Poll Is Your Thinking Compartmentalized?

[Dylan]

Hello everyone,

I have extremely compartmentalized thinking. I thought I'd read that this can be common in PTSD, but not sure. It's not black-and-white thinking, more like experiences are each filed away in a little box and put away. When I'm called to remember something, I have to go and 'open the box' and sometimes I can't even find the box. For example, I went to a therapy appointment and we started on an issue - not even a highly charged one. The next week the counselor asked me about it and I kept fishing around for clues because it was 'put away' and I had to have a thread to go find it.

Another example, if I spend time around someone and we become comfortable friends, but then I don't see them for a week, when I see them again I have to reorient, as if I never knew them. I'm very guarded and cautious. I know it's baffling for people in relating to me. I put all the experiences of that person 'in a box' and it takes new experiences to get a thread back to the box.

If you have worked with this....have you had success in 'relaxing the compartment walls' at all?

Thanks-
-Dylan

 

[Dylan]

Rats, forgot to post the poll selections. I've requested a fix from moderation.

Sorry about that....

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Dylan

I added a poll for you. Please let me know if it is not what you wanted.

Nicolette

 

[Marlene]

I used to completely comparmentalize my life. It was the only I could live it. Once the PTSD mixed all of the compartments up, I've had to learn to try and live with all parts of my life integrated.

I do find that some of the more stressful parts (current and past) get put in a box without thinking.

Lisa

 

[2quilt]

I am working on that very thing. I think that people are hurting me on purpose, that they try to hurt me instead of being careless. I take things very personally.

 

[nic]

I didn't vote in the poll because I'm not really sure. Is this sort of the reasoning behind the Internal Family Systems model of therapy? (I'm still not really sure what that is, but my new T says something about various parts and a whole...who knows.)

 

[cyndi]

Yeah, I have little file folders-if I'm trying to access info., I actually visualize a rolodex of folders I'm flipping through at lightening speed. Making new folders is hard, and is one my main frustrations from the latest trauma I experienced: I can't file it, makes very little sense to my brain, plus I can only remember parts and have no time frame reference on when it all happened over a year and a half. I used to be more black and white in my thinking, realized I have to accept the varied tones of grey in life. (does that make sense?) I'm a painter, so tend to go off on creative visual tangents... :)

As far as "relaxing" the walls, it seems accepting the undefined, the unfilable, the grey areas is a key...?

 

[Dylan]

Hi Nic -

Mmm, not sure. I'm not really talking about compartmentalizing parts [of myself].

I compartmentalize all my experiences. The more symptomatic I am, the worse it gets. All past experiences are shut off behind a door, into separate chunks. There's not a sense of continuity or holistic-ness to my life experience. It's sort of like, consciously anyway, living in an endless present because the past is so separate (it was also recently brought to my attention that I make no plans for the future, either).

Someone can say, "Hey, remember...." and I may remember that one thing, but it's not related to anything else, and after that memory has been brought up, everything snaps shut again. It's like the past is a void; it only exists when a memory is specifically called on. Otherwise, it's like I could have been born yesterday, with the lack of a sense of history (and the depth and richness of a sense of self and life that comes with it) that I seem to have.

It's difficult to explain....and maybe it's just me, and not PTSD related.

-Dylan

 

[cyndi]

My honey says he is like a goldfish-wakes up in a new world everyday. I like that spin on it. :)

 

[Salu]

Not quite as complex as yours, but I do that too sometimes with some memories and experiences that I feel bad about. Makes it easier to accept myself and live I guess.

 

[stephanie]

Yes. Yes. Yes. I organize it and file it all away. I am extremely black-and-white too though.

 

[Robyn]

Starting To Wonder

I know this sounds kind of weird..especially to me. I'm starting to wonder if there is not such a thing as closet PTSD? I seem to identify a lot with the sufferers on here, not because of their experiences, but because of their symptoms. Such as compartmentalizing.

My biggest example of this is that once I leave work, I leave it almost completely. I don't bring home any of the events of the day unless they upset me or threaten my home life. I don't have anyone at work that has any connection with me outside of work.

Also, I don't take home to work. Sometimes my sufferer and I will get into a blowout in the mornings before I leave...I will struggle to tuck it away somewhere until after work. This usually works unless DH is having a particularly bad day and I worry though trying to work. When the PTSD was at it's peak, I would attempt to work through tears and the frustration that the "compartment" wouldn't stay shut.

My point being...I don't think this would be because of Secondary PTSD as I've done it all my life. So either a) it's a "normal" thing or b) I have closet PTSD. This, among other symptoms that have been brought up, have been making me wonder.

Perhaps PTSD is normalisy taken to the extreme or normal is suffering PTSD to various degrees. Sheesh, this is giving me a headache. I think I need a nap :)

HUGS
Robyn (Carer only?)