Trusting "me" Or My Therapist

[Mammo]

Hey everyone...

Ok, I'll warn in advance, I'm likely not going to be able to explain this well...

Hit a bit of a roadblock in seeing my T, basically because it's a question of:
- He wants me to trust him, over trusting my "inner dialogue"/which is obviously me.

Basically, there's a not so little voice in my head which warns me of danger, and reminds me of previous experience and pain. This voice is "me", it's based on my experience, and whilst it makes me sad, ultimately, it's based on what I "know" to be true, and is designed to protect me from f*cking up again; or getting hurt.

He rejects this, and is trying to get me to stop doing this.

I'm really struggling with this impasse for the following reasons:
- Am reluctant to trust him (or anyone else) more than "me"...I trust myself more than anyone else, d'uh!
- Accepting his view in particular is hard because I believe these things are true, so it feels like I'm being asked to reject facts and reality, just because it's unpleasant;
- This thing that I do, protects me...the idea of stopping doing that, uh, what else would I have?

Anyone else been here, in this situation, or is it just me?

 

[Intrepid]

It's not just you. Trust comes slowly. It doesn't come on demand. I left a therapist once because he was clever and could say things that made my lack of trust seem silly. He was wrong. All he did was humiliate me. That is a good reason for a lack of trust.

But then, my last therapist said a few things that didn't work. I told her they didn't work, and she adjusted. I trusted her because I told her how little I trusted her, and she reassured me over and over again that she was not going to perpetrate on me not only the stuff I experienced that brought on the PTSD, but the lack of understanding I received form this previous therapist.

 

[scout86]

I know what you're talking about. I'll be surprised if this is "just you".

In my experience, I have a bit of a problem because a lot of the time my "inner voice" is wrong. (You might want to check out the thread Ms Spock started on "cognitive distortions").

My T has never asked that I trust him, rather than myself, and I can't imagine him asking that. He DOES point out things that he thinks are inaccurate. He will acknowledge that the thought is logical (if it is) and he'll point out the kinds of early experiences that might lead someone to see things the way I do. And then he might mention OTHER, equally logical ways a person might look at the same situation. Or he sets the conversation up so that I see it for myself. His approach is more "teaching" than dictating.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Instead of trusting in your therapist, can you try trusting in the process and trusting the therapy? I went through processing on crack (ie 2 week processing program) and there was NO time to build up trust in the therapists. I had no choice but to trust in the therapy itself (as no trust in anything would have been disastrous).

I think its easy for those who don't have trust issues to over simplify the trust process.

I don't trust that anyone in my life today will be there tomorrow. I've had my family in my life for 35 years but it wouldn't surprise me if they were gone tomorrow. Upset, yes, surprised, no. There is no trust.

 

[Friday]

I remind myself... There's a difference between listening to my instincts, versus being a slave to them.

 

[Deleted member 29961]

I still have serious trust issues and someone telling me to "trust" them over myself is an automatic red flag and trust is no longer possible. I've learned over the years to trust my instincts, that first gut reaction, it has proven to be right 99% of the time.

 

[Suzetig]

I completely understand that feeling that you don't want to listen to yourself because it's unpleasant rather than because it's not true. My therapist has never asked me to trust her. She gets that I have massive trust issues and has really just waited, given me space and been completely consistent with me over a long period of time. She'll say that I need to challenge the thoughts I have about myself but would never ask me to trust her over my own inner voice.

 

[Biz]

@Mammo, your hesitancy makes total sense. I can identify with that same thing of knowing my inner voice, however flawed/anxious/paranoid, is me and sometimes it's helpful. But, in my therapy thus far, one of the most helpful things said was in relation to this voice. I was telling my reiki practitioner about the fear that comes up when she's close to me/starts touching me. She said, "A part of you feels that fear." She says a part of me is anxious and alert for danger but my innermost being (Buddha-nature for those who are in to Buddhism) is much larger and stronger than any one voice/part.
I know that in some of my hardest moments and in some of the emergencies I've seen/worked there's a me that kicks in and just knows what to do. I think this is my wise mind / Buddha nature. And, it's generally been somewhat inaccessible, but when it does kick in, it's always right on. So maybe a part of you stays with your inner voice and a part of you has your therapist's voice and your wise mind / Buddha nature makes space for both.

 

[Skylynx]

You mentioned earlier about Ms. Spock and her "cognitive distortions". But your inner voice is not a cognitive thing at all. Cognitive means logic, while what you're concerned about is feelings. I have this same situation as you, where T wants to push on sometimes, but my inner voice warns that it's dangerous. But, in my case, if I "obey" T and go ahead and tell, I will freak out and dissociate badly, too spaced out to talk in the session. You could get so you''re not able to go back to the next session. It sounds like your T wants you to just totally give over your fears to him and spill it all out, and that's a new technique going around. But it's trying to bypass the trusting relationship that he should take time to do to earn your willingness to tell more. It's like in the movies where Superman says to the lady he's jumping off the building with: "Just trust me, ma'am, because I'm Superman!" That doesn't work for everyone, but he might be trying it on you to see. But maybe he's testing where your walls are, too.
But generally, a good T should gently invite your inner fears on a regular basis, but not make you feel deeply pressured into terror or radical defensiveness.
I hope you're able to tell your T very firmly not to push you, as sometimes they don't know unless you are nearly shouting at them to back off.

 

[joeylittle]

...your inner voice is not a cognitive thing at all. Cognitive means logic, while what you're concerned about is feelings.

Cognitive refers to all thought, not only logical thought. Some thoughts are lacking a foundation in the current reality - those thoughts are cognitive distortions.

Feelings are not generated from somewhere else - they come from our brains and our bodies, the same as thoughts and memories do.

I believe very firmly that until one accepts that 'feeling' and 'thinking' are not separate processes, they can't get anywhere with their own emotional management. Feelings create thoughts, and thoughts create feelings.

 

[Friday]

Feelings create thoughts, and thoughts create feelings.

^^^^
This

 

[Sandstone]

a not so little voice in my head which warns me of danger, and reminds me of previous experience and pain.

This is normal human development. We all learn that fire burns and hurts so it is better to keep a respectful distance. That is a true protective message.

I believe these things are true, so it feels like I'm being asked to reject facts and reality, just because it's unpleasant;

It sounds as though your T believes you have learned a False protective message, but you are not able to accept that it is false. I have no idea which of you is right. What evidence do you have to support your belief, and what to support his?