Don't Touch Me.

[Ariane]

I had this recently with someone I will have to see regularly...she said last time I saw her that she is...

Yes, I think you should tell her. Maybe just the basics to start? And if she continues, then more of an in depth conversation about it? Maybe that will help.

 

[ghotiff]

Maybe just the basics to start?

The issue I have with saying "the basics" is that my abuse has been invalidated my whole life and given her relationship to my family I can't risk this. So, I either tell her in such a way that it shocks and apauls her, or I say nothing.

As I write this, I realise I can't tell her. I value my relationship with my siblings and if they knew and invalidated it (as basically everyone has done) it would destroy the relationship....not worth the risk.

I just wish she'd hear my "no".

 

[Ronin]

I'm sorry, at the present time I'm having a hard time comprehending things, I'm not mentally here at all....

No problem and no apologies needed, I understand.

What I meant is that your family members are wrong. You are affectionate, but that does not mean anyone's entitled to your body, or that your affection exists for them to be exploited, if this is a better explanation. Basically saying they have no right to act entitled to your body.

And if it is how THEY show affection? Still, it's their problem. If it isn't something you are comfortable with, they need to work on boundaries, and understand not everyone is them, and respect it.

 

[Ariane]

No problem and no apologies needed, I understand.

What I meant is that your family members are wrong. You...

Thank you very much, :hug: I needed that. Thank you.

 

[Ariane]

The issue I have with saying "the basics" is that my abuse has been invalidated my whole life and given...

I'm so sorry that's been happening to you :( my mother refuses to believe it too. Tells me it was all in my head. It's awful, not having family believe you or understand how terrible and awful it is. :hug:

 

[Ronin]

@Ariane, it's not in your head (well, in a literal sense, since our brains ARE in our head, it is, but not in the sense those people mean to dismiss others' experience). She's lucky she doesn't have to deal with similar problems, though I'm sorry she's having so minimizing and downright unhelpful commentary to you.

 

[Pilgrim]

When someone comes at me for a hug I don't want, now I know I can raise up my arm to block their advance, and walk off, from them. Do that enough, they 'should' eventually get the point. With no broken bones necessary...