How Do You Know When You're Not Dissociated?

[Friday]

Maybe this is what's happening when I'm able to focus well on work, and think clearly and creatively, and interact with the world effectively...it's a different type of dissociation that allows for hyperfocus. I don't know...not really sure I'd equate hyperfocus with dissociation.

I don't really want to get too far off the map into different disorders & conditions... But when I'm talking ADHD hyperfocus, it's pathological, and maybe 90% disassociation if not more. As long as one is hyper focused? You don't need to eat, sleep, pee; don't feel pain; don't hear people taking to you; etc.... Until the hyperfocus breaks. It can be 15 hours later, and it's leaping up to try and get to the bathroom before wetting your pants, again, because biological necessity has turned back on, or 3 days later and falling asleep like a puppy midstride. Or looking down and realizing you've run your feet bloody to the bone and OMG the pain! Or that a fire alarm is going off (the shrieking, unignoreable kind) that upon further investigation you find has been going off for hours, or because a firefighter is shaking you by the shoulders and about to bodily pick you up as you're still cheerfully typing away at your desk. Huh? What? Christ! What is that damn noise, and who the hell are you?!? Oh. Fire. Right. Yes, let's go! ((All 5 of these examples are from my own life).

While it's possible to be hyperfocused working with other people, while I can be straight up intense/ very grounded around others, the only times I have personally experienced hyperfocus with others was in life/death situations or team sports. (A helluva lot of pro-athletes are ADHD-h. I was never even close to being that good). Even then, interacting with others was more due to training than anything. Hyper focus tends to be very singular.

Given that, I'd be more inclined to think that you're maintaining presence & being focused at work, rather than hyperfocusing. LOL. But then, I don't know what kind of work you do!

 

[DogwoodTree]

Given that, I'd be more inclined to think that you're maintaining presence & being focused at work, rather than hyperfocusing. LOL. But then, I don't know what kind of work you do!

That kind of information might help in this discussion, lol. I work from home, writing and researching, so "interacting with the world" looks more like Sandra Bullock in The Net. Some conference calls, mostly email.

A lot of good mental energy when I'm getting deep into something, and easily annoyed at interruptions from personal texts, kids coming in my office space, or even just DH checking in on me. It's like I have all these strands of thoughts and ideas in my head, and to break stride to interact with someone over something not related to that can get really annoying (even if it's from someone I care deeply for, like DH or the kids). But talking with people on Skype about the project can go really well...one hour brainstorming, followed by several hours of introverted thinking and intuiting.

That said, in the past I've worked in positions that required my presence at a place of work all the time, and frequent interactions with people, but that was before the PTSD revved up again, and even then I was always kinda awkward with it all.

 

[Tinyflame]

Getting lost, not being able to remember familiar areas, things looking 'different' somehow (like through a narrower lens), losing time or forgetting what I'm supposed to be doing & not being able to orient (that leads to frustration & exhaustion to try & recall & re-double-check what I *think* I should have been doing/ done (usually I have done it but can't recall) ), not recognizing faces or remembering names at work etc, those things I guess are when I'm not all there. 'Getting lost' leads to feelings of panic. Maybe related to when I was a kid.

 

[Tinyflame]

Also, sometimes I feel 'floaty' , bit like if it is a dream. Pain/ actions don't work to over-ride it. Usually my head hurts, but can't recall if that's after, whether I notice it then (after, but it was 'there' & I just didn't notice) or it just occurs after.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Getting lost, not being able to remember familiar areas, things looking 'different' somehow (like through...

So these all seem to point out markers of dissociation for you... What are the markers that you know you're NOT dissociated? What things can you point to and say, "Yes, I know I'm present with the world right now because..."

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess I would just say I'm functioning, engaged. An absence of those things, feels like a weight is lifted,