How Do You Cope With Ending Therapy, If You Love Your Therapist?

[Deleted member 29920]

So last year I sort of fell for my therapist, I didn't tell her how I felt then we had to quite abruptly end therapy when I remembered things and developed ptsd symptoms and I don't want to go back to her. How do you cope with these feelings when you know you can't ever be with them, and worse, knowing at some point you'll never see them ever again?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think 'love' & therapy are different things, surely? It's a professional service provided. But I could see extreme gratitude ( &/or horror at the info they'd know about me).

On the other hand, I know people have said that before.

I can only say for myself when it's reversed (eg married men, people at work ie client's famiily members etc) I tell them they are good people, just misunderstood/ down/ tired etc. To go back to their wife. Perhaps you are feeling in some way like that?

For me, 'love' is very different. I can 'love' anyone I want to because there is no expectation, it is only wishing them the best.

 

[Friday]

I don't think I've ever fully grokked the 'never see them again' thing. Not if they're still breathing. Anyone I want to see? I can. I love people all over this durn globe. Most I'll probably never see again, but first off that's my choice. And secondly if I really wanted to? I could. Dead people sort of piss me off, this way. Yo! You're effing up my world view here, you lazy mthrfkr! Die on me? Gah. <insert swearish rant here>. ((The irony is that half the time I just assume anyone I don't have eyes on is already dead. Saves time.))

I come from an age before cell-phones and skype. Long distance phone calls were $10 a minute, with modern numbers making that value easily twice or triple that. Writing was the only way to stay in touch, and quite frankly, I didn't. I'm a lousy correspondent. What I am good at... Then & now... Is tracking people down. I can find just about anyone. So, nah. Seeing someone again? They'd have to be dead.

Having them not be part of my life is harder, regardless of what I want. Boyfriends I've loved, friends I've loved? So many people are no longer part of my life. And that is life. Our lives move in different directions. It's right, and as it should be, but I don't have to like it.

Therapy is, in part, supposed to be practice for real life. And that's a piece of it. That great teacher, that good friend, the old flame...we lose good people from our lives. Not because they're bad, or we are, but because our lives diverge. Normal, healthy, part of living.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I am the same @FridayJones , out of sight= out of mind= dead, really. I don't do death well though, & never feel assured of "Heaven" (I believe it exists but don't know if I'll get there. Plus, 'tuning it out'/ trying to 'forget' reminders of the person/relationship makes me wonder if I'd even recognize them? And if so, if they'd be so angry at my willful tuning-out they'd not want to see me anyway. :( Crazy. Beliefs.)

That being said, I'm not sure.. My whole life I've lived 'disposably'. It has left me feeling not even human anymore. I realize nothing is permanent, but it amazes (& makes me feel sad & alone sometimes) that others have a sense of security/ permanency/ not-aloneness, my life is empty, with no sense of anything having the ability to last. I am as disposable as it.

I think I have to learn the opposite. :(

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Imagining she is dead actually sounds quite helpful, I might try that. I guess a big part of it is no one has ever listened to me and tried to help me solve my problems so losing that was difficult and left me feeling abandoned and lost and invisible.

 

[Friday]

Imagining people are dead... Not exactly part of healthy living, I don't think. Lol. That's something I work on not doing.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Lol, it hurts less than knowing she is alive and I'll never see her again. :dead:

I'm not sure I should have used the word love, maybe infatuated...

 

[Rumors]

Are you in love with her or in love with the idea somebody cared enough about you to listen? I wonder if you should find a new therapist and see if it can help you work through those feelings and understand them better... Good luck. I imagine that is a pretty lonely feeling. Wish I could help!!!

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I think you just hit the nail on the head, @Rumors, I am in love with the idea of some one caring enough to listen and help, I might try to discuss it when NHS finally give me a new T. :tup:

 

[scout86]

Yo! You're effing up my world view here, you lazy mthrfkr! Die on me?

Boy are there a few people I'd like to say THAT to!

@Cj77 I think you figured out what's going on. Realize that there's a pretty good chance that there are MORE people out in the world who will care enough to listen to you and take an interest in you. Most of them are not therapists even. There's no reason people shouldn't feel that way.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Boy are there a few people I'd like to say THAT to!

there's a pretty good chance that there are MORE people out in the world who will care enough to listen to you and take an interest in you. Most of them are not therapists even.

Lol @scout86, me too! I think the way I was rejected just because I remembered things and couldn't make changes is what hurt me the most. It felt like she was saying I was useless or inadequate. Therapy HURTS! You have all really helped me with your thoughts on this :hug:

Hopefully I will meet non therapists in the future who care about me :)

 

[scout86]

@Cj77 , you already have. You met us! :)