Worst Ptsd Epidode To Date.

[JadedGhost13]

I have been really withdrawn for a few months and I felt a episode brewing, but I ignored it thinking I was being paranoid. Well I just lost it! I have several stress factors in my life, but who doesn't? This has been the worst episode or breakdown whichever you prefer to call it to date. In all honesty is should have checked in somewhere for my own safety. However, I just cannot do that, I have two pets at home and I do not have anyone in my life to care for them because like many of us that suffer the way we do I have either cut the toxic people from my life or I just have not made the effort to make friends and those few people that I do know, I am not that close to.

So instead of checking in somewhere I did get to my regular doctor to let her know what is going on. she started me on Xanax for 10 days while Lexapro could kick in. I have not been on meds in a while because I am on 8 other meds daily for other conditions and I have a problem affording those without adding in more. And who wants to take that many meds anyway!

While the Xanax semi works in helping me not give a crap so much I still have the nagging feelings of anger and frustration. I am still not in a really good place at all. But I am trying to hang in there, I just do not want to go check myself in anywhere.

During this mess we have had some serious family issues and I have had to cut 3 very toxic members from my life because one of those family members is a malignant narcissist. So you can just imagine the hell that member created for others. Then on top of all of that my spouses checks have not been what they should be. I noticed a huge difference of a couple of hundred a week and he was not bringing his stubs home as he normally does. So this created a problem at home. I called him out of it and he laughed and admitted he had been advancing to take off the top. What was left was not enough to pay our bills because my copays for my medical cost $200 a week, and then there is the rest of the household bills. So you can imagine the problems this has caused. After not just fighting over him hoarding money and laughing about it and then arguing over me cutting toxic people out and him not defending me he and I decided it was time to split. So now there is even more stress.

I was left with NOTHING on hand in the form of money. He did pay my home owners insurance, my power bill and my mortgage but left me with nothing for medical or groceries. I thought this would pass but it didn't. And he is still away from home. So after a couple of weeks I was running low on food so I was forced to sign up for food stamps, I have never done it and was humiliated and scared and lost. I was approved for emergency stamps but the EBT card has not arrived yet. I have also applied for Medicaid and I am hoping to get that so I can get some help and be able to stay on my meds. I do have insurance but my copays are crazy high.

I have not worked in 25 months now, I applied for SSDI as soon as I was told that I could no longer work, but you know how that goes, its a hurry up and wait game. I at the point in the process now where I have to see the ADJ and that's still a long ways out. I was told the case will go to a reviewer to set the court date which should happen sometime in the first quarter of 2016.

I have no idea how I will survive until then. All I know is that it seems that each time I have a episode it is worse than the last one. Its almost as if it is progressive. Is it this way for you? I would never wish this disease on anyone. I have been suffering for many years with this disease, no meds work for me, some even make it worse.
When I was DX'd my psych told me I was the worst case of PTSD he had ever seen in time of practicing. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life is to live with this disease.

 

[hodge]

I've been there, too. JadedGhost. I hope you get a lawyer who specializes in disability. That can really help move the process more quickly, and you need it quickly.The food stamps and Medicaid will come soon. I've been there, too, Just hang in there. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[JadedGhost13]

I've been there, too. JadedGhost. I hope you get a lawyer who specializes in disability. That can really h...

I do have a lawyer. I did everything myself until I got to the point where I need to see the ADJ. when I got to that point I handed it all off to a firm specializing in disability claims. She said there's nothing we can do to speed things up. I do have my starte rep and senator inquiring about my case often. And they write me letters when they do inquire and tell me the so office response. Once I was told January now I'm being told possibly March for court. I know that's only months away but in my position that makes it feel like it's a million years away.

I was able to complete my Medicaid application finally after three failed attempts and much frustration. I did receive a receipt that it was received. I'm not really sure what happens next. You know it's hard to find good information online because different people are in different states and state agencies operate differently in different states. I do know here that you have to go to a regional office at some point. I think anyway. They may be able to tap into my SNAP and SSDI information I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure I'll have to do a face to face interview at some point though. The one I would be going to is over a hour away. In a position like mine I have to figure out where to get the gas money to go. I'm really hoping I am approved because I cannot afford doctors and meds even with my insurance that I do have. My copays are insane. If I'm right, they places I go would take my insurance then bill medicaidmas a second insurance, am I right? And how would that work on my medications? The same? So I wouldn't have a co pay?
I've not been going to my therapist because I just cannot afford the $40 co pay 1-2 time week. And I know that the judge will frown on me not getting mental health help. But if you can't afford to go you can't afford to go.

I am going to try and make some things to sell online in a few places and hope that brings me in some cash income and I am going to try and sell off some of my things sitting around my house on the local buy sell trade. They also have a clothing site locally and I have a LOT of clothes most big named brands so maybe if I sacrifice some of my stuff I can get a little money to get by on. Hell I am so broke that I'm down to two rolls of toilets paper and have no money for more. It's terrible.

 

[hodge]

Oh, JadedGhost, I'm so sorry. I've been where you are. I would think you could get food support, too, until the SS comes in. Have you applied? Nowadays you can also use that for tp and such. Maybe a county social worker would help? I know they really helped me apply for all that stuff when we were desperate.

 

[JadedGhost13]

Oh, JadedGhost, I'm so sorry. I've been where you are. I would think you could get food support, too, unti...

I did apply for food stamps and because I had no income I was granted expedited services. I will receive $148 for the month of July and on the 12th of each month after I will receive $194. She approved me for a year and I won't have to check in with her unless my situation changes in some way where I start to have a income. But we all know that being I applied for SSDI and am over two years into that case I cannot have any income at all. So unless my case goes to court and I'm approved before next June 2016 then I don't have to worry about going back to that office. But I'm going to have to learn to be more crafty with my grocery money. My normal budget is $400 a month. So now I have half the amount than I had before.

I have never received food stamps in my life. And I've been reading up on them. I cannot get personal care items like toilets paper and laundry stuff or tooth paste or shampoo or soap or anything. Only foods and even those have some limitations. It may just be my state I don't know but from my investigating into learning more about SNAP so I don't embarrass myself at the store by trying to make a purchase that is not approved and then I have no way to pay for it, I've discovered I can still use coupons and I'm happy about that. I've always used coupons. Who wouldn't? It's free money. I don't find a lot of them that I can use but I do find some and manage to save a decent amount of money on my weekly purchases. There is no tax on the food purchased with the bet card so I don't have to consider that when calculating my total. So I can just use the calculator on my phone and I will know what my total will be.

The card has not arrived yet but I did receive a electronic email which is how they set things up to contact me with, the email came on Saturday and said that the $148 for the first deposit was available and loaded. But the card is not here yet. She ordered the card in the 7th and said it could take 7 business days which does not include Saturday or Sunday for it to arrive. So this coming up Wednesday with be the 7th business day so my wait for that should not be long. I've been doing ok, I had a small stockpile of food, not much but a little to get me by. I've just missed fresh fruits and vegetables and milk.

Medicaid said it can take as many as 30 days to process my application. So I'm not so sure how that's going to work out at this point being that was done online and I've not spoken to an actual human yet. I will need meds refilled and several doctors appointments before then so that's going to be a difficult time if it goes 39 day or more before I get that benefit if I'm found to be eligible.

I totally lost interest in everything about a year ago. I've tried for years to develope a pattern and cannot do it. I cannot do a bed time and a wake up time. I've never been able to that in my entire life. But a year ago I just stopped everything. I've always had some gardens going where I grow flowers and vegetables. This is the second year now I've not planted anything at all. I lost interest in scrapbooking, in sewing, and crafting in general. I do have mobility issues with my degenerative disk disease of my spine and with my fibromyalgia. So I hurt if i move too to much and I tire easily. So I really do not do a lot. It's a challenge to complete the household chores required to keep a home clean. I do have two pets so my floors require me to do floors more often. I have a parrot who just poops wherever he is and I have a house pig that tracks her litter box material out a bit and she is a very messy eater. But besides that she is very clean. She puts her toys up in her toy box and she gathers dirty laundry and she has several blankets and she knows where she wants them and keeps them in their spots. So she is quite clean. And she is addicted to showers so she also has good Higene and knows she has to get her teeth brushed after her shower. They both like tv so we all cuddle up a lot and watch tv for long periods of time In between their meals. I so need to find my crafty side again and some energy so I can sell some o fine things I make I know they sell well when I make them and pay pretty well. I just am so depressed and sick with PTSD, DDD and Fibro and have ADD too so that makes it tough to stick with things long, that I just cannot get myself working on things.

Several years ago I was very down physically and mentally and I went to hot springs. And it restarted my entire system. I felt great for the longest time before the pain mentally and physically came back. If I could afford to go there right now I would darn sure try it to see if would reset me again. I'm so desperate to feel better.

 

[hodge]

In Minn. we could use the food support for stuff like tp. Deli foods were the exception. I'm looking forward to Wed. when you can hopefully go shopping. I would think you're going to approved for Medicaid. I applied for mine over the phone with the help of a county social worker, so it didn't take that long.

I also lost interest in things. I have lost my concentration so can't read really or sit still for a movie or even an entire TV show. This is also my second year of not planting anything. I had a few tomato plants last year only because my friend brought some over and planted them with me. It sounds, though, like your pig is a good buddy. Good pets make a huge difference.

 

[Friday]

I have no idea how I will survive until then.

:) It sounds like you've got a lot of support, people helping, & good things going for you. That can be easy to forget when you're in the thick of things & hurting.

 

[JadedGhost13]

I run a non profit charity where I save pigs. I raise funds and organize transports and medical bills. That does keep me quite busy. I have to really make myself stay at it though. I love my non profit but you know how it is when your sick it's hard to do the smallest of tasks. Thankfully were a small operation so most times I can keep up with it.

I don't really have help, I am not from here, and have not bonded with anyone. The only help I've had is from the social worker and me doing my own investigating into what I need to do and what I can do to get some help.

I woke up very early today, the nightmares were terrible. Always full of death and gore or reliving events like I'm watching a home movie. Last night they were just gore and death. So I just got out of bed instead of keeping on trying to sleep with those kind of intrusions.

Your right animals are great support. My therapist recommended a pig or a monkey for emotional support. I could not afford a monkey at the time but really wanted one so I got my pig and let me tell you she's amazing! She is smart, helpful with chores and also a great snuggle buddy and loves to kiss lol. I love teaching her new things. She learns so fast. She is a bog girl now, she's over 80# but she sleeps in my bed with me every night and wakes me up by grunting in my face when I am having a nightmare or when she's ready to get up for food and potty. My parrot is not so supportive. He bites and is grouchy all the time lol. He talks though so I do get to talk back to him.

 

[JadedGhost13]

Hodge, how long did it take for you to get the Medicaid approved and start using it? I wish I could use snap for personal needs. I was given a $20 spot from someone I know so I was able to get some toilets paper yesterday, laundry stuff and dish soaps. With my coupons it came out to just under $20. So I was cutting it close but I have a few things I need now. Now I just need some deodorant and shampoo and conditioner. It will come from somewhere I know. My need will somehow be met.

 

[Friday]

I don't really have help, I am not from here, and have not bonded with anyone. The only help I've had is from the social worker and me doing my own investigating into what I need to do and what I can do to get some help.

<grin> There may well be more... This is just from what you've posted above:

People: Social worker, receptive doctor (Xanax), therapist (not seeing at the moment but it sounds like you've got a history with them & could if necessary), Xhub (paid your mortgage & utilities), disability attorney, state rep & senator (pushing your app through & corresponding with you about it). Sounds like you might have a good medical team, too? Maybe some others? Although that's a whole lot, already.

Living Situation: You've got a home/safe place to live, with the utilities still on, which makes things a lot nicer. Just a home is great, but utilities mean not BBQ'ing in all weather & using gas station microwaves & bathrooms. A car. Food to eat. Pets to love on.

Financial : Bills taken care of at least for a little while; already have insurance & better medical coverage is in the works and you'll know within a month, Food Stamps approved, only days away there; SSDI is in the home stretch, and with your medical team/history & attorney that makes it likely; possibility for some spending money via crafting & selling clothes/other things.

Probably more good stuff around too, if you stop & think about it :) Stress so easily turns everything dark, it's just important to look for the light, IME.

_________

As far as bridging some of the gaps...

- Your doc &/or therapist should be able to write letters to the drug companies for you. With medical letters, most drug companies will supply 12mo of free meds to those in need (even though you own property & have assets that could be sold, as so many people's homes are underwater, most have nixed that as being part of their need based requirements).

- Food banks, since you have a place you can cook & utensils (pots/pans).

- Doesn't sound like you're at the nicking toilet paper & shampoo & other toiletries from hotels & other places that give away samples stage... But it's a thing to keep in mind. Food banks often have limited supplies of toiletries, as well. You can also make your own soaps & detergents, often with EBT supplies. Personally, though... Talk wih the produce guys! Avocados that aren't sellable to eat, are lovely for hair!

- Selling blood / blood plasma... I sell my blood for my son's lunch money for school. People with allergies & genetic conditions are paid significantly more than otherwise healthy people, because researchers want it more... So your spine might work in your favor for once!. Technically it's illegal to sell body parts, so it's called a donation fee or similar to get around those laws. It's one of those things where even if I *cant* drag up the energy to make something to sell! I can sit and read a book for an hour or three while they sep out the plasma.

 

[Justmehere]

Check out the site called Needy Meds - they can sometimes cover meds until Medicaid kicks in.