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This is not a criticism or judgement of the use of antidepressants or other meds in the management of symptoms, nor is it intended as a debate starter of the subject or of the pros and cons of meds. I am a believer in 'if you find something that works for you, use it'. It is just a personal accomplishment for me to be off, and stayed off, meds* for this length of time.
I was on a combination of two SNRIs (mirtazapine and duloxetine) for around three years. I was never particularly happy with my decision to go on them but I do think that, for me, it was a necessary step at the time, and probably the thing that made it possible for me to find my path into therapy. I don't know if I would have been able to motivate myself enough to do that without meds, and no one was going to do it for me. I think at the time I went on them they probably helped to cap my emotions and keep me safer (from myself) than I would have been off them. So I guess they bought me a bit of time to find another way through.
In the longer term though, I didn't feel that the benefits of them, for me, outweighed the more negative effects I experienced from them, and I was feeling more and more that the capping of emotions, that had been necessary initially, was now more of a hindrance than a help and getting in my way in therapy.
Coming off them has been no more of a magical fix than going on them was, but I don't think I am any worse off them than I was on them, and I feel like I have been better able to engage with therapy since I came off. It's possible that that would have been the natural progression of things anyway just based on time and the building of the therapeutic relationship, I don't know. I do know that I am pleased to have been able to take this break from meds to be able to assess where I am at without them.
I'm not sure if it will be a permanent thing. I am a long way from 'fixed' or in a place I am comfortable and there may well be a point in the future where I decide that I have gone as far as I can with therapy and that it wasn't enough. But for now.....ONE YEAR!!!!! :D
*just to add in the last month or so I have been using nytol (diphenhydramine) for sleep to give me a break from chronic insomnia, so when I say 'off meds' I am referring to the antidepressants I was on. Sleep has been an on going problem though throughout.*
I was on a combination of two SNRIs (mirtazapine and duloxetine) for around three years. I was never particularly happy with my decision to go on them but I do think that, for me, it was a necessary step at the time, and probably the thing that made it possible for me to find my path into therapy. I don't know if I would have been able to motivate myself enough to do that without meds, and no one was going to do it for me. I think at the time I went on them they probably helped to cap my emotions and keep me safer (from myself) than I would have been off them. So I guess they bought me a bit of time to find another way through.
In the longer term though, I didn't feel that the benefits of them, for me, outweighed the more negative effects I experienced from them, and I was feeling more and more that the capping of emotions, that had been necessary initially, was now more of a hindrance than a help and getting in my way in therapy.
Coming off them has been no more of a magical fix than going on them was, but I don't think I am any worse off them than I was on them, and I feel like I have been better able to engage with therapy since I came off. It's possible that that would have been the natural progression of things anyway just based on time and the building of the therapeutic relationship, I don't know. I do know that I am pleased to have been able to take this break from meds to be able to assess where I am at without them.
I'm not sure if it will be a permanent thing. I am a long way from 'fixed' or in a place I am comfortable and there may well be a point in the future where I decide that I have gone as far as I can with therapy and that it wasn't enough. But for now.....ONE YEAR!!!!! :D
*just to add in the last month or so I have been using nytol (diphenhydramine) for sleep to give me a break from chronic insomnia, so when I say 'off meds' I am referring to the antidepressants I was on. Sleep has been an on going problem though throughout.*
