Does Anyone Else Have An Urge To Give Back?

[Auburngirl]

As in, give back to your community, or take positive action regarding other facing similar traumas to yours? It's something I've been thinking about for a year or so, and have taken some small steps on. Examples of what I mean: one of my friends who was sexually assaulted now volunteers in a women's shelter, another friend trained as a counsellor, I'm working on mental health resource guides, another friend donates money regularly, another is working at the policy level, others take leadership in mental health advocacy groups, etc.

I feel a very strong urge to do this (though also acknowledge that some of the things I'd like to do would be unhealthy for me to do until I'm quite well), in a way I haven't felt motivated to with regard to other health issues (non mental-health) that have affected me. It feels like something I absolutely have to do, almost like a duty.

Does anyone else feel a similar urge? Have you acted on it? And, any idea as to why this feels so important?

 

[2quilt]

I Can't Bring Myself to do This

I am a physically (and mentally) disabled war veteran, and I have been asked multiple times to join a volunteer group of people who go to high schools to promote service to our country OTHER than military service. The military recruiters that go to the high schools are flat out liars to the kids, and the group that wants me to counter that, wants me specifically because I became disabled by the military and boarded out at 29 years old, and permanently disabled at 36.

I am viciously opposed to slobbering vultures that are military recruiters hunting down, cornering and lying to teenagers, but I can't bring myself to joining this volunteer group because I was raped multiple times in the military, and they want me to tell the young women about how unsafe the military is, and how rapes are covered up routinely. And if there is a resulting pregnancy, she has to get an abortion on her own dime because military hospitals refuse to do abortions, even though it is a legal procedure. The military simply ends the pregnant woman's contract, and she separates from duty.

Don't get me started on the politics of abortion.

I can't talk about what happened to me openly in person. Funny, I can post about it to a load of internet strangers like all y'all here, but I can't sit in front of a young person and tell them what happened to me. All I can say is that the military is unsafe for women. Then I cry.

My supervisors did absolutely nothing to help me when I was raped. They were cruel beyond cruel. I hated the military, and I tell anyone who is considering it, not to sign up. I tell them that if they live through it,... IF..., they will be mentally ill or physically broken, or both, from that job for the rest of their lives; it's not worth it. The government does not take care of its veterans, either, but that's a whole nuther soapbox.

I don't have the mental strength to tell my story over and over. Although it may be good for me, be good exposure therapy in the long term, I can't see myself crying and crying every time I talk to a teenaged woman or group in an effort to disuade them from military service. I would be no good for the volunteer group, nor myself.

I do, however, feel grateful to those who do have PTSD and can give back to the community, and to those who have, in that effort, prevented PTSD in other people.

 

[baileysemt]

Yep!

Yes, I feel this urge very, very much.

I am an EMT, have been a local volunteer first responder/EMT for 16 years now. I also take pics of fires for the fire departments. Unfortunately, due to my PTSD, I've had to cut back my responses by about 98% (literally :mad:) and I really pick and choose my calls. I can only go on a "good" day, when I happen to be showered :rolleyes: (y'all know how that goes) and it's gotta be the right kind of call -- something safe and non-threatening. I wait on all structure fires to hear the building declared unoccupied, before I even leave the house. I will not knowingly go to a fire w/ a fatality again.

It is very hard to sit at home and listen to the calls page out. I can envision the scenes and what they're doing, and I wanna be there and do it myself!! but I just don't have it in me most of the time. It's very frustrating. How do you explain that you want to be at a call, elbow deep in equipment and people and stuff, yet you can't come within 15 ft. of your front door to actually leave the house?!?! How do you explain wanting to go and yet having a far greater and far more overwhelming fear of Bad Things™ happening? It's like this constant war in my head, a constant paradox that is never settled.

And yet I still have that drive to serve, to help people. Gack!!


So I am trying to channel that desire into building a PTSD resource site, the kind of site I would have liked to have found back when I was first researching PTSD and feeling so incredibly lost. Each of us is holed up, most of us are isolated in our little caves, we carry this massive weight with us every minute of every day, and it is our Big Secret. (Ugh!) Putting myself in those shoes, what a relief it would be to come across a website that acknowledges the things I'm feeling, explains what is happening, tells me what to expect, points me to tried & recommended resources, at least puts helpful information at my fingertips.

There are sites out there, but most of them are either incomplete, or really poorly formatted (so it's hard to find the good material hidden within). So my goal is to tie it all together, and have it easy to find what you're looking for.

I have tried to do so many things work-wise. I am not able to work outside the home. I have finally resolved myself to this and accepted it.

So I have to find something I can do to still earn a living, and frankly, to keep myself sane :crazy: and continue to stimulate my brain and continue recovering from PTSD. I was doing web stuff before my trauma, and somehow that niche of my brain came through this unaffected, I can still do it?? And I can do it from home. :thumbs-up I can't work anywhere near full-time, but good heavens, I'll do whatever I can, you know??

Running servers and building an occasional website (if the planets are aligned and there's a tailwind, LOL) are things I can do at home. If I can take that skill and pour it into a project that will give back and help others, then all the better.

I have always been a helper, always had a give-back sort of personality, so it's not going anywhere. I just need to find a way to adapt and integrate with the new me and my new life.

Bailey

 

[Grama-Herc]

While I was not in the military and have different issues, I still had the need to give back. To help! My agoraphobia and inability to interact well with people was a road block I needed to over come first.

Sheltering these little lost and suffering souls was a way I could help and feel useful at the same time. I never gave this a thought as something I would like to do. It was literally dropped in my lap. I shall always be grateful for it too. It gets me out of the house, I am forced to interact with people and I am in a totally different zone when I am at the shelter. My focus is not on me but on the kittens. I now feel useful and have a purpose in life.

I know that I could never be able to help in any area of mental health. Just going to a local clinic for my meds got to be to much for me and I was forced to find other resources. I just could not handle sitting in the waiting room with others who were suffering too.

Realizing that I am not helping others like myself, at least I am able to give back to my community and that is helping. So does that count?

 

[baileysemt]

Of course!! Oh my goodness Herc, that is so awesome!

If I lived anywhere near our shelter, I am sure I would be there regularly. Unfortunately it's like 40 miles away, and with gas prices being so insane :eek: there's no way...

I will say though, that caring for my own kitties has been majorly inspirational throughout everything. They are my babies. I can't go anywhere because they need me. I have to care for and love them. They make me get out of bed to feed them, and the love they give back to me (often by sleeping ON me as I lay in bed, LOL!) is the most beautiful thing ever. It is pure, total, unconditional love. They don't care if I have showered or brushed my teeth. Although they do seem to like me better if I have food in hand? LOLOLOLOL

Giving back comes in all forms. Big, little, and everything in between. It all counts. And for me, it all helps, even the little tiny things. :)

Bailey

 

[Seychelle]

I donate regularly to a non-religious charity that helps neglected and abused kids. I asked them to stop sending me their newsletters and extra requests for donations, though. All of this charity's literature is written assuming that everyone who is donating had a good childhood and would have no idea what it's like growing up in an abusive or neglectful situation. *sigh*

At this point in time, I don't have the resilience to do anything more but I would like to raise more awareness that child abuse can occur anywhere, including middle class families. I want it to end. I don't want any more kids to suffer. It's all utterly unnecessary.

Maybe further down the track I'll have the resilience to get involved with something like that. Trouble is, that feels like a weird catch-22 - if I'm well enough to be doing that sort of volunteer work, then it feels like it undermines the message. Like, 'she looks like she's fine, child abuse doesn't really affect kids'.

 

[BassistKara]

Yep i most certainly do.

I hope to one day work in community development and youth work, working with adolescent & younger girls who've experienced sexual assualt, domestic violence, mental illness etc.

I know i'm certainly not ready to be faced with kind of work, or any work at the moment, when i can't even handle seeing anything about consenual sex on tv!

But it's like now i know how bad the impact of those things is first hand, i can't just shut my eyes to it and pretend it's not happening like so many people do.

I also wanted to be a vet when i was little, because i connected so much with animals, and because they can't speak out and protect themselves, i had to do it for them! But as it turns out, i'm allergic to pretty much all animals, and barely finished high school so there goes that plan. But once again i couldn't shut my eyes to the horrible things they go through, so i went vegan.

I'm slowly starting to get into the whole community development/youth work thing. I'm involved in my local councils Youth Consultative Committee, which the council asks us for a youth view on different things, we get to assist in how the local youth centre is run, let the workers know how to better connect with young people and more. I'm actually chairing the meeting next week too!
And as of next month i'm hopefully going to be involved in the Headspace(the national youth mental health foundation) Youth Advisory Group, which pretty much does the same thing as above, but purely focusing on youth mental health.

I just hope one day i can eventually be able to deal working and not just volunteering an hour and a half once a month in that sort of area!

 

[baileysemt]

I just hope one day i can eventually be able to deal working and not just volunteering an hour and a half once a month

Who are you, and what are you doing spying on me?? *giggle*

Just teasin' ya' Kara, sounds like we are very muchly in the same boat. :smile:

Bailey

 

[anthony]

This forum is my main form of giving back to those who have what I have... to help other overcome and atleast live a fairly normal life again. Well done auburngirl for such a great effort on your part and your friends. Congratulations on giving.... I think it feels good to help others.

 

[linasmom]

Yes, I have a huge urge to give back.

I give as much as I can to the arts - I run free workshops and publish books at no cost to the individual.

I really want to start volunteering somewhere to help animals - but we do not have an ASPCA here in Charlotte, NC.

 

[kers]

My job is very fulfilling, in large part because I am able to serve my community by caring for children. I am highly attuned to kids who have poor home lives or who are struggling with difficult issues, and I try to be a positive, loving adult in their life, one that they know will always try to help them and keep them safe.

 

[Auburngirl]

I've been away for a few days, but wow what wonderful responses! I've enjoyed reading all of them, and the diverse ways that people are giving back to their communities (human and non human alike, local communities and international). Congratulations to all of you. I'm still mulling over ideas of things to do, but knew I wanted to start with helping people to navigate the system and realise when they need help. I think this voyage has made me more compassionate and that, on an individual level will change how I live my life.

I guess part of this for me is this sense that there must be some meaning in the madness, something I've learned or gained from all of this that can be useful in some way. Thank-you for sharing your stories, and best of luck with all of your varied and marvellous projects.