Vent - Disappointment

[Nicolette]

I posted a thread in PTSD Success Stories about how well Anthony was doing with having some projects which currently keep him occupied during the day versus spending hours and hours on the computer. He looks better (more fit and healthy) and is doing extraordinarily well on top of an excellent job with his projects. It is really nice to watch him have motivation to get out of bed and get going into the day ahead.

After all the help Anthony has provided to hundreds of people with this forum I sort of expected that he would receive a lot of encouragement in the thread I posted. I mean, the aim here is to learn how to manage your PTSD better and live as normal a life as possible. Only two people posted in the thread.

My thoughts are that perhaps some people here feel that they 'need Anthony' to be about in order to feel that they are getting something from this forum. I have noticed over the past year that some people will react differently when Anthony says something to them versus someone else saying the same thing. Anthony is somewhat iconic to a few people here. I have discussed this with Anthony and he has said that people need to learn that their healing process involves only them....their acceptance to things....it shouldn't matter who says something to you...it is what you do with the knowledge shared or given to you. Just because it came out of Anthony's mouth does not make it any better than your therapist saying it. Of course there are times when that does not apply as Anthony has more advice on PTSD to offer than someone who has never experienced it.

It seems like some people do not like it when Anthony is not available all the time and I think my thread re-emphasises that Anthony is presently not around as much as some would like.

That all said..........I would have thought more people would have been happy for Anthony. There will be times when he spends a large amount of time on the forum but there will be others when he does outside things. Fantastic as far as I am concerned.

Anthony has said that he doesn't need the praise of others to know he is doing well....I agree with that to a point. I think that we do need to offer encouragement.....I am sure lots of people here feel good when someone tells them they are doing well.

You know, I guess I shouldn't have said this but I'm the one who has watched Anthony sit for hours and hours on the forum, not only responding to people but in the maintenance and upkeep. There is also the financial side which he and I incur so I don't think it's too much to ask for people to sometimes give Anthony a pat on the back with his own PTSD.

 

[reallydown]

Personally, I haven't seen the other thread...I just had a look now, after I saw your post. I agree with you and I am very happy for Anthony :) I can also say that, not being a tecchie, I'm in awe of what he has done here, not to mention greatful...This place has helped me, and continues to help me, get through some very difficult times. Having said that, I don't think it's healthy for anyone to spend all their time here and to expect that the forum or Anthony can solve their problems.

 

[Nicolette]

Thanks RD :smile:

 

[BassistKara]

Nicolette,
I am very happy to hear Anthony is doing so well, especially in the middle of winter here in Melbourne!
The reason I didn't respond to the other thread is that i have an aversion to compliments directed towards me, and I pretty much don't know how to give them to other people in a "normal" way. Coupled with the fact i'm totally disconnected from my emotions so i don't know what i'm feeling about anything.
But all of that aside, i am "Happy" for Anthony. He has done a great job with the forum and educating sufferers and carers about ptsd. I wish him all the best!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Nicolette,

I did read your other thread, but took it in a totally different way. I am happy for Anthony that he has other interest, and hobbies.

I took your thread this way.....That MORE of us should spend LESS time on the forum. I was a little offended actually so that is why I did not respond.

 

[Nicolette]

I took your thread this way.....That MORE of us should spend LESS time on the forum. I was a little offended actually so that is why I did not respond.

I am sorry you felt offended Wendy as it was nothing of the sorts. Anthony has really improved with his PTSD management since I first met him to now. He also is much nicer to have around when he has things to talk about including accomplishments versus spending hours on the computer, sometimes just playing games and being somewhat anti-social. I do not condemn this as I understand he needs to do it when he is ill but he no longer does it out of boredom.

Anthony's progress was shared for 2 reasons:

1. To inspire others here in realising that getting to a somewhat very normal life is possible...yes there are the occasional bad days but generally speaking life is good
2. To encourage Anthony who I love dearly. He has done so well and I am so proud of him.... I believe my encouragement and support helps and thought putting it out there in a place he built to get additional support would be good for him. I would hope that the people who love and care for you Wendy would support you and if they don't I will if I can.

While the forum is good and helpful I think you should have a balance in your life between it and reality. I am by no means saying people spend too much time on here as I do not know their life circumstances. I am however saying it is really nice having Anthony up and about doing things with me, for us, and having a lot of days which are pretty close to normal.

 

[Nicolette]

By the way, thanks Kara for being so open about your aversion. Being able to realise it and share it is a good start in learning to overcome it....I hope you get re-connected with your emotions sometime as they can be nice to have! :smile:

 

[Grama-Herc]

Nicolette

I don't think it is that those of us on the forum "don't care or are not interested" in this or any aspect of Anthony's life. I think it is that we don't think in the positive very often and tend to not visit the Success Story Section.

I've been there once in the year and a half I've been on forum and that was only because I HAD a success story. It is more than likely not the most visited site so most people just simply never saw your thread.

I think now that "WE" are aware your thread is there it will get the attention it deserves.

After all, we ALL owe Anthony our graditude for the help he has given us, especially those of us who he has managed to give their lifes back.

So, Nicolette, thank you for bringing our attention to the success story you posted. As stated before I think we just didn't know it was there

 

[hodge]

Oh, Nicolette, I did read your thread, and I meant to also say "go Anthony," but see now that I forgot. I guess I was too taken with that frog thing. Sorry. I really am happy for Anthony!

 

[Sparky]

Nicolette,

I am new here and like She Cat I did take it as you telling us not to spend so much time on the forum. My negative thinking as usual.

I know how proud you feel about Anthony having other interests, I have a boyfriend who is always encouraging me to get out and do things. When I do he is so proud, I could imagine that for CARERS is like watching us start living again.

Please excuse my negative thinking but.... this was a lesson for me, I now know I have major work to do about this negative thinking.

Sparky

 

[goingonhope]

I am however saying it is really nice having Anthony up and about doing things with me, for us, and having a lot of days which are pretty close to normal.

Nicolette, without me needing to make any presumption here regarding my husband's and two children's feelings, ...(as much communications and evidence on this subject is already in)... I can honestly say that **** and our children share with you this very same feeling

It is nice for them too, to have me up and about doing things with and for them, ect. ; really, really nice for all of us!

Also, just want to add, that it's always really hopeful when seeing honest, open communication, as you've done here in posting this vent-dissappointment thread.

Take Care!


Hope

 

[FlameTachiku]

Victory

:Hug_emoticon:Hi,

I only tend to go the New Post, so if the thread is started it often is not seen. Of course, Anthony success is inspireing, and I wish him wellness. Wow! Seeing anyone survive this and to do well on a daily bases overtime, and to have that confirmed by a close carer---it such good news for all with PTSD!! Most of all beyond what can be expressed with words this is big for Anthony and all of those who love for him, victory! Wonderful!

Gena