Ptsd From These Events...is It Possible?

[md20]

After my wife of 9 years left me a year ago, she began to engage in threesome sex, sex with strangers, sex with married couples and married men...sex during her work hours in a high school...

she relayed this info to me. During the separation, she also showed me videos on her phone of her having sex with a guy in our bedroom...

She had a threesome with a married couple with young children asleep in another room.
She was choked, spat on, urinated on during a threesome...she was scared but did not leave...
She refused to get help after being told so by her niece...

She told someone, and myself, that I was a mistake, and that she hated me near the end of the marriage.

When she left me, she said it was because of stress, and that she just didn't love me anymore, but she slept with my friend the night I moved out of the house...

This was not the woman I knew...these events, among others, has changed my mental state. Some say I am suffering from PTSD...I do not contact her now, and haven't had contact in a couple months. I do not want to...
Could these events trigger a type of PTSD?...Sleep isn't the greatest, although my anxiety has subsided...but these images and thoughts are still prevalent...

Any thoughts or input would be appreciated...thanks.

 

[InvisibleSun]

@md20 Omy gosh! I am so sorry to hear about what you've gone through. I couldn't imagine that kind of betrayal..my heart breaks for you! I am not a doctor by any means, but I am a long time sufferer and here is my take. I think what you have gone through is absolutely horrible and I couldn't imagine how you must feel. And although I do believe what you have experienced is emotionally traumatic, I don't believe this particular situation would create the traumatic responses associated with PTSD. And here is why.

PTSD is the most misunderstood psychiatric illness in all of mental health. Science is just now really starting to learn exactly what this disorder is, how it effects the brain, and consequently the permanent changes an individual experiences as a result. Criterion for diagnosis are becoming more and more broad as professionals learn more about the disorder. But bottom line is..when you witness, experience, or partake in an event or series of events that shows you the absolute worst side of humanity..evil that most people can't comprehend..an experience that shatters the mind and confuses the soul. When you know your experience will follow you for the rest of your life until the very second you take your last breath. That is PTSD. When you wake up in the morning covered in sweat, heart racing and body shaking after 3 hours of sleep..then are so thankful you finally got a good nights rest. That's PTSD. When you can't go out in public without being on constant alert..and your entire interaction with the world becomes carefully calculated around avoiding anything that might even remotely remind you of what happened because... FLASHBACK! At any time..and suddenly youre in that moment all again..and you feel that same horror, helplessness, and pain...then you jolt back to reality..wait a minute?! What the f*ck just happened to me..where am I at..who the hell are you and why is all this shit broken?! That's PTSD. The days are usually filled with lots of panic attacks, cigarettes, crying, dissociation, random fits of anger, rage and more cigarettes. The nights usually consist of more self medicating, chasing sleep that you'll never find because your too afraid to close your eyes. But you always have a knife, gun or other weapon of some sort nearby just in case you let your guard down by sleeping. ISOLATION. Friendships and intimate relationships are simply impossible considering they involve things like, yanno, trust and intimate connection. NEVER TRUST. All energy must be conserved for basic functioning anyway, so social interaction is just draining, plus people think your PARANOID anyway..because you are. ALONE..is all you want to be..because PTSD is always there. INFECTS you like a cancer..and turns your reality into a matrix of all your greatest fears and darkest secrets..slowly driving you insane until you reach the point to where you feel the only way out is to put a gun to your head and pull the f*cking trigger. That's PTSD You are a PRISONER...you are a SLAVE to it..

I think you are experiencing some very intense and overwhelming emotions at a very turbulent time in your life. I definitely think this could cause some issues with trust and fear of committment in the long run if left unadressed. You don't want to this to emotionally scar you. I think your pain is consuming you, which is normal, and it might be helpful to talk to somebody. I think with time and therapy, you'll be able to pick up the peices and make sense of everything. But in my personal opinion. although a traumatic and god awful experience indeed, I don't think this is PTSD. And I truly hope it's not..I wish you the best of luck and hope you find peace. God Bless!

 

[Friday]

PTSD? Nope. Fails to meet criterionA (see below).

A different anxiety or trauma related disorder? Yep. Many, many, many disorders share symptoms with PTSD (anxiety attacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, etc.). It just that most people are passingly familiar with this particular disorder and so therefore think PTSD instead of ASD, AD, Panic Disorder, etc.

Your ex-wife choosing to have sex & film it & send it to you, though deeply disturbing on several levels, isn't; death, threatened death, actual or serious injury, rape / sexual assault. PTSD is reserved for the change that happens in the brain when children are raped by their parents, people are kidnapped and tortured, your child dies in your arms in a car accident, you're trapped in a stairwell waiting to die for a week following an earthquake, you are a medic picking up the broken bodies (and parts) of people around you, etc. A physical change happens in the structure of some people's brains during these kind of life threatening events, or ongoing exposure to death and all of its despair. Which means that while most similar disorders have an expected timeframe to heal? PTSD doesn't, per se. It's life long. You don't recover from it, ever. You learn to manage it. Similar to diabetes with constant management, or cancer with relapsing.

The only caveat here, is that if you've experienced a Criterion A stressor in your life? Just about any damn thing can bring on a relapse. Sigh. Not fun.

_____________________________

Criterion A: stressor
The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, as follows: (one required)

1. Direct exposure.
2. Witnessing, in person.
3. Indirectly, by learning that a close relative or close friend was exposed to trauma. If the event involved actual or threatened death, it must have been violent or accidental.
4. Repeated or extreme indirect exposure to aversive details of the event(s), usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, collecting body parts; professionals repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). This does not include indirect non-professional exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures.

 

[Fadeaway]

Unless you have experienced a qualifying event that you do not mention, it is doubtful. That doesn't make what you are going through any less painful and can certainly leave it's fair share of emotional scars.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

I'm so sorry MD20 that this has happened to you.

I hope that you are receiving support from a good counselor, to help you understand and heal from the wounds your former wife nailed you with. What you are describing is not PTSD, but agonizing nonetheless. My heart goes out to you.

You might want to read some of Dr. Patrick Carnes's books.
He really helps you understand the issues behind Sex Addiction, and also how it affects the spouse/partner of a Sex Addict.

I hope you heal well from this awful and painful betrayal, and eventually meet someone who has the integrity you deserve.
Wishing you a blessed, healing and eventually happy life, full of love and joy.

 

[Chava]

Some say I am suffering from PTSD...

Based on what? If you are having difficult symptoms or having a hard time coping with this, that's completely understandable. But "some say I am suffering from PTSD" would warrant checking with a real mental health professional. As others noted above, this does not meet the Criterion A for PTSD. That doesn't mean it isn't very stressful (could be Acute Stress Disorder, or not a disorder at all but just a really hard life thing to cope with...and support would be good if you are willing to consider therapy). Glad you don't have contact with her. She likely has issues but that is for her to figure out and she sounds like a pretty unwilling sort of tornado, though her behavior at work should be reported.

 

[Deleted member 29899]

Yes. I certainly do believe that this could trigger PTSD In a person. I don't know what your past was like, if you've been through other harsh stuff but yes, some people could have PTSD from this, from the shock to the system, the betrayal, the abandonment, their world and family falling apart. Everyone is different and reacts in their own way.
You can have 8 kids growing up in an utterly insane house. 5 can develop PTSD. 3 won't. Everyone is different.

 

[Fadeaway]

@imok if the person has had qualifying events in the past, then yes, this could "bring out the PTSD" so to speak, but it wouldn't be the root cause. You make a good point in the fact that we don't know what this persons past was like.

 

[Deleted member 29899]

I appreciate your feedback @Fadeaway but we can't judge what can and can't cause PTSD in a person. I've known of 2 people who've had complete nervous breakdowns and ended up in hospital from losing spouse (not due to death).
and often it's not 'just the spouse' that a person loses. It can encompass much much more and for some, this is too much.

 

[Friday]

but we can't judge what can and can't cause PTSD in a person.

We can, actually. That's called diagnosis. The most relavent section was posted above... But the entire diagnostic criteria can be found here:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/PTSD-overview/dsm5_criteria_ptsd.asp

Just because someone has a mental & emotional breakdown? Doesn't mean it's PTSD. PTSD is a specific diagnosis following exposure to death, threatened death, etc... That lasts for X period of time, comes with Y symptoms, and isn't better explained or caused by Z.

On the new Homepage... There's an entire tab devoted to explaining diagnosis. :)
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/ptsd-diagnosis.87466/

 

[md20]

I've seen a number of counsellors...they called it a complicated grieve. Only one has stated it could be PTSD...The images and her words haunt me daily. I have a hard time progressing or feeling ambition...My trust and faith and my own self esteem is decaying...she has moved on into a relationship, and has for 3 months now, like nothing happened...I'm trying to cope daily, but my own self worth seems to have disappeared.

If she had just left, without the aftermath, I think I would be that much better now...but we went through 8 months of hysterical bonding, and I had sex with her once a week for about 7 months after separation while learning about her activities.

Many say she is broken and ill and toxic...if that's the case I can understand, but it seems that stuff she went through was just a phase and she's back to who I married...but I can't be certain..

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@imok,

You are arguing with the DSM-V. We typically go by criterion "A" trauma here as the DSM is the go-to book on PTSD.

If you don't have the body altering type of PTSD that is a literal shock to your nervous system, count yourself as lucky. I tend to think that those who are on the "you've gotta have a criterion A" side have indeed experienced this full body shock, while those who don't have the physical aspects of PTSD are more on the side of "anything can cause PTSD". Why? Because only when you've experienced that physical change can you clearly see that only certain types of trauma can cause these physical changes. The OP's experiences, while difficult to deal with, don't rise to being a cause of PTSD. He may have ASD, but that alone isn't enough to cause PTSD. He may have a criterion A trauma in his past, but it is THAT trauma that is the cause of PTSD. This experience is merely the trigger.

Case in point, something VERY minor triggered my PTSD. Something that most people would brush off in 5 seconds. I would be an idiot to think that the trigger is the cause of my PTSD. (An extreme example, but yes, it goes to show that ANYTHING can trigger PTSD if you have a criterion A trauma in your past. The trigger need not even rise to being something that is traumatic!)