The Act Of Teaching Others

[xraydave]

I suffered abuse at the hands of a teacher and i'm slowly realizing this alongside psychologists that this has been something of a repressed memory, and it fits in with other memories which were traumatic and may have allowed for it to be repressed and more unclear, as these other family related traumatic memories growing up, were i feel, pushing it more inside my unconscious. (I'm a Freud lover).

anyway, i feel more extroverted and social online, but i am like you, i have the tendency to move inward and just destroy potential relationships, friendships, achievements in many different fields.

although, i think the problem i'm trying to communicate here is that i have a tendency to now teach others, like i have an unconscious uncontrollable compulsion to try and teach others. i gather a research database, and i use it, i make sure others understand and know. i'm scared this is strange and unrelatable much like all the other pains i've gathered.

i think it's also because when we try to teach others, we put ourselves in the role of the teacher (someone who is in authority, someone who knows, someone who has their shit together). and so it is really anxiety-relieving. so whenever, we try to teach, and place ourselves in that role, we might muck the truth up, or we might just make relationships unbearable for people. or leave people confused and likely to leave us entirely.

anyway, i'm thinking about it while writing this, and even writing helps me think through these problems. and yeah it's just another problem, but i want to know if anyone has an understanding of this? it gets worse when i'm talking on forums like this one... it really does. :S

 

[Go Hungry]

Ah.. Gotcha. Took a few reads, but I think I know what you are getting at. It's like.. you feel a compulsion to 'educate' others, but what you're really doing is more akin to 'Lording it over others." Like you're being manipulative while trying to "help" others, who don't need your help, nor your opinion, at all.

I did this ALL THE TIME when I was younger. I still feel inclined to do it now, to share my wisdom, as it were. But in reality I have to ask myself... What do I know? What makes me so much more qualified that the person who I'm talking to? In some cases, I am... I mean, I have a minor in psychology, so I've got a little tiny bit of 'legitimate' knowledge in that area. But still... what makes me so important that I can dictate what others should do, right?

It's a nasty trap, because everyone wants to be helpful, you know? And yet some use the opportunity to be of help as a way to manipulate others.. Often they don't even know that they are doing it... At least I didn't know, at first. Took a long time of introspection, plus some help from an Emilie Autumn song to figure it out..

 

[xraydave]

Ah.. Gotcha. Took a few reads, but I think I know what you are getting at. It's like.. you feel a comp...

do you think it's manipulation? :unsure: i always have this fear that i am really projecting all these Narcissistic abuser-attitudes. well, psychological manipulation is one of the narc abuser attitudes or cognitions.

but on the other hand, maybe it's just a phase of growing up for us ptsd kids. that also makes sense, because you would want to find more and more ways to relieve the anxiety.

anyway, thanks for the support. i will make use of the questioning and try to identify when i'm doing this next time.

 

[Go Hungry]

do you think it's manipulation? :unsure: i always have this fear that i am really projecting all these...

Well, yeah... sorta. I was speaking of the simply human tendency to wish to 'help' others, and how easily it is to find yourself trying to sway their opinion towards your own. Not saying anything about you as an individual... I was also generalizing too. Were you speaking of a specific topic of instruction?

 

[xraydave]

Well, yeah... sorta. I was speaking of the simply human tendency to wish to 'help' others, and how eas...

erm no. well i was speaking about just how i tend to reenact my own traumas i guess. like by teaching. i thought it would have been more connected to that. because it is compulsive. :/ but i guess there is also a natural human tendency

 

[Go Hungry]

Ah, okay.

 

[xraydave]

Ah, okay.

why only 'ah okay'? o_o"

 

[The Albatross]

I think that perhaps a compulsion for "teaching" or being instructive could be striving to restore a sense of competency or self worth? But that's just hazarding a guess and may be way out in left field Dave.

 

[Go Hungry]

why only 'ah okay'? o_o"

Sorry. I should have explained myself better, but now I can't remember my point. So... brainfart, I guess? :confused::)

 

[xraydave]

I think that perhaps a compulsion for "teaching" or being instructive could be striving to restore...

Yeah that's okay. thanks for explaining. it's clear that it may be something that i've learned from traumatic experiences, where people have tried to teach me the wrong thing or where teachers* have caused distress. so i'm trying to become the abuser, almost. do you ever do these almost unconscious, reenactment of traumas, in some similar way?

Sorry. I should have explained myself better, but now I can't remember my point. So... brainfart, I guess? :confused::)

thanks for the response anyway. made me think clearer about the difference between it being a natural human tendency, or a reenactment of past trauma. do you ever think that maybe, your own trauma would have allowed for yourself as a kid to act that way in the 'teaching' mode? have you ever reenacted a trauma like this or in a similar way?

 

[The Albatross]

Well you do recognize that it's a compulsion so that's a good place to start to break down the behavior. I don't necessarily think you're trying to "become" the abuser... a goodly number of us act on impulses akin or are attracted to situations to re-enact the stressor or trauma. At one time though, yeah I would compulsively obsess things based on my perceptions of situations in light of my traumas... way before diagnosis, I was unconscious in the behavior. Not so much now.

You are making conscious examination of the issue Dave, and that examination alters the "unconscious" part a bit because of course you are aware of it and thinking about it, self examining it. I'll be interested to see/read the connections you make/conclusions you come to and if they are reenactment to see how you curb the compulsion. It could happen. Growth, this can be an opportunity for change and growth if you find it detrimental to the person or your character now.

 

[xraydave]

Well you do recognize that it's a compulsion so that's a good place to start to break down the beha...

I agree it may be that growth comes from all this examination. thank you, this helped a lot.