Lots Of Little Traumas.

[ground crew]

How old is she? (Feel less agitated, but I did just break down and smoke, so guilt and shame are back)( and the tv is down)

Wow, I am pathetic!

 

[SnowJo]

How old is she? (Feel less agitated, but I did just break down and smoke, so guilt and shame are ba...

28 with 2 boys 3years and 4 months old. I just need to be patient and learn some more skills. Just had 30 minute chat with counselor as my heart feels like it's breaking sometimes when I know my daughter's hurting but we need time apart and she doesn't handle it well and threatens to not see me etc... it doesn't last, but wow it hurts. We are overly close and I am trying to step back more and more



If you smoke... I say enjoy it. If you don't. .. enjoy that too!

 

[SnowJo]

She would want me to live with them look after her boys and be there 24x7 and I feel horribly guilty that I don't want that. I feel she wants that because it was hard it being just me and her and I had a big career so she missed me and got very lonely. .. it breaks my heart looking back. How I wish I could have done some parts better. But I can't. I love her more than anything in the world have done since the moment she was born. I need her to get a nanny and not need me anymore. So I can be there as nanna and also live my life now for me. I feel weak and heartbroken that she hurts... but I must pull back to help her become a full adult

 

[SnowJo]

We also got to do amazing stuff together. Had a month holiday every year. I drove her 4.5 hours to the mountain every weekend when she was a teenager to be in the snowboarding race team on the weekends in winter... even when it meant coming off a 10 hour flight back from Hong Kong ... I visited her in Queenstown at rookie academy, and at the ski fields in Colorado, and British Columbia when she was a snowboard instructor. I was able to afford all that because of my career. I sold my house to help her get into her own house here in Auckland and bought another around the corner for myself. I helped her establish herself as a photographer and artist and then stood aside for her hubbie to come home and run the sales and business as they are successful now... the next step is to help them find a nanny or au pair and step bavk as nana.. it's just painful as i said we have been overly close... she can't see me because me wasn't formed yet when she was growing up.. I am still forming me now. At work I seemed invincible.. it's hard to be around people because that's what they see. They don't see my struggle so I have withdrawn from most friends because it just got too painful. But by end of this year.... she will have a nanny or something and I will go back to do something and be around people again. I can I will I am ... lol

 

[SnowJo]

Btw

 

[ground crew]

Of course you will. I see that you both need this space. But maybe there is a less abrupt way to cut the apron strings? If you were there and then suddenly weren't, I can see that causing a flare up of abandonment issues. I know you need your space. is there a way to make both happen?

 

[SnowJo]

Don't beat yourself up about smoking... I say if you smoke do the cigarette. . If you don't smoke enjoy the health and financial benefits! But either way... enjoy it!!

 

[SnowJo]

Of course you will. I see that you both need this space. But maybe there is a less abrupt way to cut...

I know I want yo be there she's angry with me for an argument we had at the end of a stressful day for her. I need more skills in how to say things so ot doesn't hurt her as she's very sensitive and that's ok.. I know she will forgive me and I want to be there... it needs to be gradual.over the next 4-5 months

 

[SnowJo]

Don't beat yourself up about smoking... I say if you smoke do the cigarette. . If you don't smoke enjoy t...

I got hypnosis for quitting about 10 years ago... it was hilarious I say in the car smoking 3 cigarettes hating him before going in to concede I was ready to quit. Lol... you know what made me want yo quit.. my dogs didn't like the smell... they have super sensitive noses, plus I needed to be able to walk.long distances...

 

[ground crew]

That sounds better. I envy you baby time. I miss holding my babies, and no grand kids on the horizon.

 

[ground crew]

my lungs were so much better after just a couple of days without smoking. I should not let her get in my head.

women have all kinds of support when they are abused and ready to get out of the relationship. Not enough I know. but men got nothing for support. And saying your a victim of a woman makes you a laughing stock.
so shame comes in to add to the general misery. and if you act out, then it confirms that you are a stereo typical male, violent and angry and should be locked up. Not that there has ever been a doubt about anybody's safety but I did say hurtful things. After giving up a career and going bankrupt. and losing everything. Now she acts the victim. She should be disbarred.

 

[SnowJo]

my lungs were so much better after just a couple of days without smoking. I should not let her get i...

I hear you... but for me I don't. .. people see me as bulletproof. Probably what happens to most men. They see me as strong and invincible... I could never go to one of those places because it would mean I was telling myself my victim past defined me and I am too much of a fighter... but I struggle sooo badly inside. Imagine her inside the snowglobe whenever it bothers you