General Medical Fraternity Stressing Me Out

[Sighs]

My vet has some physical injuries from his service. DVA will pay for his treatment. But trying to actually get his medical needs met has become a nightmare. Stuffed around by this doctor, stuffed around by that doctor.

What drives me mad is that he downplays all his symptoms in front of the doctors and it makes me look like some kind of psycho.

Eg:
Doctor: Do you have pain in your neck?
Him: No, not really.
Me: What? How come the other day you had to stop doing xyz because you had shooting pains in your neck and down your arms?
Him: Well, yeah, I do have that sometimes.
Doctor: Have you ever injured your neck?
HIm: No
Me: What? What about that time in Afghanistan where you fell down a 3m cliff?
Him: Well, yeah. I hit my head and my neck was pretty sore for a couple of weeks.
Doctor: (with smirk on his face) Sounds like your neck pain bothers someone else far more than it bothers you!

So tempted to reach across the desk, smash doctor's head into his fancy wood paneled desk and scream "Listen buddy, you wanna live with a bear with a sore head / combat PTSD sufferer with a literal pain in the neck???"

Getting sick of pushing for treatment. I told him before we started this debacle that I would fight the doctors and the hospital but that I would not fight him. Feel undermined and made to look stupid.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Use your cell phone to covertly record him griping about his injuries, or throwing some sort of tantrum. Then, replay it for the doctor.

 

[Sighs]

@Whispering_Truth - Not sure how that would help. My aim in this is to support him and help him not embarrass or humiliate or anger him.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

@Whispering_Truth - Not sure how that would help. My aim in this is to support him and...

He is going to have to be honest and upfront about all of his problems, not play them down. Otherwise, you are just wasting your energy.

 

[Sighs]

Yup - and right now that is exactly what I feel I am doing. But I'm not going to force the issue. There are all sorts of reasons why he downplays his symptoms and I'm not going to be in the position of nagging shrew. Its his barrow - he has to push it.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Yup - and right now that is exactly what I feel I am doing. But I'm not going to force the issue. There...

Yes, otherwise, you will just look foolish and overbearing--like you said. Best to back off a bit. Sometimes, "tough love" is the best medicine.

 

[Friday]

I post on here sometimes that my "everything" hurts.

Really, I'm not that bad comparatively. I've got all my parts in relatively well working order.

Honestly? My body is a broken down mess. I need at least 3 corrective surgeries and a bunch of other nonsense. It seriously f*cks with my self esteem. I need my body to be working well, on several levels.

Where the doctor thing comes into play... Aside from years of ingrained "I'm fine!" meaning I'm about as willing to tell a doctor I'm hurt and should have my flight status revoked :cautious::shifty: (no), or shouldn't take the next job, or should be benched, or (life death stuff) am too f*cked up to keep moving, or (self esteem stuff) too f*cked up to help someone... Ugh. Admitting weakness, even when I'm trying to get help??? Really freaking difficult. Anyhow, aside from being the biggest obstacle in my own path because of past lives stuff that is no longer true...

In an average moment? I have no idea where I hurt, or how often, or what the intensity is.

I hurt. Almost all the time. Somewhere. Sometimes most places. And I ignore it. Unless it's acute, I actively don't think about it. Combine that with not being willing to admit weaknesses? I walk into the doctors office, generally feeling amazing (runners high, almost) with a completely blank mind. :banghead: Not. Useful.

To work around my own self... What I've had to do is actually write down what hurts, when, & why... As it comes up. If I do that for about a month? Especially in winter? Snort. I've got my list of "complaints". I have to do it when I'm pissed off, because I'm actually in pain that damn moment before it fades into the general hurt of my "everything", or I feel like a whiny little bitch... And it just doesn't happen. Suck it up. Gut up. HTFU.... LOL, and then it took me another couple months before I remembered to bring the list in with me. I swear, I go absolutely brain dead around doctors. It's ridiculous.

Anyhow, just a thought.

_____________

<chuckling> There's a cognitive distortion list floating around here somewhere, and this is actually on it; minimizing. I'm not that bad. I'm fine.

 

[Kefira]

I hurt. Almost all the time. Somewhere. Sometimes most places. And I ignore it. Unless it's acute, I actively don't think about it.

This. Even if I'm willing to admit how much I need help, often I don't know. I was on opiates for a while for a specific issue. They barely touched that particular pain but I was in awe of how all of a sudden my everything else didn't hurt. Same thing with a muscle relaxer for a tmj issue - you mean THIS is what it's like not to have my back and shoulders so tensed up and painful it causes daily tension headaches and vision issues?

Sometimes it's not even so much actively downplaying it as having a skewed sense of what normal is.

Happens in therapy too. I'll mention something in passing and my T will be like "why didn't you tell me that when you first came in?" and there's a really awkward moment where I'm like "oh, that's information you needed? I thought everyone did/thought/experienced that".

He may also be being stubborn and shooting himself in the foot. In that case, tough love all the way- his stuff is not yours. But maybe you could work on keeping a list you go over BEFORE going into the doctors. That way you've had the discussion, arguments can be had privately, maybe you could feel less responsible during the appointment, and you might get a better idea of what's driving his behavior. He might just really not feel it's worth complaining about when he's in front of the professional. I know for me I could be bleeding out of my ear for days, but put me in front of a Dr. and by default I'm fine, nothing wrong here. Having a talk with someone beforehand and getting validation that I should be seeking help has gone a long way for me.

 

[Ronin]

^ And that.

I had to find a doctor I trust first, so they can tell me what to do with things like pain. Safe people to order me health care, basically. Because if I don't have that, formal of some type, or else, network? I'll always be 'good enough', no matter how bad it gets. And it will always be 'there's -other people- who need help /first/, leave me the f*ck alone, go help them, I /insist/'.

One area where I'm my worst enemy.

('Always' not meaning for time; just how stubborn I'm with that particular distortion, and how slowly moving it out; descriptive more than stating unchangeable.)

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ug @Sighs ... my vet does the exact same thing.

Where the doctor thing comes into play... Aside from years of ingrained "I'm fine!" meaning I'm about as willing to tell a doctor I'm hurt and should have my flight status revoked :cautious::shifty: (no), or shouldn't take the next job, or should be benched, or (life death stuff) am too f*cked up to keep moving, or (self esteem stuff) too f*cked up to help someone... Ugh. Admitting weakness, even when I'm trying to get help??? Really freaking difficult. Anyhow, aside from being the biggest obstacle in my own path because of past lives stuff that is no longer true...

I think it is like this for a lot of vets... good to go, shut up and ruck on. Don't be the pussy, etc. All well and good, but if they are combat injured, they are combat injured, and it has to be taken care of eventually! It's so different looking from the outside in.

It is frustrating as the supporter because you are so concerned for your partner's health, and if OZ takes care of it's vets like the American VA, it is a whole other level of frustration. Nothing like wanting to kick a VA doctor in the face while having a primal scream fit. :mad:

It's a hard line to walk, trying not to Mama-bear and micromanage. Especially when you just want them to be taken care of. Hats off to you for not smashing anybody's head into a desk.

 

[Ronin]

Nothing like wanting to kick a VA doctor in the face while having a primal scream fit. :mad:

On another hand... that might improve the state of vet health care, natural doctor selection.

/done with fun poking, sorry ladies & gents

 

[Peach]

Tater loves him some UFC. I know he'd like a few rounds with a few docs.:sneaky: