Quitting Social Media

[Chava]

Okay, probably not this forum but mainly FB. I don't do much else. I like seeing pics of my sisters kids or their vacations. And some articles that get posted. But mostly I'm noticing it just triggers my sense of invisibility. Looking at other people's lives. Friends who went to a 4th of July party but I wasn't invited. Nobody thinks of me (I know this sounds like a pity party, but I'm just saying FB is not helpful).

I post something admittedly boring, but practical, like asking if anyone has recommendations for a handyman in my area or someone who could do sheet rocking, no replies. How does everyone miss that or have no knowledge of these things? Of course I can just go to google. But I like recommendations. I just need to get out more but I don't even know how at the moment. I'm doing a workshop soon, so that will be great.

I'm probably the sort of person that needs to never be on facebook. I'm not on there much but lately I only feel bad...like it heightens my disconnection. I just have to go out and do stuff, even if it's just me and my dog. The world before watching it from the outside (literally). I feel that way anyway so it's like flaring an already inflamed little core where I'm supposed to have a self.

Now I just need to see how well I do breaking the habit when I mindlessly wander there (I don't want to quit my account...just need a break for sure). I'm hoping I can train myself away from it and when I have the urge to connect, figure out some real way to do it. Facebook just doesn't count. I think it works well for many people. I'm way too prone to disconnection and avoidance.

Has getting away from social media been noticeably helpful for any of you? Do you feel more connected or less connected? Is it more useful to just get away from the screen altogether?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Has getting away from social media been noticeably helpful for any of you?

Yes, it has! I shut down my FB account for 6 months. I am a pretty avid sweeper (someone who enters a lot of sweepstakes) so I had to reactivate it. Well, it was good for that, but the not so good part was that I thought I'd try to reconnect with people I'd lost contact with. HUGE mistake! It has been nothing but a three ring circus of crazy making! I am disconnecting from these people again. I will keep my account active so that I can enter giveaways and talk to one friend whom i chat with on Facebook, but I will avoid my feed altogether.

My dad is so funny, LOL. The other day he asked me if Facebook was just a tool to feed into the "look at me" phenomenon. I said "HELL YES!" (My dad is almost 70 and doesn't care about social media in the least.)

Facebook tends to bring me down, too. I try to contact people and they don't respond. I mean I'll try to contact my sister IRL but she won't get back to me.....yet she has time to post pictures of her fabulous life online? (I mean ALL the time.) It sort of shows that she cares about the image and wants to be in a spotlight of sorts, but doesn't care so much about connecting on a personal level. I'm her freakin' sister! Yes, I vent because it hurts. I have unsubscribed from her feed so that I don't see it unless I actually go to her page.

Do you feel more connected or less connected?

Funny you should ask.... I feel MORE connected to real life because to me, Facebook is Fakebook. Its all shadows, smoke and mirrors. Nothing is ever real. Words are just words, NO tone so everything can be taken the wrong way. 90% of what we say isn't in the words themselves but in how we say it. (This is why I fear for the next generation that doesn't know how to connect outside of technology.)

The connections on facebook aren't real to me. I can't form a true bond over technology unless I talk to the person a LOOOOONG time. So yes, it has happened, but it takes time b/c I need to see consistency. The only people I do trust are those who have been honest and I have learned to trust because their actions are predictable. (In regards to those I don't know before adding them.)

Is it more useful to just get away from the screen altogether?

I think it can help to get away altogether. I think it gives you time to devote to other things in your life. I know I have too much screen time right now and I need to cut back. Then again, I'm going to have a LOT of screen time over the next 5 weeks b/c I'm taking 2 online classes. After that, I do plan to do more elsewhere and disconnect more from technology. I have plans to become more active in my career pursuits, my church, etc. I know that this will help me get through the rough fall months. And as for social media? I'm only on FB to win stuff, I'm only on twitter to win stuff, I'm only on Instagram to win stuff, I'm only on pinterest to win stuff....You get the picture. All of my social media sites are just for my hobby and nothing else. I don't care about connecting with people (save one FB friend).

 

[Chava]

Facebook tends to bring me down, too. I try to contact people and they don't respond. I mean I'll try to contact my sister IRL but she won't get back to me.....yet she has time to post pictures of her fabulous life online?

Yeah...it's like a world of zombies. It's a nightmare for me sometimes because I AM disconnected, I admit it's my worst fault/challenge. And then it seems like everyone else on there is disconnected. We're all getting together to be disconnected. WHAT THE f*ck?

Thanks @itsKismet

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You're welcome!

Twitter can be just as bad....only people have like 140 characters to describe themselves in their profile. It seems like every woman is a supper mommy, everyone who has a blog is a social media expert, and so on. Nobody ever just describes themselves as is, like "single white female" (for example, classified rip off, lol)....rather, it would be something like "super fabulous single white member of the better sex!" Well, you get my point. Its a bit nauseating!

But yes, we are all getting together to be disconnected. That's the great facade of Facebook! A site that masquerades as being "social" but is pretty much anything but since you can't get true intimacy online. Sigh.

 

[Chava]

I don't even do twitter. I'd fail in that atmosphere and frankly it depresses me.

But yes, we are all getting together to be disconnected. That's the great facade of Facebook!

Right on, my friend.

I'll stick with the forum because we have actual conversations, even if not face to face. I don't know what the f*ck facebook is...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yeah, I do find more REAL connection here on the forum than I do elsewhere. Even if its just because I know that others can truly identify with what I'm dealing with.

The arguments on twitter can be insane! I've seen mob mentality set in, people bullied, etc. I stay out of it all. I've been tempted to say something, but I refrain from doing so. The last thing I want is a whole bunch of strangers tweeting me and attacking my stance. I rarely even put my opinion out there or even say anything personal.

I guess with these social media sites, they *can* be productive if you use them solely as a means to an end and find a way to avoid the drama, the showboating, etc. TBH, on twitter, I don't know anybody! I think that helps, right?

I am considering setting up another social media site just to have a place to log certain photographs. But again, it will just be a means to an end and not really an attempt to connect with other people.

 

[Chava]

I've taught middle school in the past. this...

The arguments on twitter can be insane! I've seen mob mentality set in, people bullied, etc. I stay out of it all.

...is juvenile and what we encourage youngsters to reflect on and develop beyond... so good I'm not missing out on anything. Twitter sounds like bullshit.

Facebook is exacerbating my "alone" and "invisible" and "looking at the world through a glass" triggers. So f*ck it.

But I do like the forum because we can have real conversations. I understand w can't see each other. But to the best of the given media's ability we can actually talk and listen and get ideas. So I won't quit forum. Or my blogging because writing is good for my floundering self.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

But I do like the forum because we can have real conversations.

I think *REAL* is the keyword here! I don't think any of us could have real conversations about PTSD on Facebook (unless we belonged to a PTSD group, but those tend to be run by anyone/everyone who just wants to have a "group" and there are no consistent rules or moderation, etc). Well, I know that I couldn't. I couldn't discuss any of the things that I do on here.

Funny, I wandered over to Pinterest in thinking that I could use it as a site to post some of my pictures....but then I realized....that while it may not be quite like facebook....it would end up being yet another hindrance to actually connecting with people. I guess I'm more along the wavelength that I rather be actually out there living life as opposed to documenting how fabulous my life is on social media. I've actually gone through this before, considered setting up various sites for my photographs and always decided against it because I rather be "doing" as opposed to "documenting". But hey, maybe that's just me.

 

[scout86]

If I remember right, there has been some actual research on the effects of Facebook and it DOES tend to make people feel worse about themselves and their situation. I have some clients who prefer to contact me that way, for some reason. I have an account mainly for that. Rarely look at it otherwise. I don't think you'll miss it, but I'm glad you're going to keep dropping in here!

 

[Chava]

I saw something about that too, @scout86 . I know people are usually sharing the good parts, I do that too...nobody really wants to here me complain about pain. I don't feel like I was doing much comparison, but hard to see when some friends are out and I wasn't invited, and hard to have feelings of being invisible triggered...and they just don't need to be. There is solace outside of that, even if I'm alone.

I'm in quite a bit of pain today, so would be easy to mindlessly find myself switching between sites and browsing facebook. I use a different browser that doesn't crash when I open links to articles, so I have that browser going with a stream of videos about mindfulness. So if I expand the browser, something is already happening there...and a reminder to just avoid facebook. Also I'm doing some reading and will try to find a good movie or something and just be okay with resting through pain, not making anything worse for myself.

 

[scout86]

but hard to see when some friends are out and I wasn't invited,

That WOULD be hard! (That's the stuff I don't look at.) I'm pretty sure that most of the time when I don't get invited to things it's because they know I won't come. The summer before last, a good friend got married. They had the reception on a boat, on an area lake. When she invited me, she said, "We'd really like you to come, but you'll have to be on a boat, with people you don't know, for a couple of hours and there won't be any way for you to leave." I guess my tendency to come late and leave early is more noticeable than I thought! LOL In that case, I figured that the other attendees were friends of my friends and would probably be not only ok but interesting. I went and actually had a good time. But it's kind of hard to walk the line between "enough and too much" and all people aren't equally ok...... Maybe you just need to find more friends that you actually have more in common with? Where you don't have to put on any kind of front to be accepted but will be accepted for just who you are? Not easy to find I know.

 

[Chava]

Maybe you just need to find more friends that you actually have more in common with?

Yes, easier said than done! I had a good friend who felt very easy to visit with, and I had the feeling he really liked spending time with me, but he moved for a better position. I called him last night when drunk and thank god he didn't answer. :facepalm: Beyond that it's hard to meet new people in my area. And I just suck at warming up to people or even being approachable. So many effing hurdles.

The friends might have been invited by other friends that don't know me. I'm rational to a point. But really noticing facebook isn't helpful at all for feeling "connected" lately.