littleoc
VIP Member
Hi :) You have been banned, and that part I won't discuss. If you see this, you know what happened.
I just wanted to add something that I think could help you, if you ever see this. I wanted to add it to your "Politically incorrect" post, but then you were banned, and by the time I decided that I should say it anyway, I realized that the thread had been locked -- for good reason. No need to discuss that either, obviously.
I'm only writing this because (1) IF you happen to ever see this, it could be helpful if you really take it in, (2) it could help another member see cognitive distortion examples in another individual, and (3) because it helps me to do so. This has been troubling me.
So, you were saying that you are not homophobic. I believed you, though I meant that I don't believe you were trying to be. I hopefully made that clear though I was less blunt in my other posts about it. I believe you were trying to make sense of something awful and found an unhealthy way to do this. It seems as though everyone was trying to tell you as much.
You were, for example, using phrases like "gay strangeness" to refer to gay people and their threatening behavior. You were calling all your attackers homosexual as if it completely defined them, even after it was pointed out several times that sexuality had nothing to do with the control and violence people were causing. Some were likely not even gay. And being gay alone would not make them violent. I'm sorry it happened to you, truly, and sorry you feel so rejected, but it was a distortion.
You weren't trying to be offensive consciously, but it happened. If you had replaced sexuality with race? You would have been banned the day you wrote this introduction. I didn't want to say that in your other post because I felt it wouldn't be helpful, but... I changed my mind. I was hurt that you assumed those kind so of things -- mostly, that you were hurting yourself when you were meaning to make the others evil.
So, to elaborate on my thoughts that I only partially put into your "Politically incorrect" post:
I told you here in this introduction, I was kidnapped by a Native American. He has not been arrested. I was kidnapped at the age of 10 and was allowed to come home often, but was expected to go back after school until the sun went down. It was awful. When I was older -- a teenager maybe -- I saw him standing in my front yard. I live in the same neighborhood as I have all my childhood. I am facial blind and fear any person standing in my yard. Any black haired man. Anyone with rat tail hair styles. Anyone following me in a blue truck.
I want you to look around this forum and notice something. I DO NOT go around this forum talking about Native Americans and how their existance frightens me. Wouldn't that be messed up if I did? How would that help me? How would that not confuse every member in this forum who wanted to help me -- or themselves?
And no, it's not because I feel like I can't mention it because it's politically incorrect. That hasn't even crossed my mind. Literally never. (The first time it EVER showed up even slightly in that context on this forum ANYWHERE was because it was in this introduction, and I wanted you to know that you weren't alone in that kind of situation -- but even afterward you seemed to have not heard me -- you heard what you wanted to hear.) It's because it doesn't help and frankly I would be lying to myself and missing out on perfectly good (actually, GREAT and amazing) friendships and my own journey if I excluded an ENTIRE group of human beings because of something one human did. I know in your case it was multiple, and I will remind you that despite your beliefs while you were here, it doesn't seem like everyone who assaulted you was gay. It was a distortion you we're having.
To be perfectly honest with you, I didn't even know that my kidnapper, who was my neighbor from before I was born to until I was maybe twelve, was Native American. I knew his religion was different. But the identity of an attacker wasn't important. When police asked about his race when I was forteen, I just stared at them. It wasn't the part I remembered. It wasn't the part that mattered. Sure, maybe it was the face blindness thing, but focusing on an evil person's personal identity? No bueno.
The actual human beings I've met who were Native American were nothing like him. And I've never used a sentence like that until I wrote it here -- because it's a useless statement. Who even cares if he was gay, or Jewish, or identified as a squirrel? I've had to remind myself that he was, and I far only the religion has made me uncomfortable -- though with friends who believed it, I did okay. Because I didn't have that distortion that they were all out to be lovers with a kid.
And. To clarify why I understood what you meant by political incorrectness, in my personal situation. I really do understand, or otherwise I probably wouldn't have been SO drawn to write this.
It was politically incorrect because he was Native American, like I said.
He wasn't a white man, who already has a good reputation for insane crimes. He wasn't a black man or a Mexican or a Guatemalan or South American, who my racist neighbors INSISTED must be the real perpetrators of such an infamous crime. Because they are under the *distorted* belief that people who aren't pink and who don't sunburn easily are more sexually evil. What they believe is utterly awful, unhelpful, damaging, and preventing them from becoming friends with human beings who happen to have been born with that ethnicity.
It was politically incorrect for the Same. Exact. Reason you were up against. You said that people didn't want to believe that a gay couple assaulted you, because they didn't want to believe that gay people were humans also capable of awful things like the rest of us. You got no help because they wanted to hide that sometimes gay people can be dangerous -- because they feared people who would say that all gay people are dangerous (as you accidentally ended up doing -- what good they did preventing those thoughts, huh? Still doesn't mean you need to think all gay people are dangerous to your health).
Same thing in my case. No one wanted a Native American to be able to be as evil the white people. But it didn't mean that at all. They were wrong. They caused so much more damage in denial, than if they had instead listened and helped me.
That, and, just like gay people, Native Americans have been unfairly prosecuted -- in my opinion (which is not meant to be up for discussion), worse than homosexuals have been. My house is built on what used to be a Native American hunting ground, then a scary reservation-type-thing, then a stolen land. My kidnapper frequently had problems with the same distortion -- justifying himself as not evil by explaining to me that my Europeans ancestors deserved it.
Which wasn't actually accurate, because more than half of me is Russian -- goes to show how useless and hurtful these distortions really are. When he realized I was human just like him, he broke down and let me go forever. It haunts me.
But the truth was, a person hurt me, and it should never have been validated. A person hurt you, and it should never have been validated. That's all there is to it.
I'm sorry you had such distortions ever in your life. I know it hurts and it's an easy thing to turn to, but I hope by the time you ever see this -- *IF* you ever see this -- you will have moved past this. You don't get any better by gift wrapping the hate others have given you and giving it to others.
I wish you would have been at a place to have heard me while you were on this forum, because this much pain is hard to bare. It really is. That's probably why this reply-to-happen has been weighing on me, why it was so hard to type, and why I cried while typing it. I understand what you have been through, and wish we could have talked more. You weren't healthy enough or in a good enough place to while you were here -- so I hope you're getting help and moving on and letting go of that hate in you. It did nothing good for anyone.
I just wanted to add something that I think could help you, if you ever see this. I wanted to add it to your "Politically incorrect" post, but then you were banned, and by the time I decided that I should say it anyway, I realized that the thread had been locked -- for good reason. No need to discuss that either, obviously.
I'm only writing this because (1) IF you happen to ever see this, it could be helpful if you really take it in, (2) it could help another member see cognitive distortion examples in another individual, and (3) because it helps me to do so. This has been troubling me.
So, you were saying that you are not homophobic. I believed you, though I meant that I don't believe you were trying to be. I hopefully made that clear though I was less blunt in my other posts about it. I believe you were trying to make sense of something awful and found an unhealthy way to do this. It seems as though everyone was trying to tell you as much.
You were, for example, using phrases like "gay strangeness" to refer to gay people and their threatening behavior. You were calling all your attackers homosexual as if it completely defined them, even after it was pointed out several times that sexuality had nothing to do with the control and violence people were causing. Some were likely not even gay. And being gay alone would not make them violent. I'm sorry it happened to you, truly, and sorry you feel so rejected, but it was a distortion.
You weren't trying to be offensive consciously, but it happened. If you had replaced sexuality with race? You would have been banned the day you wrote this introduction. I didn't want to say that in your other post because I felt it wouldn't be helpful, but... I changed my mind. I was hurt that you assumed those kind so of things -- mostly, that you were hurting yourself when you were meaning to make the others evil.
So, to elaborate on my thoughts that I only partially put into your "Politically incorrect" post:
I told you here in this introduction, I was kidnapped by a Native American. He has not been arrested. I was kidnapped at the age of 10 and was allowed to come home often, but was expected to go back after school until the sun went down. It was awful. When I was older -- a teenager maybe -- I saw him standing in my front yard. I live in the same neighborhood as I have all my childhood. I am facial blind and fear any person standing in my yard. Any black haired man. Anyone with rat tail hair styles. Anyone following me in a blue truck.
I want you to look around this forum and notice something. I DO NOT go around this forum talking about Native Americans and how their existance frightens me. Wouldn't that be messed up if I did? How would that help me? How would that not confuse every member in this forum who wanted to help me -- or themselves?
And no, it's not because I feel like I can't mention it because it's politically incorrect. That hasn't even crossed my mind. Literally never. (The first time it EVER showed up even slightly in that context on this forum ANYWHERE was because it was in this introduction, and I wanted you to know that you weren't alone in that kind of situation -- but even afterward you seemed to have not heard me -- you heard what you wanted to hear.) It's because it doesn't help and frankly I would be lying to myself and missing out on perfectly good (actually, GREAT and amazing) friendships and my own journey if I excluded an ENTIRE group of human beings because of something one human did. I know in your case it was multiple, and I will remind you that despite your beliefs while you were here, it doesn't seem like everyone who assaulted you was gay. It was a distortion you we're having.
To be perfectly honest with you, I didn't even know that my kidnapper, who was my neighbor from before I was born to until I was maybe twelve, was Native American. I knew his religion was different. But the identity of an attacker wasn't important. When police asked about his race when I was forteen, I just stared at them. It wasn't the part I remembered. It wasn't the part that mattered. Sure, maybe it was the face blindness thing, but focusing on an evil person's personal identity? No bueno.
The actual human beings I've met who were Native American were nothing like him. And I've never used a sentence like that until I wrote it here -- because it's a useless statement. Who even cares if he was gay, or Jewish, or identified as a squirrel? I've had to remind myself that he was, and I far only the religion has made me uncomfortable -- though with friends who believed it, I did okay. Because I didn't have that distortion that they were all out to be lovers with a kid.
And. To clarify why I understood what you meant by political incorrectness, in my personal situation. I really do understand, or otherwise I probably wouldn't have been SO drawn to write this.
It was politically incorrect because he was Native American, like I said.
He wasn't a white man, who already has a good reputation for insane crimes. He wasn't a black man or a Mexican or a Guatemalan or South American, who my racist neighbors INSISTED must be the real perpetrators of such an infamous crime. Because they are under the *distorted* belief that people who aren't pink and who don't sunburn easily are more sexually evil. What they believe is utterly awful, unhelpful, damaging, and preventing them from becoming friends with human beings who happen to have been born with that ethnicity.
It was politically incorrect for the Same. Exact. Reason you were up against. You said that people didn't want to believe that a gay couple assaulted you, because they didn't want to believe that gay people were humans also capable of awful things like the rest of us. You got no help because they wanted to hide that sometimes gay people can be dangerous -- because they feared people who would say that all gay people are dangerous (as you accidentally ended up doing -- what good they did preventing those thoughts, huh? Still doesn't mean you need to think all gay people are dangerous to your health).
Same thing in my case. No one wanted a Native American to be able to be as evil the white people. But it didn't mean that at all. They were wrong. They caused so much more damage in denial, than if they had instead listened and helped me.
That, and, just like gay people, Native Americans have been unfairly prosecuted -- in my opinion (which is not meant to be up for discussion), worse than homosexuals have been. My house is built on what used to be a Native American hunting ground, then a scary reservation-type-thing, then a stolen land. My kidnapper frequently had problems with the same distortion -- justifying himself as not evil by explaining to me that my Europeans ancestors deserved it.
Which wasn't actually accurate, because more than half of me is Russian -- goes to show how useless and hurtful these distortions really are. When he realized I was human just like him, he broke down and let me go forever. It haunts me.
But the truth was, a person hurt me, and it should never have been validated. A person hurt you, and it should never have been validated. That's all there is to it.
I'm sorry you had such distortions ever in your life. I know it hurts and it's an easy thing to turn to, but I hope by the time you ever see this -- *IF* you ever see this -- you will have moved past this. You don't get any better by gift wrapping the hate others have given you and giving it to others.
I wish you would have been at a place to have heard me while you were on this forum, because this much pain is hard to bare. It really is. That's probably why this reply-to-happen has been weighing on me, why it was so hard to type, and why I cried while typing it. I understand what you have been through, and wish we could have talked more. You weren't healthy enough or in a good enough place to while you were here -- so I hope you're getting help and moving on and letting go of that hate in you. It did nothing good for anyone.
