Quitting Social Media

[scout86]

Yes, easier said than done!

It is!

I deal with an assortment of people most days as a part of my job. If it wasn't for that, and the people I visit with here, I'd probably go for weeks at a time without talking to anyone. (Other than my T, who suggests that I might "want to consider a social life" every now and then himself.) I'm not really sure what to do about that. I live in a rural area and like it. Most people around here are doing "family stuff" in their spare time. I've looked into "Meet Up", but haven't found anything that interests me within a reasonable driving distance.

 

[Chava]

I deal with an assortment of people most days as a part of my job. If it wasn't for that, and the people I visit with here, I'd probably go for weeks at a time without talking to anyone.

I'm on summer break from university. I hate to say how lonely summers are...feel like a loser. I'm trying to stay positive. I didn't leave a drunk message for the friend who didn't pick up, but he did call back this morning. I was in too much pain to answer, but I will call him back. I have to find little ways to reach out that don't just feel like further overwhelm. Working on the whole glob of disconnection in therapy and I'm maybe tweaking out some, like the stinging open wound thing.

 

[scout86]

My winters are kind of like that, because I'm not busy. The biggest difference is, I don't really notice being lonely. (Which might be a problem all by itself.) I do have a couple of friends that make it a point to get together once in awhile for coffee or lunch. I'm glad your friend called back. And, I can't imagine trying to work at getting out more all the while dealing with your pain problems. Just dealing with long term pain wears on a person, even if there are no other problems to go with it. You might feel like a loser, but I sure don't think you are. You persevere through quite a lot. That's not the way a "loser" behaves!

 

[Chava]

The biggest difference is, I don't really notice being lonely. (Which might be a problem all by itself.) I do have a couple of friends that make it a point to get together once in awhile for coffee or lunch. I'm glad your friend called back. And, I can't imagine trying to work at getting out more all the while dealing with your pain problems.

I've kept really busy entertaining myself through the years with art projects and overworking so haven't felt lonely much. I do value that I can be alone. But I think when the shit hits the fan (I can't keep up or am overwhelmed) it's hard to realize how poorly I've developed connections. I have to say I have a couple okay colleague friends. I try not to ask for help much but be a friend. I don't expect others to understand chronic pain, the depression, or offer to help much and I don't want to drag my very few sort-of friends down. They aren't the good friends I just feel at ease with. But I have to pay attention to making little bits of progress, which I think I have. I get swamped by sort of all similar feelings through all time converging and feeling hopeless. I know this but it's hard to feel feelings in normal ways...working on that too. So much!

Thank you @scout86 . I do manage a lot on my own and just wish I knew how to get support but also have others want my support. That stuff. I'm really tired.

 

[Gadgie]

Yea! It's taken me a long time to get used to being alone, it's been 9 months since my wife passed, and I must admit I've come a long way since then. I was a total suicidal wreck a few months ago, and was saved by a phone call, that looking back was a Devine intervention.

I had no friends or family, as my wife's family had turned against me in block, but looking back on that now, it's just as well they did, as since my wife's passing, I've seen them for what they are,.......not good people at all!

Now, since finding my long lost sister on line, and have just returned from spending two weeks with her in Holland, I am now recharged, feeling a lot better, and my moral and confidence has grown so much.

I'm even getting used to being alone now, and I'm in the process of clearing the house out, I still don't have any friends, as I do find that difficult to do, as I can't seem to mix well with other people, but that's due to my PTSD, but my life is slowly coming back together now, and I do try to make the best of the good days.

 

[Justmehere]

Facebook is not my friend.

The only drama I have experienced on facebook was with a family member one time, and that was 3 years ago. Outside of that, I have never experienced any real drama or problems being on Facebook.

I deactivated my FB account after being stalked. I have re-activated it from time to time to connect up with friends who live locally, but increasingly, I have found it to be really damaging. I tend to get sucked in and I always feel crappy when I get off facebook. I see tons of people with smiling happy families and kids, and I feel like the biggest failure as a human being every single time.

I have gone without Facebook for 2-4 months at time. There was nothing that I missed. Facebook didn't really add any value to my life. I felt better and naturally connected more to the people around me.

When I feel really lonely, I tend to be tempted to get sucked back in. For me, it is like some kind of fake shallow replacement for working harder at making real connections elsewhere.

I'm mostly Facebook free, for now, and I like it. I can always go back and re-activate, but the process takes a few steps and that is usually enough to make me pause and stay off.

 

[Chava]

I see tons of people with smiling happy families and kids, and I feel like the biggest failure as a human being every single time.

I know it's not always happy for anyone, but it is hard to see the families and kids growing. The vitality feels sucked out of me because so much focus is on family. Glad you have not missed it. I think it was a good way to feel still connected to friends or colleagues who moved, or siblings, but not really. It's just pictures of their lives. It's much better to just call a sibling and if I am less connected to 500 other people, fine. Really not much loss I'm sure. I've decided loneliness and boredom are superior feelings to whatever I get from facebook lately...how it seems to heighten the disconnection and feeling of watching life from the outside.

@Gadgie , I'm sure it has felt like a very long road, but if you are adjusting to being alone within 9 months of losing your wife, that sounds pretty good...lonely I'm sure. Glad you are working to make the best of things.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I see tons of people with smiling happy families and kids, and I feel like the biggest failure as a human being every single time.

I know the feeling.

I complain a lot to a family member about pretty much the same thing. I feel like I am a failure because I'm not living up to my potential. I don't have a career. I had grand plans for what I wanted to do with my life, but I have none of that, career wise. I wanted a partner, a family.....I don't have those, either. Anyway, this family member is always reminding me that I am dealing with something that most people have never dealt with, and what matters is that I'm doing the best with what I've got. It does me no good to compare myself with everyone else. I know its hard not to, but he's right. I know I am doing the best with what I've got. No, I don't have many friends, I don't have a partner or children, and I don't have a career. But when I look back on my life, I can see that I've fought like hell to get where I am today, and I can find pride in that. I am moving forward, and that's what counts.

I think the key is to stop comparing ourselves to others. Honestly, I think that there are SO many strong people here on the forum, especially you JMH and also you Chava! I've seen your struggles and I see how incredibly strong you are. I think it is important to keep in mind that most people don't have our struggles!

Ok, so this may sound mean, but I believe it to be true.... Give most normal people 5 minutes of our symptoms and they'll be curled up in a ball on the ground crying, not knowing which way is up. Yes, maybe this sounds mean, but this is pretty much what I was doing when I was first diagnosed. Very public episodes, some of which I was literally lying on the ground screaming my head off....IN PUBLIC! So OF COURSE people without our symptoms are going to be highly functional with 2.5 kids and the best partner EVER and a fabulous career and tons of friends....They have all that free time that we must spend on healing.

But, remember, FWIW, I think you're both strong, a heckuva lot stronger than many normies I know.

 

[Chava]

Honestly, I think that there are SO many strong people here on the forum, especially you JMH and also you Chava! I've seen your struggles and I see how incredibly strong you are. I think it is important to keep in mind that most people don't have our struggles!

OMG thank you so much. Yes, we manage a lot. I have the social with-it-ness to not even clue in my sort of friends (group of friends, good to have, but close to none of them). One knows I have panic attacks. She's let me stay in her basement a few times so I'm closer to ER, no questions asked. So that's very nice. But holy shit, yes... (I'm drunk, yo)

 

[Gadgie]

Quote......."I think the key is to stop comparing ourselves to others."

That us so true, too many if us compare ourselves to other people, which when you think about it, is wrong, as we all lead different lives, which change as we make our way through life.

For example, I never envisaged being a widower and alone at this stage of my life, but even now I don't look around to see if I can compare myself with anyone else.

I'm just trying my best to get by, on a day by day basis and try to find something positive in every day. Besides, not having any friends, I have no one to compare myself to, which I suppose puts me in unique position.

 

[Chava]

Comparisons are hard, and so often unhelpful. But, like being here and knowing I'm not the "only one", it can be helpful. I think that's the sort of comparison I need right now. @Gadgie , I know it must be hard to go through this loss and be alone, but you also aren't "alone" in the experience. You have the position to understand the loss of others. And you are alone, but you are alone here, relating to my aloneness. So in that little way, we are together. These are the more supportive comparisons. I think it's the feeling that I'm all alone in my suffering, and easily losing contact with the fact that others suffer too (easy to see on facebook where we tend to post all the great things about our lives). I'll stick with the forum, but I already feel better lurking around facebook much less (there is one group on there that I find interesting for these positive or supportive "comparisons") but I very gingerly browse my newsfeed or skip it all together.

 

[Gadgie]

Yea! I quit face book last year, as it was getting too silly, some folk posting what they had just eaten and trivial things like that.

I also found it to be intrusive, and some folk posting stuff that, if they thought about it first, they wouldn't have posted. It's possible to give out too much information about yourself, which can lead to you being harassed or bullied.

Maybe it's just an age thing with me, but I don't like everyone knowing my business, or share my private life with the world.

Whereas on here, the people you are posting to are of the same mindset, and struggling with PTSD and it's effects on their lives, where the average person wouldn't have a clue what you are talking about.

I think that's why I feel comfortable on here, being with folk who understand.