. :banghead::banghead::banghead:

So please suggest....if I were to take a day trip, you know, just drive somewhere to the states or something to visit someone, do you actually feel like I could pull that off without going ballistic? Really?

But you weren't "not thinking."

Did you actually see my whacked out diary posts? Honey. :blackeye: Yooooosssssaaaa!:banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

[Chava]

specifically about the incident where I was locked out of a house and went to my car in the sweltering heat - I had options. I could have waited in the chair, I could have texted, I could have gone out again. Instead I crawled into a car and curled up. I see that as not having a grip on reality.

I've done this but in extreme cold. I curled up behind a dumpster. Not for shelter or anything. Just because I wanted to lay on the ground by a dumpster in the cold. It was comforting. Not sure if you have an memory of how you felt it a hot car.

I'd say definitely an unusual state for me and I was quite zoned out, but I did not feel the cold. Hard to describe, but if a truck had passed I would have understood that on some level. I think I also would have moved if a truck was coming right at me (well, maybe...). I don't know if that's total numb depersonalization, dissociation, or psychosis. I've been prescribed anti-psychotics but I think I was really starved and numbed out to a dead-like level. I couldn't understand my therapist. So, saying that, I really don't know what psychosis is. It would be interesting to hear from someone who relates to diagnosed experiences of psychosis.

 

[shimmerz]

@Cashew , @scout86 is a hard nut to crack with this parts stuff. Pardon the pun.

 

[shimmerz]

I've done this but in extreme cold. I curled up behind a dumpster. It was comforting. I'd say definitely an unusual state, but I did not feel the cold. Hard to describe, but if a truck had passed I would have understood that on some level. I think I also would have moved if a truck was coming right at me (well, maybe...).

Yes, Chava. This is it. I can see you have been there. And yes, I would love to know what this state actually is. I mean, Van der Hart actually says there is dissociative psychosis, @Lucycat says her T confirmed such. I don't know that psychotic is all about hearing the television talk to you.